“The Ransom of Red Chief”

Gentlemen:

I received your letter to-day by post, in regard to the ransom you ask for the return of my son. I think you are a little high in your demands, and I hereby make you a counter-proposition, which I am inclined to believe you will accept. You bring Johnny home and pay me two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, and I agree to take him off your hands. You had better come at night, for the neighbours believe he is lost, and I couldn’t be responsible for what they would do to anybody they saw bringing him back.

Very respectfully,
EBENEZER DORSET.

Inexplicably, O. Henry’s hilarious short story “The Ransom of Red Chief” popped into my head a few days ago. (Yes, “inexplicably.” Because I’m sure there is absolutely no connection between the fact that it popped into my head and the fact that I feel like Ebenezer Dorset nearly every minute of every day lately. No connection whatsoever. The merest coincidence. Although, now that you mention it, I’m really not as strong as I used to be…)

Since it popped into my head with some vehemence, (and since I was close to the InterWebs at the time), I found this audio version over on ManyThings.org: “A Website for Studying English as a Second Language.” It’s read by someone named “Shep O’Neal” and it is awesome.

Take it away, Shep!

Speaking of Red Chief, I found this fantastic illustration, drawn by someone known as Riley Phillips. Not sure who that is, actually, and their website’s not entirely helpful. But it’s just about the perfect drawing for William Sydney Porter’s legendary adventure. So. Much. MISCHIEF. Also, that could pretty much be a drawing of David (Son #4). Because he loves sticks. And shirtlessness. And matches. And…now I’m getting a  little…nervous.

Excuse me. I’d better go…check on something. For a friend.

…as dark as it was, and as fat as Bill was, and as good a runner as I am, he was a good mile and a half out of Summit before I could catch up with him.

Attribution(s): “William Sydney Porter (by Doubleday)” by W.M. Vanderweyde, New York – NYPL Digital Gallery. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons.