My Vagina and Me: Politically Incorrect and Lovin’ it!

Every year, in preparation for Valentine’s Day (V-day, or Vagina Day in politically correct, whack-a-doo feminist enclaves) various college campuses, community centers and umm, Unitarian churches prepare to use the occasion not to celebrate an early Christian Martyr, but to suggest that every woman is a martyr of sorts, a lone upholder of vaginal integrity, thrown into a tarpit of bubbling male lust and violence.

Right on schedule, comes this story re the University of Oregon, which is undergoing some unusual pains and contractions as it attempts to deliver yet another year’s version of this mediocre beast of a play, The Vagina Monologues, the Eve Ensler mess that has made her a latte-drinking-world-problem-solver on the basis of her overuse of the word Vagina. This is a play that allows boomer women and their like-minded offspring to feel cutting-edge and daring as they routinely act like 5 year olds sitting around a table giggling and feeling naughty because they are getting away with saying “poopy-head.”

I recall reading once that a NY production of the piece ended with actress Glenn Close encouraging the audience to join her in a ferocious chant of the “C-word,” (don’t make me spell it out) which turned rather savage, women grunting and breaking out into tears and sweat as they chanted and churned; it was considered a moment of some cultural import that various luminaries such as Oprah Winfry, Brooke Shields and Marisa Tomai took part in the Great C*** Chanting of NYC that particular year.

Hattip to Polipundit for bringing Taranto’s piece to my attention. This story is mind boggling. In part:

In February we noted that a kerfuffle had erupted at the University of Oregon over a production of “The Vagina Monologues,” with protesters objecting to the lack of “diversity” in the show. We’re pleased to report that hilarity has ensued as a result of the efforts to head off problems in this year’s performance. The result, as recounted in the Daily Emerald, a student newspaper, is a perfect story of political correctness:

The producers will not hold auditions. Last year, says “Women’s Center spokeswoman” Stefanie Loh, “the fact that they had auditions means that some people are automatically excluded.” Instead, the “Women’s and Gender Studies Program” will nominate potential cast members.

Producer Nicole Pete says that last year, “the queer community, the women of color community and the plus-size community did not feel represented,” and she plans to remedy this by selecting performers who are ” ‘not necessarily drama-oriented’ in favor of ‘people who work (toward) ‘The Vagina Monologues’ mission of ending violence against women.”

“All parts in the script calling for women of color will be played by women of color,” reports the Emerald. Says Pete: “That was one of the big concerns last year was that a white woman portrayed a woman of color.” Presumably it will be all right for a woman of color to portray a woman of pallor.

There’s one big problem, however: “It will be more difficult to ensure that women who identify with the queer community participate in the production. ‘That’s where it gets kind of tricky,’ Pete said. ‘I don’t think we can legally ask anyone what their sexual orientation is.’ Instead, the producers will inform a potential actor that a particular part is a ‘queer role’ and ask, ‘Do you feel that this represents you?’ ”

So that we all understand: The liberal celebration of mediocrity (in the name of inclusion) continues apace. Rather than exclude untalented actors, there will be no auditions – instead the most politically correct, most committed, the hardest working women for the cause will be “nominated.” How pure. So, those women who have so little going on in their lives that they can donate the most time to feminist-victim-whinery will now fight for the right to act, and badly. I hate to tell you this, ladies, but someone is STILL gonna be excluded. Idiots.

All I know is this: I do not want to watch a plus-sized (or anorexic) politically correct lesbian (or non-lesbian) of any color, persuasion, ethnicity (or lack thereof) carry on to me about “lesbian-good-rape” or first periods, or those ol’ debbil mens! I do not want to repeat an experience of my liberal days, where I get to listen to some idiot woman in the row behind me suddenly stand up and exclaim, “Oh, my Gawd! I’m thirty-five years old, and I’ve never seen my cervix!”

My vagina and me, we’re just fine as we are. My vagina is exclusive – do you hear me, EXCLUSIVE – given over for the enthusiastic romping and procreating of one good man, and the deliverance of two blessed other good young men. My vagina is no weeping sister of eternal caterwauling! I do not have to keep my legs crossed in order to muffle the sound of its distress! The walls of my vagina do not thwack together in hiccuping hysteria and hyperventilation at the cruelty of men and unenlightened women. Tampons are my friends! My non-queer, unagendized, non-inclusive, politically incorrect, focused warrior vagina could beat hell out of any other pansy-assed, whiney, mediocre, liberal vagina in the whole wide world!

In fact, I am ready to launch my barbaric yawp of a vagina into the University of Oregon’s neighbor, Washington State, where the ongoing attempt to steal a Gubernatorial election for the Democrats is starting to really piss my vagina off!

Fear me, liberals, fear The Vagina of Common Sense, The Vagina of Staggering Competence, The Vagina of Victory! Don’t make my Vagina come into Washington and smack you silly, because after reading that item, it is feeling mighty tempted and rambunctious! To arms! To arms! Gird thy vulvas! Equip thy clitorae! Now, onward, Vaginas, to Victory!

UPDATE: Welcome to you Captains Quarters visitors, and hearty thanks to the Captain, himself, for the link! It feels like Christmas-come-early!

UPDATE II And welcome all you Baldilocks-ers. What a treat! Thanks, Baldi!

UPDATE III And, finally, a big shout out to all you folks coming over from Polipundit. Polipunditers? Polipundits? Anyway, welcome, and thanks, Lorie, for the link!