Spiritual Direction: What Happens When We Choose to Give Up?

What Happens When We Choose to Give Up?

We can all feel tired and frustrated. Some of us become overwhelmed and choose to give up.

We can all understand and relate to how they feel. Whether at work or at home, thinking about finances or our physical health, we know how it is.

It might feel like wanting to stay in bed all day or lie in the sun on a beach. We may feel defeated or unsure of whether we can take even one more step. So many things have built up all at the same time and we are ready to give up and go away.

We do not even want to go do something else, just stop doing whatever we are doing.

Many of us are grateful for any person who inspires us not to give up.

There are times when spiritual life can feel like another way to give up. We may feel comfortable approaching life in ways we hope will make a difference.

Some of us have poured our lives into seeking justice, or supporting a cause, or struggling toward a victory. Spiritual life, particularly contemplative spiritual life, often feels like giving up and surrendering.

I believe spiritual life is all about living a life of balance and reflection. We need to learn how to give ourselves opportunities to take deep breaths and listen to sacred stillness. Life is not about pushing as hard as we can until we cannot push any more.

Once I worked with one person who would listen to me list, in great detail, all the reasons we had no hope. When I had convinced myself it was time to give up, he would smile and say, “OK, so what are we going to do?”

The inspiration I needed was in that pause and that question.

When Do We Choose to Give Up?

As I reflect on the times and ways I choose to give up, it seems particular things contribute to my choices.

For me, it seems like choosing to give up is often shared by something physical or emotional. My brain never seems to stop working, even when I would like to turn it off for a while. I choose to give up most often when I get tired or bored.

I have also learned I have high expectations for myself. Some of them I inherited from others and some of them I have built for myself. It is when I feel I am not meeting my own expectations, when things are not going as I would like them to, I begin thinking about giving up.

Focus is one of my qualities which I most appreciate. I usually do a good job of paying attention and do not generally lose sight of things. One of the skills I have needed to learn is how to relax my focus and allow things to happen. There are benefits to giving things time to develop without forcing them.

Allowing things to happen is not the same as choosing to give up and dropping something completely.

It can be a challenge for me to choose to give up. I believe in the value of perseverance and persistence, possibly to the point of stubbornness. There are times when I need to be convinced to give up, or to move on to do something else.

I am still learning the benefits of choosing to move on. There are times when recognizing it is time to shift focus feels quite a bit like choosing to give up. Fortunately, there are people who are skilled at persuading me when it might be an opportune time.

Who Helps Us Choose Not to Give Up?

Each of us has at least one person who helps us choose not to give up.

It may be someone who always seems to know the right thing to say. We could be inspired by someone who does not say much and inspires us by their example. There are inspiring people we see every day and those we have never actually met in person.

Some of us might be inspired by how what we do makes us feel or what it accomplishes. It may be new, creative beginnings which inspire us or bringing projects to completion.

As we reflect on what helps us choose not to give up we translate it into ways to help other people.

Reflecting on who helps us choose not to give up can be more helpful than thinking about what makes us want to give up.

Who are the people who inspire us? What kind of person inspires us not to give up?

It is not a competition to evaluate or determine the best inspiration. Each of us finds our own.

The people who inspire us were each inspired by other people.

Being inspired is more essential than finding the perfect way to do it.

What Inspires Us Not to Give Up?

Each of us has our own unique ways of finding inspiration. What inspires me may not inspire you, and vice versa.

I know people who are so afraid of failing they refuse to consider the idea of giving up. Other people have been inspired by experiencing success early in life.

There are people who love how it feels to begin something, or the creative process. Seeing something through to the end of a project may be our inspiration.

What someone said or wrote, or the feeling of working together may inspire us. A powerful experience may form the basis of our inspiration. We might be inspired to prove we can accomplish things on our own.

The essential truth of inspiration is we need to explore and discover what inspires us.

We need to know what we need when we run into the wall or feel exhausted.

What inspires us not to give up when we have run out of hope?

Where will we find inspiration not to give up today?

What will inspire us not to give up this week?

[Image by bk2204]

Greg Richardson is a spiritual director in Southern California. He is a recovering assistant district attorney and associate university professor, and is a lay Oblate with New Camaldoli Hermitage near Big Sur, California. Greg’s website is StrategicMonk.com and his email address is [email protected].