I know my husband loves me and thinks I’m attractive. So I’m confused and a little hurt why he asked me recently to put my Victoria’s Secret catalog out of sight. I’ve gotten these in the mail for years and I never once thought I needed to “hide” them from my own husband! Does this mean he’s attracted to other women?
–Hurt and confused
Dear Hurt and Confused,
I understand why it’s easy to be hurt – but I’m actually really encouraged to hear this. Because it sounds to me like he’s asking you to put the catalogue away so it doesn’t trigger a common visual male temptation in his mind – which means he’s trying to love and honor you well.
It is easy to misunderstand this because we women don’t tend to know something about how the male brain is wired. In the back of the brain (the part that regulates breathing, digestion and the other stuff we don’t consciously think about), there’s a small center called the nucleus accumbens. This is the center that lights up when you’re famished and you see food across the room. You’re drawn to notice that food in a very gut-level way. The next thing that happens, though, is that the cortical (thinking) centers in your brain kick in and you can decide if you’re going to start eating immediately or wait until the rest of the dinner party arrives.
It sounds to me like your husband is trying to honor and love you well by asking you to remove that temptation in the first place (instead of secretly indulging it). Sounds like you’ve got a good man there. So instead of being offended, thank him for being a good hubby, and hide the catalog!