9 things married men need to stop doing

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As I’ve interacted with thousands of married couples in person and online, I’ve noticed some bad habits many husbands are doing to sabotage their marriages. There are obviously many unhealthy behaviors many wives are doing too, but I’m going to focus this particular post on some of the most common and destructive habits of married men. This is NOT intended to bash my bros out there. I struggle with things on this list too. This is intended to be a call to action for all of us to step and make some radical readjustments for the sake of our marriages and families.

This is not a comprehensive list, but these are some of the most common bad habits of many married men. If these are a factor in your marriage, please take immediate action to correct these issues. If you’re a wife reading this, I’d also encourage you to read my popular post on 9 things your husband is always thinking about to better understand the male thought process and to improve communication in your marriage.

In no particular order…

1. Getting more excited about Fantasy Football than you get about your wife and kids.

As I’m writing this, it’s football season and I’m a fan, but I’m blown away at the amount of time, effort, energy, money and enthusiasm so many guys invest into Fantasy Football. Guys, “Fantasy” in the name, so it’s not even real. It’s okay to be fans, but let’s not live vicariously through pro athletes all football season long at the expense of our loved ones. Let’s be more excited about our real lives than our Fantasy stats.

2. Looking at porn. 

This one is going to step on a lot of toes, because millions of people (a majority of them men) look at porn regularly and see nothing at all wrong with it. I address this in much more detail in my popular post on the Truth about Porn, but in a nutshell, porn desensitizes us from real intimacy. It’s a form of virtual infidelity, and it’s a “gateway drug” towards other marriage-destroying behaviors. Marriage requires monogamy, and monogamy should be mental as well as physical. Instead of living in the fantasy world of porn, work to build stronger sexual intimacy in your own marriage. Check out our new video course on sex and intimacy in marriage for some healthy (and porn-free) ways to spice things up.

3. Zoning out when your wife is talking to you.

Men and women process communication in different ways, but both spouses need to make conscious efforts to connect with the other. Men, we can have a tendency to “zone out” during conversations, but our wives need and deserve our full, undivided attention. Let’s not approach conversations like zombies on autopilot. Let’s be fully present. Remember, your wife’s need for meaningful communication is every bit as strong as your need for sex. That should put it into perspective.

4. Getting mad at your kids for stuff you do too.

I catch myself in this one all the time. We can easily get into the “Do as I say” instead of “Do as I do” mentality, but our kids need our example much more than our instruction. We can’t tell them not to cuss when we’re cussing in front of them. We can’t tell them to control their temper when we venting our anger all the time. We’ve got to practice what we preach if we’re going to have any longterm credibility.

For more tools to become a better husband AND dad, download a FREE chapter from my new book here.

5. Checking out other women.

This one has a lot of similarities with #2 (looking at porn), but it creates some separate issues as well. When we check out other women in public, we’re publicly disrespecting our wives and publicly objectifying other women all at once. Watch where your eyes go. Don’t swing your head around at every woman wearing yoga pants. Have more respect for your wife. For more on this, listen to this FREE audio clip from my audiobook.

6. Not wearing a wedding ring.

This one is controversial, but I’m a big believer in wearing a wedding ring. I talk about this in more detail in my post on 3 Reasons to Wear Your Wedding Ring. Whether or not your wear a ring is one of the first things women will notice about you and they will make assumptions about your “availability” and even your commitment to your marriage based on the presence or absence of a ring. Wear it as often as you can.

7. Giving your career and hobbies your best and giving your wife your leftovers.

We’ve all been guilty (at times) of giving our best efforts to other people and pursuits and then giving our leftovers to the ones who should matter most. Let’s make every effort to give our very best energies to our families.

Dave Willis quote love your family more

8. Staring at your phone more than you make eye contact with your family.

I don’t want my kids’ primary memories of me to be the top of my head while I stared at my phone or laptop. This is a struggle for many men (including me), because we feel the pressure to be constantly connected to the world, and sometimes, it even feels like a necessity in working to provide for our families. Still, we need to create clear boundaries to have the electronics shut off as often as possible so we can be fully present and engaged at home.

9. Expecting your wife to do everything around the house.

Stats show that even in homes where both the husband and wife work full-time outside the home, the wife is still doing the vast majority of domestic duties around the house. Guys, we need to step up here (I’m talking to myself too). Your wife is not your maid. Give her the respect and support she deserves by helping around the house (and in all other areas too).

