Fear, Discussion and Reality

Yesterday I wrote a post about the bathroom hoopla. It was shared by my fellow Patheos writers Melinda and Rebecca on Facebook and both of those shares created really great discussions. Other threads weren’t so fruitful and I looked at my combox briefly and ran away. I just buried my uncle, I am not ready for the online flame wars.

On Patheos there are a lot of differing kinds of Catholics who are all obedient to the teachings of the Catholic Church but have their own personal experience and point of views in life. We all have our own human experience and sharing that with each other can teach us a lot. A lot of people outside of Catholic circles don’t really realize that there are a lot of things that Catholics are free to debate and discuss without being heretics, hell many people IN Catholic circles don’t realize that sometimes.

It is possible to understand the truth of our faith, be obedient to it and still see that things like bathroom bills need some common sense discussions. Not everyone in this country lives their lives according to Catholic Church teaching and we can’t force them to. We can’t force trans people to not be trans because it goes against our religion. There is room for all kinds of discussion on reality, science and mental health there, but that doesn’t mean that we can ignore the fact that trans people need to pee and they should be able to go to the bathroom of the gender that they identify as. This issue has a lot of parts, talking about one part is possible without accepting arguments about other parts as true.

My post was about three main points:

1. Public restrooms are dangerous and they always have been. It is a parent’s responsibility to understand that in order to keep their children safe.
2. Sexual abuse can happen anywhere, by anyone. I have seen people who are saying trans people are deviants and perverts both of which are insulting to an entire group of people. Whether or not I agree with their lifestyle doesn’t change the fact that insulting them isn’t ok.
3. Exactly how is anyone supposed to make sure that everyone going into a women’s restroom has a vagina without being a jerk? It is unchristian to ask someone if they are really a woman and to prove it.

I do think that it is irresponsible for any parent to send a child into a public restroom alone and think that they will be 100% safe. That’s not me trying to shame anyone, that is me saying that there is absolutely nothing worth the slightest chance that a child can be assaulted and will have to live with that trauma for the rest of their life, I know because I lived with it for most of mine. But the responsibility of keeping our children safe doesn’t end with public restrooms. There are so many other things that as parents we need to do: watch out from grooming signs, teach kids about their body and who can touch them where and many other things. I am sure that I went over the top with my kids due to my abuse, but I never ever let anyone take them to the bathroom but me and my mom. Nobody was allowed to tickle them or wrestle with them. My daughter and my husband have had to ask me to chill out so that they can build a relationship with each other because of my crazy. Like I said, I get the fear, but the world isn’t responsible or capable of taking that fear away from us, we have to work it out day by day.

There are people who do not look like the stereotype of their gender who will be targeted now for not being in the “right bathroom” and that has to be difficult for them. Really, we need to stop and think about the big picture. How can we come up with solutions that keep everyone safe without insulting each other or imposing our beliefs on others. I’ve seen a lot of people say they don’t seen anyone insulting trans people as they proceed to call trans people mentally ill as an insult. Guess what? I’m mentally ill. I have PTSD from being raped as a 5 year old, does that mean that everything I say should be dismissed? That I shouldn’t have a voice in the public square?

On the flip side, I’ve gotten emails from people who aren’t happy with me saying that I understand why homosexual acts and sex changes are wrong according to the Catholic Church because I am still saying who people are is wrong. Well, let me tell you who I am: I am Catholic. It would be stupid to disagree with tenants of the faith that I proclaim. I didn’t accept them blindly, I researched the why’s and it all makes sense to me. God made us, He loves us, and He created everything we need for happiness and we consistently misuse those things and end up hurting ourselves, that is what sin is. My sin might not be homosexual acts or denying my sex, but I have plenty of other sins, such as wanting to punch people in the face all.the.time. I also do not reduce an entire person down to their sexuality or gender. Or political views. I understand that I can love someone and totally disagree with them on things. I can be rooted in the teachings of my Faith and still discuss things with people who don’t. That is how I learn.

There is beauty in having discussions with people who come to the table with totally different views that myself, we should all try it.