Many of the individuals that seek counseling from my practice report that they lack trust in their partners. Maria, age 38, sat on the sofa in my office and spoke about feeling leery that Jason, 40, had her best interests at heart and she said she’s lost confidence in his intentions. Generally, Jason is dependable but lately Maria doesn’t feel she can always count on him. Maria put it like this, “I love Jason but he doesn’t always follow through... Read more
Many of my clients sit down in my office and complain that they are stuck in a rut. It may not be full blown depression, but they just can’t find pleasure in day-to-day activities, their job, or their relationships. Kelly, 43, is a teacher and she’s married with two teenagers. She often says that she wants to feel better but doesn’t know where to start. Kelly put it like this: “I’m not really old enough for a mid-life crisis but... Read more
If you approach dating thoughtfully after your divorce and consider your children’s needs, it will pay off in the long run. Your kids may feel a mixed bag of emotions about you dating and even harbor fantasies that you will reconcile with your ex-spouse. This might make it a challenge for them to accept someone you are dating into their lives. As a result, it’s crucial to take it slow so you can assess whether your new romantic relationship is... Read more
Women, and especially daughters of divorce, can put undue pressure on themselves to find the right partner, marry, and develop a happy home life. But if they possess this goal, it can present many problems. For the most part, women from divorced homes don’t have a healthy template to follow when it comes to nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship, making it difficult for them to know where to start. The following lessons were derived from my own experience and... Read more
On of the most common complaints that I hear from couples in my office, especially women, is that their partner doesn’t listen to them. For instance, Karen, age 40, has been married to Derek, age 42, for a decade and they bicker often due to poor communication skills and defensiveness on both of their parts. Karen put it like this, “I don’t know what to do to get Derek to listen to me. We’re considering moving, and he keeps searching... Read more
Many parents worry that they don’t have the skills to raise a child who is emotionally intelligent. However, being a parent who teaches by example and uses emotional coaching are gifts that all parents can give their kids. It starts early, with using language that includes emotions, such as saying to a child who is crying, “You seem sad, what is going on?” Children of all ages respond positively to parents who tune into their emotions and validate them. Parents... Read more
Many of the stepmothers I counsel express frustration and concern about feeling like an “outsider” the first few years of their remarriage. It’s normal for stepparents to feel that they’re left out or overlooked at times because children of divorce often gravitate to the adult they’re most comfortable with. This literally leaves stepmothers feeling like an “outsider” in their own family. For instance, when Lori, 47, married Brad, 49, he had two teenagers, Brianna and Becky, who gave her the... Read more
In a culture where girls are barraged with inappropriate images of what it means to be a female, it’s no wonder that bringing up girls with a healthy dose of self-esteem can be a daunting task. This is especially true after they experience parental divorce. Studies show that girls tend to define themselves through relationships and are socialized to be nurturers and caretakers from an early age. Fostering your daughter’s self-esteem and healing after their parents’ divorce is a top... Read more
Many of my clients fear reenacting the parenting style they grew up with and go to great lengths to raise their child in a different manner. This is particularly true if they have a negative pattern of relating to them or they are estranged from them. It’s my belief that examining our parents’ style more closely can shed light on why we might feel this way and to avoid the “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” phenomenon that... Read more
Do your romantic relationships bring out your insecurities and cause you to mistrust your own judgment? Many women become involved or even obsessed with the wrong men – men who are emotionally unavailable, with other women, addicted to substances – or who cannot love them back. This problem has been given many labels including codependency which can be defined as having an underdeveloped self-esteem, dysfunctional boundaries, combined with an inappropriate caring for others (letting others invade your boundaries). In the... Read more
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