Men, whether or not these particular issues apply to you, let’s resolve together to be the husbands and fathers our families deserve. Let’s love, protect, provide and serve them to the best of our abilities. Let’s make sure our actions and our words communicate our undying love and commitments. They need and deserve our very best!

For more tools to build a rock-solid marriage, check out my new book “The 7 Laws of Love: Essential Principles to Build Stronger Relationships”

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Chris

    Hmm, I think I can make a better list
    1: Getting married
    2: Getting married
    3: Getting married
    4: Getting married
    5: Getting married
    6: Getting married
    7: Getting married
    8: Getting married
    9: Getting married
    10: GETTING MARRIED!

    Now men, not doing these ten things can lead to a happier life in general.

  • James

    This has a misleading title since most of these points do not ONLY apply to husbands but to both partners.

  • drjunkie

    “Stats show that even in homes where both the husband and wife work full-time outside the home, the wife is still doing the vast majority of domestic duties around the house”

    Studies also show that one person (doesn’t matter which) doing a majority of the domestic duties around the house makes for a MUCH happier marriage. Strange.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    “Stop looking at porn.”

    I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.

    You talk about living in the fantasy world of porn, but that’s not a real issue. If it were, people would discourage people from watching TV or romance movies as they provide the same kind of stimulation. It is the preconceived attitudes to porn that are the most damaging. If you don’t think women who have sexual appetites are immoral and subhuman, you won’t suddenly develop misogynistic views upon watching porn. This is why the studies on the effects of porn are so varied. Sexually negative training either is internalized or rejected long before people ever are old enough to even watch porn.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    These are all stereotypically male issues with relationships. I tend to think that anything that relies on tired stereotypes to make a point, is inherently flawed, and probably better off ignored.

  • Trey Lucich

    We do # 2 together….

  • Dylan Skriloff

    Married men live longer and make more money

  • Dylan Skriloff

    The woman should do the maid work and the man do home repairs, cleaning up outside etc. I think gender role polarities are positive for most relationships

  • Dylan Skriloff

    The porn industry is pretty gross. Yes preconceived attitudes in this instance match reality.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    So you assert that women who are in porn are either evil immoral subhumans to be reviled and abused, or that they have mental issues stemming from an absentee father and are trapped in a web of evil because no woman would ever like that kind of sex if she likes it at all?

  • Dylan Skriloff

    I’m sure some like the money

  • Mordecai Hunter

    I would say that porn hasn’t changed, it’s just the terms you search for that have gotten worse. Maybe one of the things we need to do as men is stop looking down on women who like sex. It’s actually the issue so many have with their wives. They think of their wives as good upstanding women who would shun their sexual desires or they think that doing such things with the mother of their children is immoral so instead of doing it with them, they turn to other women for their desires to be met.

    If they stopped thinking that it’s wrong to feel that way about their wives, maybe they wouldn’t have such a problem wandering off.

  • Dylan Skriloff

    Porn sex is pretty much fake so I can’t really respond to whether people who do it like it. A lot of women in the industry are messed up or drug addicts. That doesn’t mean they all are but it’s generally a negative institution.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    Why can’t it be a conscious choice that they have made, and it not be a license to treat them like garbage? There are plenty more addicts in the world of business. Plenty more in fast food even. This doesn’t mean we automatically assume that they are simply because that is their job. Why is it distasteful to suggest that we not treat these women like they’re less than human?

  • Mordecai Hunter

    You didn’t read his comment it seems….

  • Kuildeous

    “Marriage requires monogamy”

    You lost me there. The list is generally pretty good, but this assumption rules out those men and women who live nonmonogamous lives. Making such a blanket statement tells your reader that the rest of the list might not be for them.

  • JamieHaman

    Interesting point. Question for you, if a man is in a multiple partner lifestyle, when would he have time for porn? Or am I completely missing something here? Since I’ve never been in one of those relationships, I’ll admit to a lack of sophisitication here.

  • Kuildeous

    Men who dig porn will find time for it. There’s nothing tying porn specifically to monogamy, polygamy, or no relationship. It depends on the guy. I’m sure a guy with five partners could still look at it if he wants.

    My objection is with the assumption that happens to fall under the porn category. The objection is not with what he says about porn. Not all marriages are made the same, and that includes monogamy.

  • Dylan Skriloff

    Very few strippers have major life-debilitating drug problems. It’s just a stereotype.

