How To Become Your Child’s Digital Mentor

Working with families has been my passion for many decades and one issue that comes up often in counseling over the last few years is how to monitor children’s use of technology. When Karen sat in my office describing her challenge monitoring her son Justin’s use of his IPhone and video games, I suggested that she examine her own use, keep track of Justin’s use daily, and take action by coming up with a plan.

Fortunately Karen agreed to this strategy and discovered that Justin was on his phone or playing video games about five hours a day. She agreed with me that this was excessive and she asked him to cut his use by 50%, or to 2.5 hours a day. The good news? when Karen implemented this plan, Justin’s grades improved and they spent more time together playing board games, going for walks, and doing other fun things together. And Justin was happy when his grades improved, so it was a win-win for both mother and son.

The media and technology use of children and adolescents has risen dramatically in the last decade. The dilemma for parents today is how to be a good digital mentor and how to limit their child’s use when smart phones and other electronic devices have become increasingly popular.

While most experts agree that excessive use, especially watching violence on TV and playing violent video games, is harmful to children, many parents question how much technology use is too much and how can I model appropriate use of it.

Here are some facts to consider:

Many children spent more time watching TV than with their parents.
Children ages 8-10 spend 5.5 hours daily on electronic media use (includes TV, computers, and all electronic devices) on average.
Children ages 11-14 spend 8 hours and 40 minutes daily on technology use on average.
Adolescents, ages 15-18, spend almost 8 hours daily on electronic media use.
The numbers for all of these age categories is higher if you consider media exposure.
Children who play violent video games are more likely to be aggressive and to engage in delinquent acts.
The more time children spend watching TV, the lower their school achievement. This is especially true for reading scores since children who spend excessive time on electronic media and/or technology tend to view books as boring.
Excessive media and technology use also interferes with completing homework. Overall, it distracts kids and interferes with their time doing homework and reading at home.
Another huge concern in the 21^st century is peer bullying and harassment (Cyber Bullying). One study found that Cyber aggression is related to loneliness and low self-esteem.
A special concern has arisen about children’s and adolescent’s access to information on the internet because it is unregulated. They can gain access to adult sexual material, how to make bombs, violence, and other material that is harmful to themselves and others.
Some TV watching that is educational can enhance creativity and achievement.
The use of computers for educational purposes can enhance achievement as long as it is monitored by parents and other adults and time limited.

Ways parents can be digital mentors:

Monitor your own use and keep your smart phone away from your children.
Spend quality time with your children daily.
Have a tech talk with your child which includes frequent, calm discussions about technology use.
Schedule a non- technology day once a week to encourage healthy activities.
Expose your child to alternatives to technology such as time outside, exercise, reading, playing cards and games, and participating in cultural and recreational activities.

Find Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award-winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website. Her new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around was published by Sounds True on February 18, 2020.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry