Here

For a long time the worship song, Here I am to Worship used to be my go to prayer-language-phrase.  It was the phrase I found myself writing in prayer journals over and over again.  It was the phrase I heard myself repeating to God when there was nothing else to say.  It was the sentiment I felt most drawn to when it seemed the truth was more aligned with ‘here I am having screwed things up Lord.’

Acknowledging the here & now is the hardest part, isn’t it?  At least that’s why I stuff in another doughnut.  That’s why I run out to buy something new for that temporary happiness boost.  I’m here, this hurts.  Let’s fix it.  But this is also what sends me straight to God.  Here I am to worship.  Or at least, here I am not capable of the type of worship you’re so deserving of.  But I’m here.

Here I am seemingly incapable of loving these children the way they need to be loved.  But I’m here.

Here I am soaking in all this goodness you’ve given me, but distracted.  Still here though.

There’s so much comfort in that.  When I have nothing to give, nothing to impress God with just showing up is enough.  I’m here.  Here I am very scared.  At least it’s honest.

Thank you God for accepting me here.  I will be here.  Here I am in the beautiful.  Here I am in the ugly.

Here I am.

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This post is a part of Five Minute Friday where we write for 5 minutes flat on a weekly prompt.