  • Sarah Rix

    When I read this, I heard you sounding like you have your nose plugged and envisioned a stick up your butt.

  • Political Humor

    So basically just be miserable. Got it. Great work bozos!

  • Bernice Graham

    So, how many home repairs are there, and how much is there to clean up outside, etc.? There is much more “maid work” than “men’s work.” Maid work is continual and every day. Who sits in front of the TV or computer more?

  • Nathan

    Some of these are just common courtesy but some are stupid.

  • Marcia Sharp

    I was married for 32 years. I wouldn’t be married again if you paid me. My marriage wasn’t perfect, but, we made it until my husband died. It can be just as destructive for women as for men.

  • Freeta Bee

    WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE WIVES WATCHING PORN?! ARE HUSBANDS THREATEND BY THIS? DOES THE WIFE WISH SHE WAS WITH THOSE MEN?
    THE ANSWER IS NO!!! to both of those things… Just like we know we cannot eat the food from the cooking shows we watch. BUT WE MAY WANT TO MAKE THAT STUFF IN OUR OWN KITCHENS.

  • Dylan Skriloff

    It’s up to you. Just my opinion that the sexes find roles as it enhances the masculine feminine pull

  • Dylan Skriloff

    When you write this I envision a sloppy mess. Roles are often positive guides to follow. They are in our brains and the other option is often nothingness.

  • Raegan Dugal

    I can see your side of this, but I slightly disagree. My boyfriend and I split roles. One of my favorite things to do is mow the yard. I don’t always want to do all the dishes. We work together to make sure everything in the house is taken care of. I typically do most of the inside cleaning because I am the one who it bothers the most, but that does not mean if there is an inside chore that he is too good to help out. After all, they are his and his kids dishes and dirty laundry also.

  • JamieHaman

    Thank you, I appreciate both the courteous reply, and the realyity of it.

  • yigs

    oh my god. Take it easy you overly emotional feminist freak.

  • Dylan Skriloff

    I’m not enacting laws I just think it’s smart to do things that enhance the gender polarity

  • Dylan Skriloff

    And on the other hand if roles are too rigid that can be stupid. It’s good that there’s flexibility. It used to be believed that women were not even capable of half the things they’ve proven they can do.

  • Cut Me Up Gently

    This article belongs on eHow… because it was utterly useless.

  • Corey Dorsey

    I disagree, if one is ready to get married.

  • Ross Williams

    #9 has been debunked for decades. It’s as perverse as the “domestic abuse doubles during the Super Bowl” horseshit.

    The ‘women do all the housework’ claim is predicated on dishonestly disqualifying the work men do. Mostly the men’s contributions to home upkeep is disqualified because the “typical man’s work” does not occur in the house, but in the yard. Mowing, trimming, pulling weeds, spraying for weeds, etc. The dishonest rationale: “HEY!! We’re not talking YARD work here…”

    It’s still necessary to maintain the home. It counts. Women’s work in the home garden magically counts toward her time investment, so does the man’s mowing.

    Other forms of husbandly contributions are disqualified because, well, they can be done faster and more efficiently by someone who does that as a profession. Minor auto maintenance was the biggie in this category. It takes a normal guy an hour and a half to change the oil in the car when it only takes the guys down at Insta-Lube 12 minutes. So therefore, when the husband does it … no good. Doesn’t count.

    Yet we forget that absolutely everything the women typically get credit for can be hired out as well. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care … A modest house can be cleaned once a week for just about what it costs to get an oil change [and less than it costs to hire out the mowing].

    So … either house work that’s able to be hired out is disqualified [which includes everything] and thus the whole thing is retardedly moot, or it doesn’t, in which case the man vs woman time contribution to home upkeep is in virtual deadlock.

    This is just one of the many many sexist lines we’ve been fed for a few decades seeking only to discredit men and boost women. Buying into it requires ignorance or willful disingenuity. Which are you, Dave?

  • Chuck

    Porn is like sex toys for women….right?

  • DaniMormont

    I like that my husband watches porn. It doesn’t tear us apart. It’s not some “gateway drug” to other things. It’s porn. He likes watching the naked ladies. Sometimes I watch it with him. Sometimes we have sex while the porn is in the background. The day he stops being interested in porn? THAT is when I feel we’ll have a problem.

  • MoeEdweird

    bless your heart. give it time. it will take it’s toll, and will cripple your marriage. You said, “The day he stops being interested in porn? That is when I feel we have a problem.” // what a sad statement.

