During our sessions, Sarah and Jeff both reflected on their own difficulties with being vulnerable and how it prevented them from being close at times. I explained to them that before they can begin to build a long-term successful relationship, they must be vulnerable and learn to rely on each other – which means letting go of the belief that they must handle lives problems alone.
Being vulnerable means being authentic and being able to risk expressing your thoughts, feelings, and wishes. It means you are in control of yourself, not the relationship. By doing so, you can build trust with your partner, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It takes time to truly trust someone, and it’s achieved by sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings on a daily basis.
5 key reasons vulnerability and trust go hand and hand:
- Real love starts with being open about your thoughts, feelings, and desires. The more you ask for what you need in a positive way, the better prepared you’ll be to create a successful relationship. You build more trust in your partner when you know that he or she will be there for you.
- Asking for support gives your partner a chance to be there for you. Asking for help and being transparent can allow your partner and others to recognize that you are open to their opinions and want to collaborate.
- An open dialog regarding concerns of all family members can help you stay close. Don’t be surprised if some of your discussions are heated — especially around hot-button issues such as money, and vacations, etc. It’s a good idea to have regular family meetings and to give everyone a change to share their concerns and ideas.
- Being vulnerable will help you pay attention to your own needs and feelings rather than ignoring them. It’s impossible to achieve trust and intimacy with your mate if you’re not authentic.
- You’ll become more emotionally connected. Asking for what you need from your partner is about being vulnerable and inviting intimacy. Be sure to start with an “I” statement such as “I would love for you to plan a night out for us. I am longing for more time alone with you.”
Being open and asking for support doesn’t always come naturally, but over time it becomes easier. Many people were raised with a mindset of being self-reliant and it takes time and practice to let down your shield and to let others be there for you. If you want a relationship that is a true partnership, you must let your mate in an be receptive to feedback and assistance at times. By doing this, you will achieve true intimacy, trust, and love.
Her new book, The Remarriage Manual, is available for purchase from your favorite bookseller. Follow Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.
I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry
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