Spiritual Direction: When We Need to Leave God Behind

When We Need to Leave God Behind

There are times when spiritual life seems to bring us to a dead end. We feel stuck where we apparently run out of road and wish we were not carrying so much. When we believe we have done the best we can to discern and follow, we begin to believe we might do better if we leave God behind.

It is easy for us to start wondering whether we would be better off on our own. We get tired of carrying around what other people have told us about God, and would prefer to lighten our load.

When I was a young child God was distant, a remote being who transcended all the troubles of the universe. The image I had in my mind was an old man with a long, white beard sitting on a large throne somewhere in space.

We were told to pray to God when there was trouble in the world, but praying did not seem to end the troubles.

I believed God was very busy. There was a lot on God’s mind, and it must have been noisy with all those people praying. God did not seem to have much free time, or time to rest. It sounded like God’s time was full with people’s troubles around the world.

I took a long time to sort out God was not some sort of celestial vending machine. We could not simply put in our money and expect a solution to our problems to pop out. I slowly figured out God was not as distant as it seemed, and not simply someone to whom we could appeal when we felt troubled.

There was a time when I realized I needed to leave God behind. I had run into a dead end and needed to turn around.

Where Do We Go When We Leave God Behind?

It became clear to me the way I understood God was not the only way. When I went away to school I met people who seemed to experience God differently.

Some these people understood God as a personal friend. They had long, personal conversations with and about God. Their experience of worship was not the same as mine. Some of them appeared to be on a first name basis with God.

I spent time while I was in college, and graduate school, reading and talking about God. I related to God more personally, though my approach was still primarily analytical and intellectual. God was a friend who knew me at least as well as I knew myself. I could argue with God, and we could tell each other funny stories.

God and I enjoyed each other’s senses of humor.

As I reflect on it now, my understanding of God was based in where I was and what I needed at the time. After reaching a dead end with the vending machine God and leaving home, I needed a friend.

The time I spent with God began to include more listening to God.

I have been open to asking God questions for as long as I can remember. We talked about a lot of different questions.

My understanding of God expanded from the primarily intellectual to include more experiences.

I began to appreciate the spiritual aspects of walking in the woods and good conversations with other people.

God drew me out of a life I had protected for a long time into the real world.

I anticipated the completion of school, and came to another dead end. I again needed to leave God behind and look for something else.

What Do We Discover When We Leave God Behind?

After school I spent years with a God of action and implementation. I valued applying what I had learned, and what I continued learning.

This time was about sorting out when to trust my own insights, and when not to trust them. God led me toward situations and people which helped me see and understand.

I had grown into understanding God is more than a bearded man far away, and more than a personal friend. There were lessons for me about the power of God’s justice and how to put it into action.

God has a lot to say about justice and love. I struggled to understand and to apply it wisely.

Eventually, I came to another significant dead end. God took me down a path which led me to question almost everything. I made a lot of meaningful changes in my life, and continued exploring.

This was a dead end where I felt stuck and was tired of carrying so much. I dropped what I no longer needed, and again realized it was time to leave God behind.

Fortunately, when I leave God behind God can still find me.

We Leave God Behind And Find God With Us

After that particularly dramatic dead end God drew me toward more contemplative spiritual life.

I met people who opened my eyes and showed me how God was drawing me into something more intimate.

Slowly I began to see more clearly. I was not actually leaving God behind, but discarding parts of my misunderstanding of who God is. God is not a distant, celestial vending machine and is more than a personal friend.

Spiritual life in me has gradually opened the wrapping paper to reveal God to me and clear away the distortions which get in the way.

We believe we are struggling to choose to leave God behind, but we are actually getting a clearer view.

In fact, what we leave behind is not God, but whatever distracts us and draws us away from God. Our prejudices and misconceptions and expectations obscure our perception of God.

When we sit still, listening to sacred stillness, we leave behind our thoughts and words and feelings.

We find God waiting for us to leave behind our ideas about God which distract us.

What will we discover if we leave God behind today?

Where will we go when we leave God behind this week, or this month?

[Image by cogdogblog]

Greg Richardson is a spiritual director in Southern California. He is a recovering assistant district attorney and associate university professor, and is a lay Oblate with New Camaldoli Hermitage near Big Sur, California. Greg’s website is StrategicMonk.com and his email address is [email protected].