A national survey found that 84% of women and 82% of men in the US crave commitment and report that being married someday is “very” or “somewhat” important to them. That said, many people seek lasting commitment, often in the form of marriage. This can be a healthy desire if we bring realistic expectations to it. But many adults don’t have a healthy template of marriage to follow when it comes to nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship, making it... Read more
Helping your teenager to make a smooth transition to becoming a more capable and independent person can be complex in a divorced family. Experts explain that adolescence is a time of transition from being a child to establishing an identity different from their parents. This normal process can become more complicated as teens experience the breakup up their parents’ marriage. Although it may take your teen about two years to adjust to your divorce, feelings of sadness or anger may... Read more
It may seem odd that I feel compelled to write about what I owe my kids because they’ve endured my divorce. Yet as an adult child of divorced parents and a mom who has been divorced, it’s my belief that children of divorce are entitled to certain rights. That’s not to say that children raised in intact families don’t have rights – it’s just that children of divorce deserve special consideration. Distinguished divorce researcher Elizabeth Marquardt adds her perspective on... Read more
Caitlin, an outgoing, 35, came to my office for counseling recently and discussed her tendency to pick unsuitable partners. She says, “I always tend to go for men who are emotionally distant. I think it’s because I fear getting hurt and so it allows me to protect myself. I’ve been hurt too many times and I’m wary of exposing myself to emotional pain.” Many people waste time with partners who are not a good match for them. This trend limits... Read more
Elena, 48, and Jason, 52, have been married fifteen years and came to counseling to improve their communication and to stop bickering. Like many couples who I counsel, I asked them both what worked in their marriage and what areas need to be “worked on.” Elena put it like this, “I know Jason works hard and is a good provider but he doesn’t pay enough attention to me. I think he takes me for granted and I feel lonely.” Jason... Read more
When Kevin, 42, and Melissa, 43, attended their first counseling session, they spoke about the lack of connection between them. Sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, they avoided eye contact and seemed hesitant to share their perspective. Kevin put it like this, “Melissa and I have been married ten years and we still have not decided if we are going to have kids because we’re more like roommates than lovers or romantic partners. Part of the problem is that... Read more
The media and technology use of children and adolescents has risen dramatically in the last decade. The dilemma for parents today is how to be a good digital mentor and how to limit their child’s use when smart phones and other electronic devices have become increasingly popular. While most experts agree that excessive use, especially watching violence on TV and playing violent video games, is harmful to children, many parents question how much technology use is too much and how... Read more
It’s common for married couples to complain of leading busy lives and not feeling energized enough to have sex at the end of a long day. The causes of stress for couples include increasing workloads, financial pressures, lack of trust and insecurity, and growing conflicts within their relationship. Most of the couples I’ve counseled also described how extreme fatigue negatively impacted both the frequency and quality of their sex lives. In fact, in Come As You Are, sex researcher Emily... Read more
Many of the individuals that seek counseling from my practice report that they lack trust in their partners. Maria, age 38, sat on the sofa in my office and spoke about feeling leery that Jason, 40, had her best interests at heart and she said she’s lost confidence in his intentions. Generally, Jason is dependable but lately Maria doesn’t feel she can always count on him. Maria put it like this, “I love Jason but he doesn’t always follow through... Read more
Many of my clients sit down in my office and complain that they are stuck in a rut. It may not be full blown depression, but they just can’t find pleasure in day-to-day activities, their job, or their relationships. Kelly, 43, is a teacher and she’s married with two teenagers. She often says that she wants to feel better but doesn’t know where to start. Kelly put it like this: “I’m not really old enough for a mid-life crisis but... Read more
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