Working with families has been my passion for many decades and one issue that comes up often in counseling over the last few years is how to monitor children’s use of technology. When Karen sat in my office describing her challenge monitoring her son Justin’s use of his IPhone and video games, I suggested that she examine her own use, keep track of Justin’s use daily, and take action by coming up with a plan. Fortunately Karen agreed to this... Read more
When my marriage ended, I went through a period of self-reflection and found myself ruminating over what went wrong. It took me awhile to realize that this is a normal part of grieving and moving on after a relationship dissolves. The reality is that breakups are hard. We have all faced them and been challenged by letting go of the why and how things could have gone differently. Goodbyes are never easy regardless of who initiates the breakup. However, I... Read more
During their first counseling session, Rebecca, 37. and Kevin, 36, discuss how they tend to dig their heels in during arguments, and how bickering can quickly escalate into a dispute. We’ve all been there: the day-to-day routine with our partner falls into a pattern of conflict, and fighting seems inevitable. When the central relationship in our lives feels fraught and a fight looms around every corner, our emotional health and our other, non-romantic relationships suffer. In a recent article for... Read more
During a counseling session, Kyla expressed frustration about her life feeling out of control, being overweight, in debt, and feeling down on herself. Most people, like Kyla don’t understand the value of writing New Year’s Resolutions that are realistic and therefore attainable. After working on some realistic New Year’s Resolutions with Kyla, she felt that she could achieve most of them in the coming year. They were specific and practical and could help her to achieve a healthier lifestyle.... Read more
Unfortunately, it’s easy to overlook someone’s faults in the early stage of a relationship. Infatuation and chemistry can prevent us from seeing red flags even if they seem obvious to others. We might fall in love quickly because it feels good to be desired and fail to ask crucial questions about a person’s values, interests, and character. Who we choose to commit to is one of the most important and costliest decisions a person will make, yet it’s not uncommon... Read more
Kyla, 40, sat on the couch of my office telling me about her unhealthy relationship with Keith, 45, and how after ten years, she was still living with him and putting up with verbal abuse and disrespect. Kyla put it like this, “I’m not sure why I’m still with him. The put downs have gotten worse and my self-esteem is at an all time low. The other day I was driving the car and took a wrong turn (because it... Read more
It may seem odd that I feel compelled to write about what I owe my kids because they’ve endured my divorce. Yet as an adult child of divorced parents and a mom who has been divorced, it’s my belief that children of divorce are entitled to certain rights. That’s not to say that children raised in intact families don’t have rights – it’s just that children of divorce deserve special consideration. Distinguished divorce researcher Elizabeth Marquardt adds her perspective on... Read more
When Sondra, age 40, arrived for her counseling appointment, she wanted to focus on her difficulty in selecting partners who are a good match for her. She also acknowledged that her former therapist (in college), told her that she had insecure attachment because both of her parents were alcoholics who ignored her emotional needs. I validated her experience and began researching this topic. In a recent article for The Gottman’s Institute’s website, Dr. Marni Feuerman dissects attachment theory and the... Read more
When Kylie, 35, and Henry, 36, sat in my office for a couples session, it became clear that they were disconnected because they sat at opposite ends of the couch. When I asked them what brought them in for counseling, Kylie spoke about how Henry was constantly on his phone and she felt ignored. Henry shared that he knew he had an addiction to his phone but he just didn’t realize how bad things were with Kylie. Kylie put it... Read more
Intimacy is an important source of comfort and provides predictability in an uncertain world. It’s important for you keep your marriage in perspective. Many people avoid being close to their partner and lose out on the rewards of intimacy such as feeling safe and connected during times of turmoil. Why waste time fearing intimacy? By being vulnerable, you can achieve intimacy with our partner and stand a better chance of achieving long-lasting love. On the long list of factors that... Read more
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