  • J Man

    You are probably trollin. If you are not, either 1) You are incredibly stupid and naive or 2) you are impossibly ugly (outside or inside or both) to accept to settle for so less.

  • paulie

    All sounds pretty reasonable to me. Man, some of the vitriol in these comments. It’s surprising…

  • Appjunkie

    I agree with J Man. There’s something seriously off if your intimacy with your spouse includes watching porn together, especially you not feeling betrayed by the fact porn is even part of your marriage. The fact that you feel something is wrong if he doesn’t watch it is extremely disturbing. I would look into marital counseling and if you feel your marriage is fine, some serious individual counseling

  • Appjunkie

    I think there are many valid points.

  • Appjunkie

    Use your imagination, don’t watch other naked individuals having sex.

  • Appjunkie

    I think that statement is reference of desire and lust of another which is the same thing as having an affair.

  • Appjunkie

    It’s not pure. Marriage should be sacred whether you feel that way towards it or not. Lusting and becoming aroused by anyone other that your wife clearly means you are not mature enough to be in a committed relationship of any sort. Porn can be an addiction just as substances or whatever holds a higher priority than your quality time with your spouse

  • Nolan Hughes

    Yes, sounds reasonable, but at the same time you can figure out that some of these even the wife does.
    1) Maybe the husband just wants a day off on Sunday from real life and just relax. Because we know many husbands are doing yard work or running errands all of Saturday so they miss their alma mater’s football game.
    2) Maybe women look at it as well. Either that or male nude magazines.
    3) Maybe make a point that actually matters and don’t talk about 6 different things in one conversation that makes it impossible for anyone to pay attention, even her own friends.
    4) Isn’t raising kids about teaching them lessons? And you think the wife doesn’t yell and scream. For my parents, it is my mom that breaks #4’s rules and not my dad.
    5) Yeah, because women don’t check out other men.
    6) I can get it when doing yard work, working on the car, lifting weights, or playing other sports, but just out in the grocery store or at work that is probably bad. But I also know a family friend whose wife said she doesn’t care that her husband keeps his ring at home because he just forgets it since there are more important things to remember when getting ready for work.
    7) If you work an 8 to 5 job and make good money some times you have to take your work home with you. My dad this when I was elementary and middle school and when he didn’t have to help me with much in school because he taught me that in life you need to teach yourself stuff more than you will learn from your teacher. He still had time to help me out when I was younger. Guess what, if he didn’t have that good job I wouldn’t have had such a good upbringing.
    8) When I go to a restaurant I witness this in BOTH genders for relationships.
    9) Well if your wife doesn’t have a job you should expect that at least she does some of the small things inside the house like cleaning, laundry, and getting groceries. That is how my family has been like because my mom didn’t work a full time job but my dad worked 40 hours a week and worked 45 to 60 minutes away. But my dad never wanted my mom to deal with the stuff in the garage or outside because he wanted to do it himself.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    Wow, you sound so sure of yourself. As if you know them both personally and therefore can predict how they will act… What’s that? You don’t know them? That’s what I thought.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    Or 3) neither of them have sex negative views about porn and think that an interest in sex is healthy. They don’t look down on the women as if they’re subhuman, and thus have no problem reconciling it in their minds.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    Why does her marriage have to be run like yours or the way you want it to? If she thinks his interest doesn’t detract from his interest in her or she doesn’t get jealous because there’s no way he’d ever be with any of these women, and watching porn doesn’t mean you want those women in the first place, that’s her business. Not everyone is going to be happy in your idea of marriage. That’s why you only get one partner, because your views aren’t for everyone.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    Even Christians have Song of Solomon. And I thought imagination was the problem? That it was a problem in and of itself to imagine? Which is it? Can’t have it both ways.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    You can’t avoid becoming aroused by other women. Pretending you can is denial and a sign of immaturity. It’s what you do with your arousal that matters. Do you run off with this new girl or do you say to yourself, “I appreciate what I have at home,” and then go and hug your wife?

    Porn can be an addiction just like anything else can be an addiction. But just like wine, is perfectly fine in moderation.

  • wsurfs .

    I say everyone should just get a Property Manager and just go on vacation..!! Problem solved..!! ;D

  • Steve

    This is the gayest shit I’ve ever read

  • Steve D

    What if your wife had no job and did nothing around the house then gets a part time job and wants you to do everything around the house? and you work a full time job.and your wife thinks the money she makes on the part time job is for her to spend however she wants and the money the man earns is for the bills?

