Deep Troubles

One thing I remember hearing while I was growing up was “Young man, if you do not straighten out right now you are headed for deep trouble.”

It may have been that someone wanted me to sit up straighter, or be quiet longer, or work harder on my homework.

Now, I was headed for deep trouble, but not because of any of that. The trouble in my path was deeper.

We may be anxious about troubles in our relationships, troubles at school, troubles at work, money troubles, or physical ailments. We may know people who are living through troubles of their own, or people who are nothing but trouble for others.

My deep trouble was that I did not know or understand myself very well. I did not really have a clue who I was or what I was all about.

I was excellent at meeting expectations. I would sit up straighter, or be quiet a little longer, or work harder because that was what I was supposed to do.

I knew that trouble was something to avoid. I became very good at hiding my deep trouble, even from myself.

There came a time when I began to realize how much trouble I actually had. I recognized that it was not only that I did not know what I wanted to do, I did not even think about it. I had been asleep to myself for longer than I could remember.

With that recognition, my life began to move in a new direction.

The challenges of getting to know my truest self have been difficult, but nothing compared to the trouble of being asleep to myself.

I sometimes have trouble waking up, especially when I have been asleep for such a long time.

How much deep trouble do you have?

When did you realize that you were in deep trouble?

[Image by Prasanna Raju]