A Beltane Poem – Quite Possibly The Worst One Ever

A Beltane Poem – Quite Possibly The Worst One Ever April 24, 2018

A notion came over me to write a blog about Beltane. My clever idea involved finding a thought-provoking, erudite poem. I’d then use a couple of stanzas at a time as the launching pad for each section of the blog post and make profound observations about the seasons and how Beltane impacts my life, our lives.

Alas, my “down-the-rabbit-hole” sojourn into Googlelandia only lead me to soul crushing disappointment, out  loud guffawing, and occasional pronouncements of “Ooh!” and “Oh! They didn’t”. But they did.

I’ve read a fair amount of pretty awful poetry in my life. I’ve penned some truly catastrophic collections of words disguised as poems myself. Re-reading pieces I wrote in my teens, designed to woo someone into my supersized waterbed, replete with a furry bedspread and Star Wars action figures (Yea! I was that cool) would be more favourable than reading most Beltane poems I found on the interwebs.

Then I took a shower. Mostly, because it’s the decent thing to do and partially to get the stink of too many “blade goes into the chalice” references out of my hair. And it dawned on me, I should write a really amazing Beltane poem. I didn’t. I wrote this piece of unadulterated shite instead, reminding me that anyone can write a poem but few of us are poets. So enjoy…or don’t…you probably won’t…


It’s Beltane.

Knock boots.

Bump uglies.

Enthusiastically say “yes” to having someone else’s bits in your pieces.

Perhaps, just for a change of pace, let someone put their pieces in your bits.

You might entertain aligning bits with bits or pieces with pieces or mixing bieces and pits in glorious, and as of yet, unheard of combinations.

You never know, a dalliance with daring, might change your life.

It’s Beltane

Regard growth

Be becoming

Wholeheartedly give yourself over to the utter deliciousness of it all.

Perchance, start sentences with “perchance” when speaking of bees.

Consider honey and blossoms and bulbs and all manner of verdant things being verdanty just because they can.

You never know, being verdanty like only you can be verdanty, instead of being someone else’s idea of verdanty, might change your life.

Also, make up words that make your mouth smile at itself and add lines to the second verse just to throw things off a bit. 

It’s Beltane after all. Go a bit wild.


So there you have it folks. Go be verdanty. And do send me links to really amazing poems about Beltane. I do so love good poetry.

Happy Beltane

No extra points for Beltane Innuendo. I just like this picture










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