Co-parenting has been shown to be in the best interests for children after parental divorce. That said, attempting to do so with an ex who has a high conflict personality or a personality disorder is usually difficult. In most cases, an amicable relationship can’t be achieved between parents and parallel parenting is a good strategy that can be attempted. Co-parenting, at its best, is a wonderful opportunity for children of divorce to have close to equal access to both parents... Read more
If you find yourself attracted to a partner who is emotionally unavailable or distant, or someone who is a taker, you may be inclined to have one-sided relationships and love too much. Perhaps you grew up in a family where you were a caretaker or focused more on making others happy rather than yourself. Maybe you even felt that you had to be in a good mood regardless of your true feelings so you became a people pleaser. There are... Read more
Karen, 38, and Kevin, 39, have been married for eight years and have fallen into the habit of bickering about small things and arguing often. On a daily basis, they no longer show appreciation for each other. As a result, their interactions have become more negative than positive and they both reported in a couples counseling session, that they would like to experience more happiness in their marriage. Perhaps the first step in overcoming this tendency to be negative and... Read more
After years of helping clients with boundary issues, I began researching the topic to gain clarity and information. Many of my clients need assistance in setting clearer boundaries in relationships. They complain that they often give too much to others, feel depleted, and have trouble saying “no” to others. For example, Felicia, 44, often spends endless hours running errands for her mother, Suzanne, age 80. Even if she has work to do, or is feeling tired or overwhelmed, Felicia will... Read more
We’ve long understood the pain and perils of relationships characterized by physical and emotional abuse. The toxic and often tragic consequences of abuse between couples are as wide ranging as they are reprehensible. However, there is another kind of abuse, often obscured and unseen, that wreaks havoc on relationships and leaves dissatisfaction, distress, and divorce in its wake. In a recent article for The Good Men Project, Thomas G. Fiffer explores the silent suffering of those in unhealthy and unloving... Read more
While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more
It’s no surprise that most people abandon New Year’s resolutions fairly soon after making them. In fact, studies show that there are many impediments that prevent people from keeping them such as being unrealistic or making resolutions that are too much of a stretch or vague. If you find yourself recycling a goal from last year, consider crafting a new on or editing an old one. For instance, Shelly, 28, crafted the same goal every year of losing 20... Read more
One of the toughest times of year for family members following difficult times is the holiday season. For instance, for a recently separated or divorced parent, the holidays can be an emotional, stressful, and perhaps a lonely time of year. This is especially true if they don’t have new traditions and support systems in place. It’s no secret that the holidays can be highly stressful for divorced families. However, this stress is readily compounded because they may be dealing with... Read more
Maria, 46, and Joshua, 47, have been co-parenting over a year and faced many challenges last year during the holiday season. They scheduled a counseling session to discuss how they can reduce conflict and increase the chances that their three children ages eight, ten, and thirteen can have a more relaxed holiday this year. During our session, I explained to Maria and Joshua that holidays can be a challenging time for children after their parents’ divorce. Since they are recently... Read more
Do you ever wonder if you’ll get out from under the shadow of your parents’ divorce? Do you worry about repeating the patterns of the past? The challenge of creating and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship is where your parents fell short. But you have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and build the kind of relationship that eluded your parents. There are many reasons why adults raised in divorced homes get stuck in the past and have difficulty... Read more
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