Emotions are complicated. In our modern culture we really aren’t sure what to do with them. We are both afraid of them and addicted to them. We ignore them or we worship them. Our feelings are an important tool for vibrant living. They are important for our relationships. But how do we know if what we are feeling is right? How do we know if our emotions are telling us the truth? Feel First and foremost, our feelings are... Read more
Little Drummer Boy is one of the most recognizable Christmas songs in modern culture. It speaks to the heart of what Christmas is about. The heart of what it really means to be human. When I was a kid, I thought the part that went “pa rum pum pum pum” was some sort of language. I thought it was saying something I did not understand. And I guess it was. Just not in the way I imagined. Those words are... Read more
Every once in a while, it is important for us to take stock of our boundaries and readjust as necessary. We do this in our marriage. There are two times we evaluate boundaries. The first is in response to a current boundary being crossed. And the second is when we decide to do a sort of check-up with ourselves (and our relationship) to see where things are. It goes without saying the latter is much more effective than the former.... Read more
It seems as though great seasons end too quickly and terrible ones linger. In New York, the winter seems long. The month of August seems eternal. But the in-betweens, when the weather is cool and a day walking through the city is pleasant and refreshing, seem like they last two short weeks. It is the same in the “seasons” of our lives. When we are really in a grove, loving where we are and what we are doing, time seems... Read more
Walking around New York City can be annoying. When I think about our lives here, I think about the crowded streets and subway stations more than anything else including the famous sites and tall buildings. New Yorkers get a bad wrap for their frumpy demeanor. But the thing that is annoying about traversing New York is how much people struggle with spatial awareness. You don’t see this so much on the road. People are constantly measuring where their vehicle can... Read more
Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship? Do you have to tell each other everything? There is something powerful about secrets. A power that can be dangerous. The worst parts of us fester in secrecy. They burrow a little hole in our souls and tell us we have to hide. That we are not okay. We are failures. Sinners. Ugly and disgusting. And they tell us those lies to keep us from exposing them. When our faults are... Read more
A few days ago, I accidentally nicked my finger on the edge of our table and it started to bleed. The scratch was small but it stung in that sharp, throbbing sort of way. I was in a hurry, trying to get out the door and head to the office. I rushed to the kitchen and got a paper towel. I pressed it to the cut and let it bleed. I looked at it and it seemed fine, then a... Read more
Life is hard. It is too hard to do alone. Someone once told me healthy adults know when to raise their hands and ask for help. This was a sharp turn from all of the things I had heard before about what it means to be successful. For too long, I believed I needed to be an employee who has all the answers, a leader in all walks of life, a parent who never loses patience and a spouse who... Read more
When we are feeling lonely, there is an obvious and (to us) clear solution. We need to be around people. We need to find a group or a crowd. A romantic relationship or a friend we can trust. It makes sense. Unfortunately, it is ineffective. There are plenty of people who feel lost in a crowd, lonely within their marriages. How can I feel so alone with so many people in my life? It can be very confusing to feel this... Read more
There is a fine, but important, line between what we are praying for and who we are praying to. Prayer is an exercise in trust. A conversation between two entities in relationship with one another. What we ask in prayer matters very little compared to whom we are asking. Aiming Our Prayers Unfortunately, that fine line has become blurry for many modern Christians. Rather than pray to God about our circumstances, we are praying to our circumstances. What I... Read more
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