There have been a multitude of end-of-the-world predictions concocted throughout my lifetime. Too many to count in fact. The latest comes from this crackpot named Mathieu Jean-Marc Rodrigue, who claims that according to the Bible, June 24, 2018 will be that fateful day. Somehow or another, if you do some calculations based on crop prices, a passage from the book of Revelations (yes, with an “s”), and some other nonsense that I can’t quite follow, you’ll come up with this date.
Because of this hocus-pocus, I wanted to take a moment to set the record straight. The end of the world won’t happen on June 24—not according to my calculations anyway.
Here’s what I’ve come up with.
First, if we assume Jesus died in 33 AD, it is then safe to say that we can take that number and multiply it by 66, the total number of books in the Protestant canon. What we get is 2,178. Now, if we then take the current price of wheat per bushel ($5.1050 in US dollars) and multiply it by how many parables are in the book of Matthew (23), we’ll get 117.415. If we round down to 117, what is interesting is that if you add up all the digits, you’ll get 9. And as we all know, 9 divided by 3 is 3—3 being the total number of members of the Holy Trinity.
Now, this is where things start to get interesting. If you take our first calculation (2,178) and subtract our second number (117), you’ll get 2,061. What is so interesting about 2,061? Nothing. But if you invert the last two digits, you’ll get 2016, the year Donald Trump was elected. This marks the start of the Great Tribulation.
This is a very interesting date indeed. If you add up the digits of this date (1 + 0 + 1 + 2 + 0 +1 + 8) you’ll get 13. 13 is fascinating because, as the Bible clearly states, there is 1 God in 3 Persons—13. This proves that my calculations are divinely inspired.
So, there you have it. You don’t have to be afraid that your summer plans will be cut short. You will, however, miss out on the next Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. But don’t fret, those are evil, pagan holidays anyway.
What do you think? Is the world going to end on October 1, 2018? It seems just as plausible as all the other predictions, does it not?
Cheers! Oh, and enjoy the Apocalypse.