Mistrust can come in many forms, from suspecting partners of infidelity, to fearing that they will abandon you emotionally or physically. Some people become “relationship junkies” looking for partners to be the salve for their wounds. Others freeze out the option of finding love, for fear of being hurt.
Either way, if you desire a healthy relationship, it’s important to learn to trust your own judgment and select partners who are a good fit for you. Additionally, it is possible to repair trust with partners who you have endured breeches of trust with by following some of these guidelines.
Here are 4 smart ways to rebuild broken trust:
- Challenge mistrustful thoughts. Ask yourself: is my lack of trust due to my partner’s actions or my own issues, or both? Be aware of baggage from your past that may be triggering mistrust in the present.
- Trust your intuition and instincts. Have confidence in your own perceptions and pay attention to red flags.
- Gain awareness about how your reactions may be having a destructive impact on your relationship and take responsibility for them.
- Listen to your partner’s side of the story. Don’t always assume the worst when your partner lets you down. Sometimes people simply make mistakes.
Even if you find yourself in a reasonably healthy relationship, you may still be unable to trust your partner. Sometimes, he or is simply untrustworthy based on past actions, so you have reasons to feel leery. Other times, a breakdown of trust in your childhood or other relationships has caused you to lack trust – even if your partner demonstrates trustworthiness.
Establishing trust in your partner is so much more than catching him or her telling the truth or a lie. To trust someone, you must have faith in them. You must have a strong belief and conviction that your partner will not hurt you. You must believe he or she is being honest with you, that you can depend on them, and that he or she has you as their first priority.
Can you say that you are truly confident in your partner? Confident, that they are truthful, faithful, and in every way present, in your relationship? Cultivating this sort of relationship is one of the greatest challenges for couples so they can become securely attached, be vulnerable with each other, and find authentic love.
However, every relationship is different, and it is important for you, if you are a mistrustful person, to realize how you can be your own saboteur. Love is a leap of faith, and there are no guarantees.
Have your partner’s actions matched their words? Does your partner treat you with respect? Are they dependable? Is he or she faithful and truthful? If the answer to these questions is yes, you must choose to trust. It’s possible that you might end up getting hurt. However, if your partner has shown you trustworthy behavior, you should reward him or her by showing trust in return.
Learning to Trust Takes Time and Effort
Take a moment to consider this: your partner is not solely responsible for creating mistrustful feelings. In most cases, you must take equal responsibility for creating an atmosphere of safety and security in relationships.
Truth be told, learning to trust is a skill that can be fine-tuned is you understand the root of your mistrust and have the courage to stop it in your tracts. It’s possible to adopt a mindset that your partner wants the best for you and won’t hurt or abandon you if he or she has shown through their actions that they are trustworthy.
You can find Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website. Her new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around was published by Sounds True on February 18, 2020.
I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry
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