  • B. Weber

    Good comments. Dave says right off that women do negative things too. This article was just for the guys. Stuff for them to think about so they won’t do things that could harm their marriage. Of course if your situation is reversed, maybe you could hint to the wife about a few of these things. My experience is that most of these things can harm a relationship regardless of who is the main perpetrator.

  • Brian Pan

    What sound does one whip make being lashed?

  • Brian Pan

    You seem rather intimately aware of what the flesh peddlers are introducing, Dylan?

  • J Man

    No. I will stick with the two options. Yours is just wishful thinking to try and feel good about something well determined and known to be detrimental!

  • Devin H

    i see quite a few things wrong with this, but the biggest one that jumps out at me is the ring one, the ring, yes, should be worn when able to be worn, but some people (like myself) can’t wear it during some/all of the work day, for fear of something called “Degloving” where something is slipping through your hands, and, with a normal hand, with no jewelry, would pass right through as it is supposed to, but would catch on a ring, and, if the force is strong enough, catch and pull the ring, which a properly fitting ring would come off, taking the skin of the finger right off with it.

  • Rachael Blouse-Thomas

    Steve, in my upbringing and in what I believe and have seen work for my marriage, my husband is the head and priest of the home. I have seen that men have a distinctive role in the house, as well we as women do to. This boils down to you are the authority. NOT the warden but the authority. One of the greatest things my husband did for me was outline his expectations of me as a wife if I was not working or if I had a part time job. I didn’t like it at first but I can tell you as I learned to understand his needs and was willing to make changes I needed to, our home became a well managed place to love to be. Often we feel that one should do this and one should do that. Men will beat their chests and yell from the mountain top WOMAN THIS IS MY DOMAIN GET ME THIS. That’s not right. You are a team. If she works a part time job, then talk about the expectations of what he money SHOULD cover. She cannot demand to spend her money on whatever she wants and you pay the bills. That is still living as individuals. It shouldn’t be HER money and HIS money it should be labeled as OUR money. When you came together in marriage you became a union. Nothing is separate and if you live in any way like that, that may be the first step to address. Everything you do will be an example to your children if you have them or will have them. My husband stepping up and taking authority was not abusive, NOR was it harmful to me. It was one of the best steps he took for us to become the best we are today! I appreciate when his word is the final say. I appreciate when he challenges me to see when I am being stubborn and selfish. He DOES NOT yell this at me, but he does point it out lovingly with examples and understanding as to why he sees it that way and how it effects him. That mattered to me and i had NO IDEA he felt so strong about being a team and that we do EVERYTHING as a team! I encourage you to take hold of your household and walk with her. Encourage her and don’t be accusing or pointing of fingers when you discuss matters of the house. The best book I have read is the 5 love languages. It has taught me MUCH about my husband and our lives are so much better because of it! Wishing you well!!!

  • Rachael Blouse-Thomas

    I don’t know them but I know this was the mentality of my dad and he became an porn addict and it stemmed out of control and caused all sorts of issues for both my brother and I in our lives. Marriage is between two people. If you read ANYTHING on Porn and the side effects and long term problems it can bring, there is NEVER a time when its healthy in marriage for a long period of time. Eventually someone will NEED it. Eventually the idea of sex will only ever been seen and performed but what is seen on the screen. There is no respect for each other. The mind will need it more and more. To say the day he stops is when the problem begins, the problem has already begun. Porn does not encourage a marriage relationship. It promotes a perverse and skewed ideas of how to be with many people and essentially make a deposit how to open your mind to new things and a skewed sense of self image. There is definitely an issue. I have lived through the consequence to this mentality and I promise you it will not end happily.

  • Rachael Blouse-Thomas

    If you are married and you have an open relationship what is the point of being married? Marriage is to be monogamous. Thats the point.

  • Kuildeous

    That may be your point of getting married, but that’s not everybody’s point. Marriage means a lot of things to different people. When you force someone to try to abide by your rules of marriage, then no wonder so many marriages fail. I have seen a lot of failed marriages because of cultural expectations, ranging from being too young, not really knowing each other, doing it because someone got pregnant, and committing to a monogamous marriage when one or both parties are not really monogamous.

