Many of my clients fear reenacting the parenting style they grew up with and go to great lengths to raise their child in a different manner. This is particularly true if they have a negative pattern of relating to them or they are estranged from them. It’s my belief that examining our parents’ style more closely can shed light on why we might feel this way and to avoid the “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” phenomenon that... Read more
Do your romantic relationships bring out your insecurities and cause you to mistrust your own judgment? Many women become involved or even obsessed with the wrong men – men who are emotionally unavailable, with other women, addicted to substances – or who cannot love them back. This problem has been given many labels including codependency which can be defined as having an underdeveloped self-esteem, dysfunctional boundaries, combined with an inappropriate caring for others (letting others invade your boundaries). In the... Read more
Many of the parents who I work with ask me whether it’s appropriate for them to allow their young children to watch TV or to go on an electronic device such as an iPad. While searching for answers, I turned to The Child Mind Institute and will address their research in this article. In a recent article published by The Child Mind Institute, writer Katherine Martinelli and clinical expert Dr. Matthew Cruger, PhD, address a topic that has troubled parents... Read more
Dear Terry, I’m engaged and considering getting married in a few months to a man who I’ve been dating for about a year. A few of my friends have questions about Todd because he sometimes lets me down and doesn’t follow through on all of his promises. But we have a lot in common and share the same goals. We both value fidelity and want to have a family. We do argue often but usually make up and don’t stay... Read more
Most of the stepparents who contact me for support tell me they had no idea what they were getting into. One stepdad, Steve, put it this way, “I was never a father before, and at the ripe “young” age of 42, I was thinking that I was somehow going to “get by” and become accepted by my stepchildren, primarily because I had married their mother. I was getting by trying to be “nice” to my new stepkids but comments like... Read more
It’s very normal for parents to worry about whether their child’s anger is age appropriate and typical or whether they need to be concerned and perhaps seek professional help. In my clinical practice, parents ask me on a regular basis for suggestions to help them deal with their child’s angry outbursts because parenthood doesn’t come with a manual to deal with this issue. For instance, Holly, 45, and Dave, 48, came to counseling because Devon, their nine year old son... Read more
During a couples counseling session, Jenny, 42, and Sam, 43, sit on the couch in my office and discuss their disputes about their two young children, chores, and finances. Sam says, “it seems like I can never do enough to please Jenny. She wants me to do more chores, make more money, and buy her a bigger house. Meanwhile, she took five years off from teaching to have our kids and our income was cut in half. I am glad... Read more
The most common complaint of couples that I work with today is that they have fallen out of love and the passion has dwindled between them. However, falling out of love usually does not occur overnight. Likewise, relationship repair takes time and effort on the part of both partners and includes rekindling sexual intimacy and emotional attunement. There are many ways for couples to fall back in love and ending a habit of criticizing each other is a good first... Read more
A healthy, intimate relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems. In a healthy relationship, you can develop tools to deal with them, but not necessarily solve all of them. However, sweeping issues under the rug only works for so long. Because when couples have deep-seated resentment, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over and can be a challenge to forgive and... Read more
Sydney, 39, and Tim, 40, have been attending counseling sessions for over three months and when I asked them what they were doing to celebrate their anniversary this year, they both paused and said they didn’t have plans. Tim reflects, “It doesn’t matter what we do for our anniversary, we never really get along anyway.” Sydney responds, “This is true, it seems hypocritical for us to go out for a pricy dinner when we argue and never really listen to... Read more
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