Dear Terry, I’ve been feeling very discouraged about my ability to keep a relationship together and notice that I’m always nagging and picking on my partner. I’ve recently started counseling and my therapist recommended that I begin to look at my own behaviors and to stop focusing so much on what my fiance does wrong. Since I first started dating in middle school, I’ve picked guys who were either out of reach and difficult or too nice. I definitely have... Read more

Dear Terry, I’ve been dating the same guy for four years and I’m just not ready to make a commitment. We have a good time together but I’m not sure if “he’s the one.” It’s so hard to withstand the pressure to get married since I’m 33 and most of my friends are engaged or married. To add to this, Jackson has proposed twice and says he won’t do so again unless I give him a sign that I’ll say... Read more

Even in marriage — one of societies oldest institutions — there is apparently room for innovation. In a era when convenience is king and technologies like AirBnB, Uber and myriad dating apps have upended more traditional business models, marriage may be getting something of a makeover. More and more, couples are looking for the security and the specificity of Contractual Marriages. Previous generations have had their squabbles and successes with more familiar prenuptial agreements, which outline the financial parameters of... Read more

Dear Terry, My husband Jonathan and I are going through a dry patch in terms of our passion for each other. We haven’t had sex in over two months and I don’t know what to do. I still find him attractive but we’re both tired from working two jobs and taking care of our two young children. We live far away from both sets of grandparents so we have to hire a babysitter if we want to be alone or... Read more

The most common complaint of couples today is that they’ve fallen out of love. However, falling out of love usually didn’t occur overnight. Likewise, relationship repair takes time and effort on the part of both partners and includes practicing forgiveness and emotional attunement. There aren’t any foolproof ways for couples to repair problems in their marriage but ending destructive relationship patterns and increasing sexual and emotional intimacy is a good first step. Put an End to Harmful Relationship Patterns According... Read more

Hi Terry, My husband and I have been unhappy for some time and we just can’t seem to break out of our negative cycle of arguments. Eric and I were high school sweethearts and always had some rifts but things got worse after we had three kids and he lost his job. We disagree over small things and both dig our heels in and have trouble apologizing when we make a mistake. Right now, Eric is starting a small business... Read more

In over 40 years of research on couples in his “Love Lab” Dr. John Gottman discovered that the two leading causes for divorce are criticism and contempt. In his book Why Marriages Succeed and Fail, he reminds us that criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an attack on the person. For instance, a complaint is: “I was worried when you didn’t call... Read more

Dear Terry, I’ve been feeling very discouraged about my ability to keep my marriage together and notice that whenever we have an argument lately, I start thinking about divorce. Since I first started dating in high school, I’ve been mistrustful and fearful of ending up like my parents who divorced when I was young. I definitely have trust issues and seem to undermine my own happiness by finding fault in others. For example, after Brian and I were married, I... Read more

The philosopher Rousseau famously said “patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” Those words take on a special meaning for married couples in light of a new study from Pennsylvania State and Brigham Young Universities. In their important findings, researchers Paul Amato and Spencer James, discovered that while happiness gradually declines during the first twenty years of a marriage, couples overwhelmingly report greater satisfaction once they’ve reached their second decade together. This ebb and flow seems to support earlier... Read more