Where Is Your Pain?

Most of us do not enjoy feeling pain.

We do our best to hide from it, and to hide it from everyone else. Pain is something to be relieved, something to be endured, something to be suffered in silence. Never let them see you hurt.

We are afraid of pain.

The searing heartache of being rejected or abandoned. The blinding headache that makes it almost impossible to breathe. The pain of loss; the pain of not being able to trust someone we thought we could, of not knowing whether we can trust ourselves.

When we experience pain, we just want someone to take it away. Often, our fear and frustration push us to ignore our own pain. If we just hold on long enough, we know it will all go away.

Pain, even at its most painful, is not all bad. Like many things we find unpleasant, pain has lessons to teach us.

Our pain teaches us about the world around us, about the things that cause it. We learn from pain that some things are too hot, or too cold, for us to touch. We learn from pain that some people are not safe for us to trust.

Our pain also teaches us about ourselves. Pain shines a light directly on who we are, on what we can endure. Pain can show us where we are tender, or how we need to strengthen ourselves. Pain tells us where we have been hurt.

Pain is important to me, and to the people with whom I work. I am a spiritual director, and most people start out trying to hide their pain from me. It is a habit for them.

I help them listen to their pain, help them learn the lessons the pain has for them.