It’s important to discuss financial issues with your spouse before and after you get married. With time and patience, you can identify your fears and concerns about money matters. It’s also key that you and your partner pay attention to the red flags of financial infidelity, such as hiding debts or secrets accounts, which contribute to marital problems. Stress related to finances is a leading cause of divorce. Justin, 48, and Serena, 45, have been married fourteen years and have... Read more
Whereas we hear a lot about the value of couples learning better communication skills, learning how to give and take is essential for both people to feel relatively satisfied in their relationship. According to the authors of the study The Normal Bar, the happiest couples learn to compromise. They write: “This seems to be the core secret for relationship happiness: frequent compromises over time, and balance in giving and getting, conceding and winning.” What is the meaning of the word... Read more
Many women become involved or even obsessed with the wrong partners – ones who are emotionally unavailable, unfaithful, addicted to substances – or who cannot love them back. Becca, a bright and outgoing thirty-year old, provided Kevin with unconditional love and did her best to make up for his unhappy childhood. After they moved in together, she tried to anticipate his every need and provided him with a warm and supportive home. She often put her needs on the back... Read more
For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel they are needed and appreciated for support they give. If they have been let down in the past, the prospect of needing someone can be frightening. Women with a fear of depending on their partner usually aren’t aware of it. Often they complain that their partner is not meeting their needs. Many women who are fearful of love fall into one of two... Read more
In most cases, red flags appear fairly early on in a relationship that can signal eventual disaster if they’re not dealt with. In fact, most divorced couples report that one or both partners buried resentment and avoided dealing with their problems for years prior to their breakup. A healthy relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems and can develop tools to deal with them. It’s... Read more
Dear Terry, I’ve been dating Steven for two years and he wants to make a commitment to be exclusive, and hopefully engaged soon. In the past few weeks, I’ve been getting cold feet and I don’t know why. Steven’s a good guy, smart, good-looking, and ambitious. He’s finishing up a master’s degree in engineering and will get a great job because he already has a lot of experience working at his dad’s company. You see, we are only twenty-five and... Read more
Dear Terry, I’m in a relationship with a man who doesn’t respect me and treats me poorly. I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and don’t know how to change this pattern. He won’t end it because I do a lot for him but it rarely seems like he thinks about me or considers my needs. I desperately need your advice because I have two children, ages six and ten, and I don’t want them to suffer... Read more
Marriage is not for everyone yet most people in the US wed at some point in their lives. That being said, commitment and even marriage can be a healthy desire if you bring realistic expectations to it. But many adults don’t have a healthy template of intimate relationships to follow, making it difficult to know where to start. Perhaps the first step is reevaluating your view of commitment and adjusting your expectations. Most observers agree that marriage in the US... Read more
When answering this question, it’s important to understand that narcissism exists on a continuum from mild to severe. Narcissism ranges from self-centeredness and other narcissistic traits to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Keep in mind that narcissism is very hard to diagnose – even by experts. The key to making an informed decision about staying or leaving a relationship with someone who you believe has Narcissism, is to become more informed so you can make a conscious choice. Narcissistic Personality Disorder –... Read more
The upheaval that is triggered by going through a divorce can change your perceptions; and can alter your feelings about relationships and expectations for your future. No one gets married with the intention of getting a divorce so you might find yourself ruminating about what went wrong. Now in the midst of a breakup, your brain is being rewired and reconnecting with the world in new ways. How you choose to do this is up to you. It’s an exciting... Read more
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