Things You Can’t Unhear

Crimeney, this day started out on all the wrong notes. First, I accidentally ate a cookie for breakfast, then I missed my run because of rain and a late start, then I read this which linked back to this and then I watched the video and dear God, this song is awful.

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And because I’m postpartum, I cried. I cried at crass emotional manipulation posing as Christmas music, and now I hate myself.

For the record, this is my favorite awful Christmas song:

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Because Shane McGowan, that’s why.

And this is my favorite actual Christmas song:

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For pretty much the same reason as above. And yes, this so totally counts as a Christmas song, and don’t let the Crescat tell you otherwise.

Now I’m off to Whole Foods to celebrate elitist consumerism with the snotty, child-hating masses. Pray for me.


Update: Charlotte just broke my phone. Is 10 am too early to start drinking?

  • Patricia Yandell

    Just loved the PS. It probably is….but then it might make the rest of the day seem better. It won’t be but will just seem that way. Then again …..a prayer would have an even better result without the hangover.

  • Karen

    Whole Foods? Why, for the love of all that is good and holy? I went there once and nearly suffocated in the self-righteousness-infused atmosphere.

    • calahalexander

      Only because of their unparalleled grass-fed meats, and the fact that I can’t find some herbs at any other grocery store. I nearly suffocate every time, though.

  • JMcDonald

    Fairytale of New York is bar none the best Christmas song.

  • jen

    Wanna know what’s even worse than having to hear “The Christmas Shoes” at the mall? Being forced to listen to the worship team leader’s daughter do it as a duet with the guy that the worship team leader is having an emotional affair with DURING the Christmas Eve service which is all pop music Christmas crap. Did I mention that this is a liturgical church and the worship team leader pretty much screwed up Christmas Eve and Holy Week with her attempts to promote her daughter and her emotional lover?

    There’s a reason I kill her off in every NaNoWriMo piece I write.

    • calahalexander

      Dude, this is the most awesome comment ever. I love that you kill off the worship team leader in your NaNoWriMo pieces. You’re awesome. Also, that duet sounds excruciating. I once went to a church service and heard someone sing a solo of Norah Jones’s “Don’t Know Why”, replacing the word “wine” with “why”. She was a good singer, but I left, because it was an insult to God and to wine and to Norah Jones and to the institution of correct freaking grammar. A heart cannot be drenched in why. That doesn’t even make a little bit of sense. I hate crap like that. This is why I’m a big fan of Gregorian chant.

  • Sus

    Christmas Shoes should just be illegal. I had cancer (I’m fine now) and was getting radiation. I’m on the table and the machine was moving to get in the right place to shoot me up. Christmas Shoes comes on the radio. I start sobbing which made me start laughing. The radiation techs come rushing in to find out what’s wrong. I’m sobbing and laughing so hard I can’t even talk. Finally, I pointed to the radio and they got it.

    From then on, the techs changed the radio station to a station that didn’t play Christmas music when it was my turn.