    You obviously sound like you would be happier in a monogamous marriage. So I might conclude that you would not be comfortable in an open marriage, and I wouldn’t try to force that on you. So please don’t try to force monogamy on people who wouldn’t be comfortable with that. That just causes more divorces.

  • Wicked Red

    If your father had control issues, then *anything* could have been a catalyst for issues in the marriage. Addiction to any substance or idea, by its definition, is something that interferes with daily life. If there is no interference–or if there is agreement between spouses, then where exactly is the problem other than in the mind of someone outside the marriage? The idea that sex & intimacy *must* be a certain way to be “right” only serves to perpetuate problems. The only thing that *must* be present is the consent and agreement of the adults involved.

  • Wicked Red

    But by the argument in this article, even your imagination is “mental” infidelity. It’s ridiculous to be threatened by an image unless there is a larger problem within the relationship.

  • jules mdot

    You let her know what is realistic and what is not. Or find a new wife. Who needs someone that is a drain on your life? She sounds extremely self centered. I hope you 2 do not have kids.

  • Bob Bigellow

    I get married to my food every time I’m hungry.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    What’s detrimental is your draconian views on women and sex. Your “two options” are indicative of your misogyny. No one has to fit your definition of a relationship.

  • J Man

    Free country. You can have 10 more options. I chose 2 and i am sticking with it! BECAUSE THAT ‘S WHATI BELIEVE. I am not misogynistic, but if you wanna feel better, suit yourself

  • Mordecai Hunter

    I said before, you can be addicted to porn like you can be addicted to alcohol. In moderation, neither are a problem. If you have a healthy view of the women in porn and don’t see them as subhuman respecting that they are adults that have made their own decisions, it can be a good source of inspiration to try things and explore your sexuality with your partner.

    The studies on the effects of porn are horribly flawed, which is why they vary so greatly. People already have internalized or rejected sex-negative views long before they’re old enough to watch porn. If you internalized the message that women who want sex are immoral or dirty, watching porn will exacerbate that misogyny. The thought of being into it while thinking it’s wrong can cause a cognitive dissonance which can be difficult psychologically to reconcile. All that is avoided if you chose to see the women who do porn as humans worthy of respect.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    So you don’t believe that the women in porn are dirty or immoral?

  • J Man

    I am believe the devil mandated you to annoy me today. So, you should go back whence you came, indulge in as much porn as you want and have as many views as please you. I am sticking with the 2 !

  • J Man

    Mordecai, here’s the thing: Porn creates unrealistic expectation and those images play back during intimacy. The same goes for multiple partner couples. It degrades the person in front of you because you are physically engaging them based on an image you harvested somewhere. That is why it’s degrading and destroys in the long run. Now, stop annoying me, and start detox. Ok?

  • Mordecai Hunter

    So, you’re not going to answer my question? I thought so. Go away now.

  • Mordecai Hunter

    LOL If images in your head degrade your partner, then that means that even if you’ve never watched porn, thinking about previous sexual encounters with them will degrade them, and you’re doomed either way. You’re not engaging them based on images from elsewhere as it is impossible to not be in the here and now while having sex with your partner. Many people watch porn and imagine doing the things they see with their partner.

  • z–man

    Geeezz……that’s everything!

  • Haley McCalister

    That’s why he said “as often as you can”. It’s totally understandable if you can’t wear it for the safety of your work, yourself, or the ring itself =P It was more of a – if you’re going out to eat and catching a movie, there’s no reason not to wear the ring – kinda thing =)

  • Haley McCalister

    Strange…as it’s directed toward straight men. -_-

  • Haley McCalister

    idk I just felt like i should elaborate on your points =P ^_^

    1. If the wife is ok with it it’s fine. But if she expresses a discomfort about being ignored on Sundays then there’s a problem. If they both watch, perfect. If she doesn’t AND he doesn’t ignore her, perfect. There’s nothing wrong about being excited about something that’s only seasonal. It’s totally natural =P Wives needs to understand this as well =) We have our own things that we get excited about as well =)

    2. Even if a woman looks at porn, that’s no excuse for the man to do it. The wife should not either. Porn has a drastic negative effect on the human brain, male OR female. It will hurt both in the relationship eventually (or if not, then there are moral reasons for why pornography is bad), even if both partners watch it together. (I say eventually cuz sometimes the effects aren’t seen right away. Esp if the couple watches it together and enjoys it.)

