Very Mature

I have a confession to make.

Remember my last blog post? Remember how I sounded thoughtful, rational, and somewhat mature?

Thirty minutes after I published that post, I was locked inside my bathroom, crying on the floor while my kids banged on the door.

Here’s what happened: I asked my husband to look over the post before I published it, mostly so he could make sure I hadn’t made any erroneous claims about the Church’s teaching on contraception, but also to check for any grammatical errors. Ten minutes later he said, “It’s fine.” And I said, “But is it good?” He paused, then responded, “It’s fine.”

I gave him my best wounded-puppy look while dramatically clutching my lower back and making my enormous belly stick out even further. He said, “I don’t want to give you an honest criticism because then you won’t publish it, and I want you to publish it.” Annoyed, I sat down and hit PUBLISH POST. Then I turned around and said, in an extremely exasperated tone, “NOW will you give me an honest criticism?” He told me that I really needed to do some brushing up on basic rhetoric, pointing out several areas where there were failed parallelisms and other missed opportunities to make the post more polished. “But that’s why I asked you to edit it!” I whined. He said, “I didn’t want to make any changes because you often get really upset when I criticize your writing!” (Note: This is absolutely true.)

At that moment, the tea kettle whistled. I slowly, slowly got up from the chair and waddled into the kitchen. As I was standing at the stove, unwrapping a tea bag, it dawned on me that I was a terrible writer, was wasting my time, that no one would ever read, enjoy, or appreciate these stupid, random posts, and that I might as well just keep having babies because at least that’s something I’m good at. So, five minutes after I had left the study, my husband heard our children attempting to kick open the bathroom door, came to check out the situation and found me crying hysterically on the bathroom floor.

After a brief conversation in which he assured me that I wasn’t a terrible writer and I wasn’t wasting my time, but like all things, there is an art to writing and it is one that must be learned and practiced, I felt marginally better.

But I was angry at him for making me feel marginally better, so I said, “Can’t you just leave me alone and let me cry for a little while?”

To which he replied, “You just wrote a post about learning not to feel sorry for yourself, and not half an hour later are asking me to leave you alone and let you feel sorry for yourself?”

In the interest of humility, I thought I should share that with you.

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  • catblue

    This is GREAT!! Keep on posting…this could be a hit. Love the way you write as I can almost "hear" the words being spoken as you type. I've heard about a couple of women whose mommy blogs got so many hits that companies started contacting them about placing ads. They are now "clearing" about $5-9K a month and all they do is BLOG. Wouldn't that be a bonus for sharing your experiences!!

  • J M Yaceczko

    Hey, Calah – I really enjoy this blog. Thank you for writing it. I'm personally a fan of stream of conscious writing. I love what you're doing, what you're saying, and the honesty with which you're saying it. That takes balls. ;) Way to have some, pregnant lady.

  • Calah

    Thanks guys!

  • Andrea

    lolI'm glad you posted this today in your list, because you wrote these posts before I found your blog.I have to laugh, because you are a great writer, and honestly what I mostly saw in this was: irrational pregnant woman.I have NEVER been irrational when pregnant.(cough cough)

  • Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble

    Thumbs up to this post! You are my kind of blogger! :)

  • The Ranter

    I'm new to your blog, and I'm enjoying it greatly.

  • Christina

    I just found you through the Darwin's blog and I just wanted to echo the others and say how much I love the blog! Oh… and I've come to the conclusion that we should be friends. Peace!

  • Kathleen@so much to say

    Oh, Clah, you poor girl! I am 14 weeks (15?) pregnant with #4 now, and although I haven't had many of these moments, I do remember having the I'll-never-be-any-good-as-a-writer feeling after my husband (a professional "journalistic" writer) critiqued me, and the thought of going through it while pregnant makes me laugh, and want to cry.It's been about 6 years and we've learned how to stay out of each other's business and stay professional when mutually critiquing. So I promise, there is hope! LOL

  • Kathleen@so much to say

    (Sorry I typo'd your name! Should've reread the comment first!)

  • Leah Jacobson

    LOVE this! Our lives sound so much alike. Just trying to use your brain and contribute something to this world other than children (which really, is there anything more useful?)and the husband goes and takes you down a peg! Sounds like everyday in our home….but he's always the one that packs the kids up for a long drive and leaves me to a few hours of peace and quiet so I can recompose and do back to being more than "just" barefoot and pregnant.