Practices From the Inside Out: Asking Questions Out Loud

Asking Questions Out Loud

Asking questions out loud was not particularly encouraged when I was a child. I got the impression people felt uncomfortable or confused when I began asking questions.

Life was apparently more focused on answering questions than asking them. I was encouraged to be curious, just not necessarily out loud in public.

There was nothing I could see wrong with the questions I asked. I wanted to get explanations when things did not make sense to me.

Spiritual life seemed to be a place where it was especially important not to ask questions. In fact, spiritual life was apparently intended to make us as uncomfortable as possible.

What I remember about spiritual life was a lot of needing to sit still and not fidget. Spiritual life had a lot to do with wearing uncomfortable clothes and not asking any questions.

There were some questions which were particularly discouraged. The most unappreciated questions anyone could ask had something to do with Why?

Life was filled with things people did not want to explain, but Why? seemed to be the most difficult.

I did a lot of reading as I grew older, looking for answers to my questions. For some reason people enjoyed it more when I was figuring out answers for myself than when I was asking questions.

There were still plenty of questions bubbling inside me, but many of them did not get to be asked out loud.

One of the reasons I decided to go to law school was to learn how to ask questions well. I knew lawyers asked witnesses questions and I wanted to learn about asking questions well.

Now many of the questions I ask other people are designed to help them ask their own questions out loud.

Asking Questions Well

There are still people who are uncomfortable about asking questions.

Some people do not like the feeling of not being able to answer questions. They seem to believe giving answers is more important than asking questions.

Other people get uncomfortable when they wish they had asked the questions we ask. They are anxious about having questions they cannot put into words easily, or at all.

Are we uncomfortable about asking questions out loud? If we do not ask our questions, how do we expect to find our own answers?

I do not believe asking questions well is about finding the best words or phrases to use. The questions I feel best about asking are when someone responds by saying they had the same question.

Asking questions well is not an indication we do not respect someone or trust what they have to say. We are not asking questions like lawyers cross examining witnesses, trying to poke holes in their stories.

Our questions demonstrate we are listening and taking someone seriously enough to consider what they are saying. We want them to help us think through what we are hearing.

The questions we ask are windows into how and what we are thinking.

The first step in asking questions well is to be willing to ask them out loud.

Listening is also an essential element of asking questions well. Our questions reflect the ways we are paying attention and following what someone is saying. We ask them to explain or give us further insight.

Asking questions is not a way for us to argue with them or dispute what they are saying.

It is difficult for us to ask questions well if we are not open to what someone is saying.

Asking Questions and Spiritual Life

We live in a time when it is not unusual to hear someone telling us what we should believe. People argue in public ways about what is right about spiritual life and what is wrong. They seem to be convinced spiritual life is all about finding the right answers to our questions.

There were times when I was convinced of that as well.

My spiritual experience has brought me to a place where I believe in the power of asking questions. Our questions are important no matter what answers we might choose, even when they confuse us.

I believe spiritual life lives in our questions at least as much as the answers we choose.

We ask where God is in our pain, our struggling, our loss, our hard work. Some of us ask how God can allow so much suffering in the world. We may ask questions about the complications of what people believe, or how anyone can believe that.

It is asking questions which draws us more deeply into spiritual life.

When we are willing to ask our questions out loud we are seeking the truth. We explore and are open to considering new possibilities. When we decide we have discovered an answer we no longer need to be open or to explore. Continuing to ask our questions out loud is what allows us to recognize spiritual life within us and in the world around us.

Asking questions keeps us awake and alive to spiritual life.

The Practice of Asking Questions Out Loud

Our practice of asking questions out loud may make a few people uncomfortable. They may not like feeling like there could be more to life than they have already considered.

The questions we ask might spark their willingness to ask questions of their own.

When we practice asking questions out loud it is like planting seeds. People who resist our questions are often those who have the most questions of their own.

We commit ourselves to asking at least one question out loud each day and we inspire other people. Honest, insightful questions encourage other people to start asking questions out loud.

Who knows where asking questions out loud could take us? We could end up living in a world where questions do not make us uncomfortable or afraid. What would that world be like?

How are we asking questions today?

Where can asking questions out loud help us go this week?

[Image by alexanderdrachmann]

Greg Richardson is a spiritual life mentor and leadership coach in Southern California. He is a recovering attorney and university professor, and a lay Oblate with New Camaldoli Hermitage near Big Sur, California. Greg’s website is StrategicMonk.com, and his email address is [email protected].