    3. Woman usually always have a point. Or we’re just talking because we’re excited or stressed or just to hang out – which is when we usually have a lot of different points going on. Still, we listen to the men talk about their sports, or their video games, or whatever they love and listen to them (or we SHOULD, ladies) so no matter the conversation one should try to pay as much attention as possible to the other when speaking is happening =P

    4. Raising kids is about teaching them what is right, what is wrong, how to approach situations, how to handle situations, how to take a joke, how to fend for yourself, how to defend others, how to stick up for what is right even when no one else will. I know I’m the one who tends to be the more impatient and tends to get angry more often. Again – this article was directed towards guys but it goes both ways. Women should not act rashly just as much as men shouldn’t.

    5. I don’t mind if my fiancee thinks other girls are pretty, and he shouldn’t mind if I think other guys are good looking. It’s when the staring happens and you pay more attention to the “other person” than to your own spouse/girlfriend/whoever that you’re with.

    6. If the wife doesn’t care about the ring not being worn, then perfect. That’s not an issue. If the guy is faithful and denies any approaching women who think he’s single then he’s awesome too. It’s when the wife cares (under reasonable circumstances. We should be mindful if it cannot be worn due to it/you/something getting hurt) that it matters. If you both agree that it’s not a “must”, then great. But have that conversation before you decide to just stop trying to remember to wear it all the time ^_^

    7. Every kid is different. My dad was available a lot when I was younger, and isn’t so much anymore. But as long as he makes time, at least when it’s super important to the kid (like say it’s the champions game for Little League), then everything’s fine. Time management fixes this problem very well =) Also the child needs to learn and understand that if extra work appears that the dad needs to be able to do it (or the mom, whichever the case may be).

    8. Yeah…this is a HUGE problem for the newer generation. I feel like if both parties are ok with it then it’s fine. But if one member expresses a want of less screen time, then both should try adhere to it.

    9. Yes. If your wife does not work, then her work is to clean the house up. It’s split evenly that way. That’s how my family is. In families that both parents work, depending on the type of work both parents should split house chores equally (according to how much they’ve worked already) and if they have kids then maybe they can help out too.

  • Teri Lynne Miller

    #9 helping around the house. goes so much deeper. Helping implies it is the wife’s responsibility and you are assisting her. treating her like she is your mother not your partner with equal levels of responsibility. Why do we not say to thank your wife for helping the husband around the house? In this generation this is an unacceptable burden on the wife when she may be shouldering 50% or more of the wage earning responsibilities. and sadly it is the last item on the list when it should be the first. women today are tired!

  • linuca@mailinator.com

    I would add an important one: Don’t make fun about you wife nor criticize her in public.

  • lanie

    one small thing.. most of these, maybe with a little rewording, pertain to all men ( even all people for that matter)

  • Jaime Marie Richardson

    I cant believe some of these assholes comments lol, I mean shit he said straight up in the beginning IT GOES BOTH WAYS!…Im 100% sure if you went to the article he suggested for woman to read these same (Little men) are whinning about ‘Ohh Pitiful Me,She treats me sooo bad)….But because you feel threatend somehow hear your acting like douchbags or assholes…..Come on men,I think this artical was GREAT,I think only ADULTS recognize it pertains to BOTH sexes. And FYI Generally speaking people commenting asshole remarks here ,are generally doing something shady in the first place………THATS JUST MY OPINION BOYS!!! No need to be so disrespectful… Yalls dont like us ladys being or speaking that way,What makes you think we want to here your shit eather….. Just sayn. Dave Willis love this and thank you for sharing. Very inlightning. To all the Ladys or Gentalmen I might have offended with my mouth here I do appologize ,please understand this wasnt intended for you. Thank you 4 your time & ear,& have a wonderful day. Jaime Marie Richardson

  • once women give up vibrators, I will give up porn.

  • oh god. Moral issues?

  • Haley McCalister

    Yes. Moral issues. What’s wrong with those?

  • Morals are subjective

  • It sounds like “honey”

  • Haley McCalister

    Some morals are not subjective. Objective morals are like truth, it can’t change. It is what it is. I can provide answers to counter arguments if you would like =)

  • Look up the definition of morals. It is subjective based on what is socially acceptable at the time. Truths are also subjective. Like the one about God not existing

  • Haley McCalister

    The morals you are talking about are in regards to cussing, and peeing in public, and other things like that. Those ARE subjective morals. There is a higher morality, an objective morality, that lays the groundwork for our very existence as human beings. If this were not true, killing people at random would be perfectly fine. Destroying someone’s property would be fine. Stealing would be fine, setting fires would be fine, and a whole list of other things that most people can see are, in fact, NOT fine. This objective morality shows us how we should treat others as a human being, as well as how we should treat ourselves.

