Fellow Patheos blogger Kimberly Knight has penned an awesomely creative response to “bible drive-bys” that we progressive Christian bloggers have become all to accustomed to. Check out the comments section in my recent post on the SCOTUS marriage equality rulings for an example of bible drive-bys along with a great series of substantive responses.
Here’s Kimberly’s hilarious description of a bible drive-by:
“an unidentified perpetrator rolled up in what witness claim was a light brown, late model, Chevy Camelus, and pulled out a Winchester NIV and began shooting verses in the direction of the victims. ‘Random OT & NT clobber texts were flyin’ all over the place’ said one witness. ‘That guy was just shootin’ with no regard for who he hit or if they was hurt at all.’ said another.”
The source of such mayhem? Mythianity!
“Mythianity, also known as Myth, is a highly addictive, synthetic and explosive substance made through a blending of a handful of disjointed Christian proof texts, exclusionary doctrines and mindless creeds that produce intense hubris, unbridled certitude and long periods of self-righteousness.”
Anhydrous Amens – Anhydrous, meaning without water, is what sets these amens apart from holy utterances infused with the water of life. A known antidote to Anhydrous Amens is repeated doses of Amos 5:24
Asinine – Asinine is a natural element and helpful to the body in small amounts (especially when suppressing inhibitors in order to enjoy theme parks with young children). But taken in large amounts, Asinine becomes toxic. Asinine can be rendered inert by repeated exposure to Sophia.
Pauline Fixative – Pauline Fixative’s effect of releasing dopamine is thought to be one reason people become so addicted to Mythianity. The problem is that by hyper focusing on the fixative Pauline rather than the liberative work of Jesus, Myth users eventually lose the ability to feel compassion at all. See also Bibliolatry.
Luckily, Kimberly has several suggestions of what to do should you encounter a Myth lab in your neighborhood:
“Cleaning up a Myth lab is a dangerous and complicated process which should be engaged by both theologically trained professionals as well as kind and gentle Christians who are seeking to live into the example of radical hospitality set by Jesus.”