December 12, 2018

All of us want to change. We want to be better. At least we claim we do. As we walk down the street or stand in line at the grocery store, we imagine things we might do to improve our health, energy, appearance, or social standing. We are longing to thrive and live lives full of action. But too often our ideas die on the back of our tongue. They disappear in the wind. Why is it so hard for… Read more

December 10, 2018

I’ve been watching a true crime documentary on Netflix. The newly retained defense lawyer met with the defendant and made a pretty audacious statement. She said: “I am going to find the truth. So, you better not be guilty. Because if you are, I will find out.” In essence, she was saying, “the truth might destroy you”. The same is true for our relationships. We don’t say this out loud, because it sounds so counter-intuitive. But we are afraid of… Read more

December 7, 2018

One of the reasons clothes are so important in our society is because it communicates who we are. What matters to us. What we do for work. What we think is important. An officer in uniform is a sign of authority. A socialite in an expensive dress communicates her wealth.   A couple days ago, we were standing on an NYC subway platform. Two police officers came running by, their hands on the nightclubs hanging at their sides. They were… Read more

December 5, 2018

Everyday, without fail, things happen. Life is a long list of events. Circumstances are the scenery in which the human drama plays out. We spend almost all of our time trying to make sense of what is happening around us, trying to perform best in our scenes, and reacting to the roles of others. Circumstances are inevitable. No matter how many times we hit the snooze button, we cannot avoid them altogether. There are two ways to look at our… Read more

December 3, 2018

It is difficult to establish boundaries. Whether for ourselves, like in implementing an exercise regiment, with others, like a parent rearing a child, or in business, like a boss keeping account of an employee. But even harder than establishing boundaries is maintaining them. They have such a slippery surface, that it seems the things that worked yesterday might not work tomorrow. We tend to view the advent of boundary setting as final. We don’t want to set boundaries today that… Read more

November 30, 2018

Our culture looks down on quitters. Quitting is a shameful behavior. But, at the same time, we do it every day. We hardly begin a thing before we are looking for a way out, just in case it goes sour. In order to avoid the shame of quitting, we manipulate our perspective. We make ourselves victims of our circumstances. We blame others so we do not have to take responsibility for our own decisions. Sometimes quitting is okay. Can we just say that?… Read more

November 28, 2018

Two of the most important arenas for humans to engage are their values and their vision. They are intimately linked. And the differences are subtle and slippery, but vitally important. One of the mistakes we make as humans is turning values and vision into synonyms. We don’t see a difference. Which is to say, we don’t truly understand either. But a true perspective on the relationship of values and vision brings color and life to both, enabling us to live… Read more

November 26, 2018

There is nothing that drives the trajectory of life more than vision. Where we are looking determines where we go. Implicit or explicitly stated, vision is what motivates us. We may borrow a vision, or discover a vision aligned with our values and passions. The inescapable reality is that vision drives human thought and behavior. Because of this we need to be able to measure its efficacy. When I was a kid, there was one day a year where the… Read more

November 23, 2018

Every day we wake up and log in to a game. The game is called control. We spend our entire day trying to gain control. We want to control the way people think about us and the way things turn out, our work and relationships, our emotions and our outcomes. The scramble for control is a system one behavior. It has been programmed within us. We don’t even realize we are doing it. And when we do, we’re not sure what could… Read more

November 21, 2018

We live in a somber world. There is no escaping the reality of challenge and pain in our everyday lives. However, this is not the entire story. As we stumble towards maturity, both individually and relationally, the often-untapped power of gratitude has the ability to transform everything.   Why Not There is one simple reason we find gratitude so difficult to come by. We don’t want to be victims of absurdity. Because we live in a world of hurt, we… Read more

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