I Hate Corn…

… Specifically, I hate corn fields.

I’ve talked about my Mirkwood, those tangled dark woods that menacingly exist at the edge of my land and where even the dog is afraid to venture in too deeply.

I’ve talked about the insane wildlife that prowls the grounds under the cover of night — The Chupracabras, the coyotes, the demonic deer, disgusting bugs, and tormenting birds that chirp and screech all night. And the toads. When it rains it’s the plague of frogs.

Now I have a new menace to add to the list.

Corn. Evil corn.

When normal people see a field of corn…

When I see a corn field on imagination hyper-drive…

And once again I find myself out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by horror because every farmer within a five miles radius has covered their entire acreage in this insidious crop. Imagine it… driving down the road, alone at night, and to either side of you are fields and fields of towering corn. Each field containing hidden horrors waiting to ponce. Demon deer. Ax wielding maniacs. Zombies. Ax wielding maniacal zombies riding demon deer.

Who knows what monsters lurks between their rows.

It’s like living in the middle of a haunted corn maze. all. the. time. with little chance of escape. Ever.

When I go outside at night I hear the stalks rustle and move in the darkness. I know it’s in there. It knows I know it’s in there, always watching from the stalks. At least I think we have a mutual understanding, I hope … as long as I don’t wander too closely or linger too long.