How to be an AMAZING Wife.

This is a followup to one of our most popular posts: How to be a Great Husband.

I believe every married woman wants to be the best wife she can be, but it’s hard to have a clear picture of what that really means or looks like.

The media seems to bombard women with conflicting messages about what the “ideal woman” is all about. One moment you’re being told to starve yourself and spend all your time in the gym and salon so you can always look like an airbrushed model on the cover of a magazine. The next moment your role model is a CEO mom who is making millions and still “having it all” by being a wife and mommy too. You flip the channel again and you’re told that an ideal wife makes her own clothes and home schools her 20 kids.

So which one is the “right” picture of womanhood?

I believe that God made every woman masterfully and beautifully unique, so you never need to get caught up in the comparison trap by thinking your life needs to be measured against anyone else’s. I hope that helps you breathe a sigh of relief!

As you live out your beautiful uniqueness in your marriage, here are a few truths that can equip you to take your marriage and family to a new level of health and happiness. While every wife is unique, I believe these truths below apply to everyone, and if you’ll apply these principles within the context of your own personality, I believe you’ll become an even greater wife.

Dave and Ashley

My wife Ashley is the most amazing person I know! She’s the pretty (and brilliant) one in the relationship. Please take some time to watch our video teaching series on  The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage. We had been selling this video series for $20, but as a way to help more couples, we’re now giving it away for FREE. We hope you are encouraged by it!

3 simple ways to be a better wife:

1. Give respect to your husband.

We husbands don’t like to admit it, but we are absolutely desperate for your respect! When we believe that you believe in us, we feel like we can conquer the world, but when we believe you don’t believe in us, we can barely get through the day. Even in those moments when your husband doesn’t “deserve” your respect, give it anyways, and your actions will actually help shape him into the courageous man of character God intended for him to be.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

2. Create a positive tone in the home.

More than any other person in the house, the wife has the power to set the tone in the home, so set a good one! Foster an atmosphere where encouragement, laughter, discipline, hard work, fun, love and grace all flow together in harmony.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.” Proverbs 31:25-27

3. Fall in love…with God!

The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love your husband, your kids and yourself. Make your relationship with Him the foundation of your life and everything else will fall into place.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” Proverbs 31:30-31

For more tips and tools to become a better spouse, please check out our new book:  “Marriage Minute: Quick and Simple ways to build a Divorce-Proof Relationship”


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About Dave Willis
  • Lupe Rodriquez

    How do I  “Foster an atmosphere where encouragement, laughter, discipline, hard work, fun, love and grace all flow together in harmony.” when my husband is extremely sensitive and is not happy if I am not by his side 24/7? It can be stressful when your title of a wife means that you are no longer a woman, a friend, a mom, etc.. For others in your life because he believes and wants us to do everything together 24/7.

  • Shellian

    I just love this, very helpfull. Hope to follow you guys. Much Love.

  • A Kings wife

    Lupe.. The order my husband and I try our best to live by is God first my husband second our kids third then everyone else.. And even tho I can understand what you are going through may be hard.. You can use it to your benefit. Become a team.. Where you are parents together, find couples whom you can both enjoy and be friends with. Honor your husband now… And things will improve. It did for me. Looking at the bright side what a blessing your husband wants to spend time with you. I have been around so many men that will choose to work overtime just so they don’t have to go home to their wives. I hope this helps in some way.

  • Heather

    Love this! Fathers day last uear, our pastor had a guest female speaker and God had given her a message very similar with what you have said. The woman has the power to persuade her home in whatever direction she chooses, especially in how her children see their father! We want our men to be the men God designed them to be, but a lot of times how we respond (which is what we are…responders) to them is just the opposite. Then what happened is we help create men that are totally opposite of what we want. It’s not all our fault (don’t misunderstand) but we have a lot of power to push them whichever way we choose.

  • Marie

    How can you be a better wife if you married a narcissist ?

  • JA

    With an attitude like that Marie, I see you are really putting effort into #2 and #1. Forget #1, you lost the race at #2, if you are calling him an egotist, that what is your malfunction, or are you perfect? Remember it takes two hands to clap, part of setting the tone would be to drop the judgmental attitude. I’ve realized this in my marriage, I have to work on some things and so does my wife. She won’t admit she needs things to improve and that is part of why we haven’t moved forward. Start speaking life into your relationship, forego words like narcissism and whatever else you may think of and try thoughtful or anything positive. It just might work…

  • Nunia bizness


    That’s it?!

    Hello divorce!

    There’s a little more to it if you want to last.

    I will applaud the #2 that the wife holds ALL THE POWER in the home. I keep telling my wife that yet she doesn’t understand.

    The ideal marriage are those that give 100% not 50/50.

    No, you set aside your will for your spouse (for the most part).

    Jesus laid down his life for his bride.

    When one or both do not set aside their will then there are problems.

  • Shelly hickman

    Please tell me how to do this when I have been so broken with the lustfulness of other women I am broken in my spirit and I cannot change it in my mind I say I am going to try but then I see the list in his eyes and it takes me right back to where I was before I made a decision to do better I just can’t how do u heal with it still happening daily I just want to stay in my room with the door closed away from him looking upon other females with a heart of lust. I need to know how to move passed his imperfection before I can begin to be this woman you speak of

  • dave willis

    Shelly, your heart has been broken and you need time to heal. I”m praying for you and for your marriage. Don’t lose hope.

  • April

    I have a hard time understanding what respect is. What do husbands want from their wives as far as respect goes?

  • Marie

    I would just like to comment on how sometimes when a spouse is “narcissistic” it usually means they are abusive… Not physically but psychologically, emotionally, and verbally. I don’t think Marie should be judged right away for being so “judgemental”. Maybe she has tried everything she could think of to help her husband and her marriage. It has to be hard to live with a truly narcissistic person. I feel that my spouse is one of those non-physically abusive spouses and it does take a toll on a person: physically, emotionally, and mentally. So I feel that her question is a legitimate one and instead if chastising her for being judgemental and judging her in return we should help her or give her advice on where to get the answer to her question.

  • dave willis

    Most men see “respect” as a knowledge that their wives trust their judgment, appreciate their work, value their wisdom.