    Truths, are in fact, not subjective either. There is only one truth, however so many people in this world today believe that they have the “one truth” that people have started to believe there IS no truth. Again, this is wrong only because people have an intrinsic sense of right and wrong. Again, if someone were to ask if killing random people as you walk down the street was a bad thing, the answer would be “True”.

    These things, of course, stem down to even our everyday lives. Certain things should not be done (morals), and certain things will always be true or false, regardless of if anyone presents it as false and true (truth).

  • Brilliant [sarcasm intended].

  • I didn’t see anything in the article that went beyond common sense and decency.

  • CruisingTroll

    the wife is still doing the vast majority of domestic duties around the house.

    Stats show that this is actually meaningless. The wife is still doing the majority of domestic, i.e. HOUSEHOLD duties IN the house. The vast majority of HOUSEHOLD duties OUTSIDE the house, from mowing the lawn, clearing the driveway, to getting tires put on the cars, fixing this, that and the other thing, are done by the husband.

    A key difference is: he’s far less likely to complain to everybody about it.

  • CruisingTroll

    So, do you think that the man should do the plumbers work? For all the talk of “equality” I don’t see or hear women arguing that they’re being frozen out of the lucrative trade of plumbing, even though the trade is overwhelmingly male. Oh, what’s that? Women don’t want to work with other people’s crap?

    Do you think that men WANT to do it?

  • CruisingTroll

    uh, monogamy is pretty much the standard for a Christian marriage, and that’s the paradigm that the author, a Christian PASTOR is working from.

  • Kuildeous

    And that’s fine for his own point of view, but he didn’t specify the list is for Christian married men.

    Also, Christian marriages and nonmonogamy are not mutually exclusive, but that’s between his parish and him.

  • axelbeingcivil

    On point three, it can be really useful just to admit that you’re zoning out if you don’t have the mental energy. Apologize, explain, ask for a moment to get a drink or splash water on your face to refocus, or say you need to get some sleep, or talk about why you’re distracted, etc. If something’s distracting you, it’s probably for a reason, and pretending that you aren’t isn’t going to help things.

    Juuust try and keep from using “I am distracted” as the end of this behaviour. If you’re distracted or unable to pay attention, the solution is to be open and try to fix it, not just use it as a conversation stopper.

    I’ll agree/disagree on other points with variability, but open communication is super important on any of these points. Making sure that it stays that way is important.

  • axelbeingcivil

    Eh, less than you’d think. Telling people to do/consider something has an almost universal tendency to make us defensive, especially if it suggests we’re in some way at fault for something. There’s research to suggest that posters reminding people to try and be considerate about the issue of race (even if it’s as simple as “Don’t be racist”) actively make people more racist. Same with sexism, same with anything.

    People seem to treat a lot of attempts at positive nudging as a personal attack. It appears to be human nature.

  • Justin Geer

    what kind of woman would deal with any of this? Only one I am guilty of is #6. for good reason! Almost lost my finger in an industrial accident while wearing a ring. Otherwise your wife is #1! A man will sacrifice his life to protect his family so even his life is #2.

  • Craig Gibson

    What did you say, Dave? I zoned out thinking about porn.

  • AngryGerman

    worst article ever.

  • joefresco

    Generally duties inside the house occur at a greater frequency than outside the house. That is relevant to the conversation.

  • Christian Malone

    Rule #1 DONT MARRY, EVER !
    Rule #2 Warn avery man in your life about marriage and women
    Rule #3 Never break rule 1 or 2 or 3.

    Amen

  • Megan

    I don’t use those and my husband doesn’t look at porn. Fair is fair.

  • Megan

    All porn turns into an addiction. Don’t believe me? Then try not watching it for a week. Bet you can’t do it. Most people that watch porn can’t.

  • Megan

    If the idea of not watching porn or checking out other people offends you (this goes for BOTH genders) then you’re already a porn addict and you need help.

  • Keevon M Ueller

    It’s amazing how many so called “family values” Christian men are guilty of acting single away from home! Eventually their acts often lead to adultry which is a violation of the 10 Commandments these hypocrites demand be posted everywhere and they demand everyone follow!