prayer for myself…

… it feels weird and contrived when I set out to pray for myself; like I should be doing something more constructive… prayer for other people perhaps. The act of praying for my own needs and wants seems self centered. I am sure there’s some heresy associated with my over scrupulous tendencies. Like the time I was called a Calvinist in the confessional.

Part of it has to do with spiritual laziness I’m sure. Praying for myself would involve an effort to self examine areas in my life that are in most need of prayer and His guidance. I often rationalize this by concluding that God already knows better than me what I want and need…. so why be redundant? Sometimes I just don’t like to pray for myself because what I want is rarely what God has intended for me. I am a poor bull headed daughter of His.

Then there’s the time I prayed for myself and actually got what I prayed for and it turned out I didn’t want it after all. How do you pray “Gee, God, thanks for the gift of an answered prayer but please tell me you kept the receipt?”

I’m no great theologian but I think that is just asking to be smote.