Southern Baptist Theological Seminary SWAT Team Seizes Steven Furtick’s Degree in Raid

SWAT 2.1LOUISVILLE, KY – The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary SWAT team seized and recovered one of their seminary degrees in a raid on Pastor Steven Furtick’s mansion. The mission, titled “Operation Elevate”, was purportedly sanctioned by SBTS President Dr. Albert Mohler, as an attempt to maintain reformed doctrinal and worldview standards among the seminary’s alumni.

Although Steven Furtick graduated from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary with a Masters of Divinity degree, he has since become an influential prosperity preacher. His views are widely recognized to be opposed to Calvinistic doctrine. Rumors of the raid circulated for weeks prior within Reformed communities.

“We are pleased to inform the public that the search and rescue mission was a comprehensive success,” commented an anonymous inside source. “It was well planned and executed flawlessly. We can all sleep better knowing a Southern Baptist Theological Seminary degree is home safe. The objective moving forward is that forthcoming seminary students discern the earnestness and theological standards we place on our graduates. We take our degrees seriously and will take them back.”

Reports claim Operation Elevate started at 4 am and took approximately 7 hours to complete – much longer than standardized SBTS SWAT team raids. Further details of the report explain the duration was due to what was described as the “whopping-huge size of the house.” The degree was eventually found hanging on the wall in a study.

Although no one was physically harmed during Operation Elevate, the enormous house proved too challenging for some of the less-experienced members of Mohler’s SBTS SWAT team. At least three men were pulled out of the operation as they described becoming “lost and disoriented” in the mansion.

The degree is expected to be returned to SBTS headquarters, In Louisville, where it will be carefully examined, processed, categorized, and stored for future research.

Dr. Mohler is expected to make a statement and address the raid in his daily public briefing.

Feature Photo Attribution: Photo 1, Photo 2; CC 2.0

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