October 1, 2018

It happens everyday. We mess up. We make mistakes. Imperfect people make imperfect choices. We live in flawed communities with faulty relationships, all in the midst of a culture striving to be better. Part of the striving includes inevitable failure. But how do we make sure we fail forward? Believe it or not, every situation, season and setting are an opportunity to learn. Pain is a faithful teacher. Like a kid falling off a bike, scraped knees can either be… Read more

September 28, 2018

It seems like it shouldn’t be so hard. I don’t like what I’m doing. But I am having trouble changing my ways. The attempts at new behaviors just aren’t working. A lot of us understand what to do but have a hard time figuring out how to do it. Our system one is so deeply embedded and reinforced that we cannot seem to find our way to change behavior. Change happens in the structural tension between our There and our Here. Too often, we are focused on… Read more

September 26, 2018

Every day, we face a myriad of choices. They flash and jump and shout in front of us, vying for the important result of our decision. With competing agendas, the hope is to influence us to choose a perspective that benefits the parties involved. We hear all the time the importance of priorities. Organizing what we are to do into what is most important and what is least. This sounds a lot easier than it is. The main issue with… Read more

September 24, 2018

It happens in every marriage. Two people who live together can’t help but grate on each other at some point. Two different backgrounds. Two different priorities and sets of values. Two entirely different people trying to live as one. Marital arguments are an age-old reality. One side trying to make their point and get their way. Both sides fighting to be heard and valued. The argument is nature’s way of deciphering a winner. It is relational survival-of-the-fittest. And you may… Read more

September 21, 2018

There is something significant about the start of a brand new day. The deck reshuffles. The cycle of life starts anew. We awaken to new opportunity. No matter what happened before, there is a freshness to the day. We may wake up groggy or dreading the agenda waiting for us. But the newness is there. When we despair, it is because the newness feels a lot like sameness. A lifetime of new days has convinced us there is nothing new… Read more

September 19, 2018

You may have heard it said a thousand times. Forgiveness is more about the person forgiving than the one being forgiven. It might be true, although it certainly does not feel like it. In the difficult challenge of navigating relationship, forgiveness can be a powerful tool, an asset or a liability. And it’s not just about the good of one or the other. Forgiveness sets the whole relationship free. It blurs the line between forgiver and forgivee and allows the… Read more

September 17, 2018

Deeply seeded in each of us is a fear of rejection. We wear it on us like a heavy cloak, constantly feeling its weight on our shoulders. It informs what we do, what we say, and how we think. It is the driving force (or at least one of them) behind how we relate to others, what we think of our leaders, and how we determine our commitments. We run from rejection like it is a plague. And it is…. Read more

September 14, 2018

Relationships are hard. And as the epitome of human connectedness, intimacy, and proximity, marriage might be the hardest of them all. The reason marriage is so difficult is because two people have to merge into one (while also keeping unique identities). This is also what makes marriage so beautiful. Done well, marriage can be a source of energy, encouragement, and fulfillment. Done wrong, it can be a mitigated disaster. While many of us are struggling deeply, all of us have… Read more

September 12, 2018

One of the things we long for is consistency of character. We want to be the same person, through and through. Sounds easy enough. But it isn’t. The weight of circumstance drifts us to and fro like the rip of a tide. Blown by the wind and tossed by the waves, it is hard to keep our footing in an ever-changing landscape of challenges, triumphs, and trials.   Shifting Terrain The reason for our inconsistencies are the uneven terrains of life…. Read more

September 10, 2018

Pain hurts. It is unpleasant. A digging kind of sorrow. A nagging sort of torture. As such, we avoid pain at all costs. It is a classic human instinct. We see pain coming and we fight or run. We hide from pain. The fear of agony cripples us. When inevitable pain finds its way into our story, we do our best to quiet it. We rub dirt over it, sweep it under the rug, pretend it isn’t there. We lie to our… Read more

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