4 reasons to ALWAYS listen to your wife

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Most men aren’t very good listeners (and I’m a man, so I can relate from personal experience). The more I work with couples, the more I’m convinced that a lack of listening (particularly on the part of husbands) is one of the biggest barriers to trust and intimacy in marriage. I’m not trying to beat up on the guys here, because marriage is a two-way street, and both husbands and wives have important responsibilities, but this particular post is a challenge for the men (myself included).

The Bible has a lot to say about marriage and the dynamics of healthy relationships. For me, one of the most important verses about marriage in the Bible is one we often overlook. It takes place as Jesus is about to be crucified and just before Pilate (the Governor) makes his terrible verdict, Pilate’s wife comes to him with some advice…

Just then, as Pilate was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent him this message: “Leave that innocent man (Jesus) alone. I suffered through a terrible nightmare about him last night.” Matthew 27:19

Did Pilate listen to his wife? NO! History remembers Pilate as a fool, but his role in the story could have been completely different had he only listened to the advice of his wife.

My amazing wife Ashley is my best friend and my dream girl, but I’ve still failed many times when it comes to giving her my undivided attention. So, what about YOUR marriage? Is listening an issue? Are you tempted to tune out when your wife is talking? Are you only pretending to listen, but really watching Sportscenter? We’ve all made those mistakes at times.

This isn’t about us beating ourselves up, but rather, this is a challenge for us to give our wives the attentiveness and respect they need and deserve. We should listen ALWAYS, because our wives always need our best. Our marriages are shaped by what we do with consistency, so let’s create a consistent habit of better listening.

In addition to the reasons listed below, listening to your wife will teach your sons how to how respect to women and it will teach your daughters to expect respect from men.

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Here are four reasons why we should always listen to our wives:

1. Listening to her perspective will help you see every situation with more clarity.

When you thoughtfully consider your wife’s perspective, you’re able to see every situation more clearly. Women tend to be mindful of details, considerate to the feelings of those involved and in tune with aspects of the situation that we (as men) may be likely to overlook. Her perspective will add richness and depth to your perspective.

2. Listening to your wife will increase your wisdom.

The Bible (particularly the book of Proverbs) has much to say about the differences between a wise person and a “fool.” One of the chief differences is a willingness to listen. When you listen to your bride, you’re honoring her, honoring your Creator and also growing in your wisdom. When you disregard her, you’re acting foolish.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.Proverbs 18:13

For a collection of our marriage ebooks and some stellar communication tools to keep you and your spouse connected, you can download our new Marriage App for iPhones and iPads by clicking here.

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3. Listening to your wife helps you grow closer to each other.

Communication does for your marriage what breathing does for your lungs. When you wife is talking to you and sharing the details of her day, she’s attempting to engage with you on all levels. Most women have a need for meaningful communication that is every bit as strong as the typical man’s need for sex.

For more on this, you can watch my FREE video on How to build intimacy and trust in marriage.

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4. Listening shows your love.

It’s really as simple as that. When you truly listen, you’re communicating your love and respect to the most important person in your life. What more reason do you need?

For daily encouragement to help you build a rock-solid marriage, you can connect with me on Facebook by clicking here.

Check out my new book “The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships”

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  • Susan Gail Peters-Turk

    Hey Dave! I’ve been communicating these same exact facts to my husband for 16 years so I must be on the right track. Thanks for the validation.

  • Esgama

    What use is even the truth of this article if in fact nothing much changes about the way women generally are regarded in (at least, but probably not limited to) evangelical churches? Each time, the weight tipping to the side of the men since there are no bible texts (presumably) to sufficiently back-up any woman friendly view on this matter. …. And then blogs like these come along, to sort of pat the woman on the shoulder as if ‘we’re not so bad after all’ and as if there IS a case for using logic and reasoning in order to increase our live’s quality in living and existing together, but only when NOT discussing the position of the woman in the church. Hm..

  • Matt

    Marriage is two people that have to listen and respect each other. It’s easy for one side to pick on the other, but that’s were the problem is. Not every women is wise and knowledgeable and either are some men. Sometimes their are leaders in a marriage that has the best intentions for all the people they care for and actually do know the best course even after listening to both sides. Men and women should feel free to speak and not to be silent conforming to the other ones wills and rocking the boat.

  • Peter

    I have a question. Adam listened to Eve and was told “To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.”

    How does this fit in with your ideas that one should “always listen to your wife”?

    It would appear that one should not listen to one’s wife except possibly to get some extra input, but the man must then make the decision for both, even when it involves telling her that her input is worthless or wrongheaded lest we end up as Adam.