Catholics Told ‘don’t Panic’ After Saint’s Blood Fails To Liquify

A PRIEST gently shook a reliquary holding the congealed blood of San Gennaro, the patron of Naples. When it failed to liquify and slosh about as it was meant to do, he turned the glass ampoule upside down then wobbled it about a bit.

But St Januarius, as he is also known, wasn’t having any of this malarkey, carried out last week at Naples Cathedral.

After all, from beyond the grave, he’s been entertaining the faithful with his liquification trick since 1389, and maybe he just wasn’t in the mood. Or perhaps he disapproved of a sea of masked faces in the pews. Who knows what goes through a dead martyr’s brain?

So everyone prayed – for hours. But, according to this report, God wasn’t playing ball either. Conclusion: this was a bad omen. There’s an ominous precedent: in 1980, when the blood failed to liquify, a massive earthquake struck southern Italy just two months later and more than 3,000 people perished.

An exasperated Fr Vincenzo de Gregorio, abbot of the Chapel of St. Januarius in the cathedral said:

When we took the reliquary from the safe, the blood was absolutely solid and remains absolutely solid.

When the blood remained stubbornly clotted as the day wore on, Gregorio insisted there was no need to panic.

It’s alright, we will await the sign with faith.

As far as I know, they’re still waiting.

Has no-one’s thought of bunging it in a microwave oven?

Vatican journalist, Francesco Antonio Grana, was one who remained unperturbed by this supernatural failure, pointing out the that the liquefaction “almost never” happens on December 16.

The saint’s blood last liquefied in May and September of this year, according to Cardinal Sepe, the Archbishop of Naples.

In 2015, Pope Francis prayed for the liquefaction to occur, becoming the first sitting pope to do so since 1848. On that occasion, the blood liquefied and then promptly dried up. Francis joked: