How to change your marriage in one week

Below are the details of our famous “7-Day Marriage Challenge.” This simple one-week exercise has helped countless couples recharge their marriages and it could help YOU too!

I’m convinced that if you will consistently do these things every day for a week, you’ll have a completely new direction in your marriage by the week’s end…

THE 7-DAY CHALLENGE: 7 days and 7 daily commitments.

For additional tools, check out our FREE, 4-part video series on The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage.

1. Make love every day.

You husbands are already onboard! If this is the only thing you do, your marriage will still be stronger in a week. It takes more than sex to make a healthy marriage, but it’s impossible to have a healthy marriage without it. Even if you and your spouse aren’t in a good place right now and the idea of intimacy seems repulsive, do it anyways. Sex is a powerful force that will help you reconnect on a physical, emotional and spiritual level.

Check out our brand new video series “Best Sex Life.”

bestsexlifenow1

2. Write a love note to your spouse each day.

Each day, write out a love note. Don’t just tell your husband/wife you love them, but also tell them specific things you love and appreciate about them. They don’t have to be long, but make them meaningful. These seven love letters will most likely become treasures he/she will hold onto for years to come.

Dave Willis never stop flirting with spouse quote

3. Say nothing negative.

For one solid week, you’re not allowed to say anything negative or demanding. If you don’t have something positive to say, don’t say it. Get out of the habit of negativity and nagging. When you slip up on this one, your spouse is allowed to call you out and you’ve got to immediately apologize and follow up with saying three kind things about your spouse. This might sound childish, but you’ll be amazed at how it can change the tone of your words and your relationship. If you blow it on this one, you have to say three positive things for the one negative thing you said.

For more on this, watch my short (funny and very true) video on How to “win” an argument with your spouse.

4. Spend one hour in conversation while all electronics are turned off.

We live in a world where it’s possible to be in the same room but in different worlds. You can’t have a meaningful conversation with your spouse while you’re texting with someone, watching TV, and working on your laptop. For at least one hour each night, after the kids are asleep, turn off the TV and all electronics and have conversation. Maybe you’ve forgotten how to do it, but you’ll pick it back up quickly. Talk about your day, your hopes, your dreams and anything else that comes to your mind. That seven hours of uninterrupted conversation over the course of the week will be fuel for your marriage!

Dave Willis quote time is the currency of relationships

5. Pray together every night.

This one might freak you out a little bit, but I’m convinced that prayer is one of the most intimate and important acts a couple can do together. Even if you’ve never done it before, pray together daily (out loud). Thank God for all the good in your life, ask Him to forgive you of the mistakes you’ve made and be specific about the mistakes and tell him about your hopes and your fears. Pour out your heart to your Creator in front of your spouse and you’ll connect with each other, and with God, on a new level.

Dave Willis sleep in peace God is bigger quote

6. Post one thing you love about your spouse on social media each day.

Don’t just tell your spouse how you feel about him/her, but also share some of those compliments with the world. Each day, post one thing you love about him/her with a picture of them or a picture of the two of you together. Your spouse will love it. If you want all of us to see it, use the hashtag: #7DayMarriageChallenge

Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already. Dave Willis quote

7. Each day, create one new shared goal for the future.

Couples who keep dreaming together keep growing together. Dream about places you want to travel, accomplishments you want to achieve and new adventures you want to create together. Each day, commit to at least one of those goals as a commitment you’re making to each other and start looking forward to the adventure ahead!

For daily encouragement to keep you going strong, check out my new Facebook page by clicking here.

For more ways to invest into your marriage, please check out our new book: “Marriage Minute: Quick & Simple ways to build a Divorce-Proof Relationship” which is now also available on iTunes for Download on iPhones, iPads and all Apple devices.

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Please share this 7-Day Challenge on social media using the links below, so we can keep encouraging more couples!

Five things healthy couples do EVERY day
5 surprising teachings about SEX in the Bible
This high cost of a double-life in marriage
Ten Bible verses that changed my marriage
About Dave Willis
  • Karen

    Going to give this a try! Can’t hurt….

  • Sherry

    Does talking while having sex with the TV off count? Seriously, I think we’ll take this challenge. Love my hubs, but we’ve had our DOWNS this past year so its worth it if it will make for a better/stronger marriage.

  • Kara

    I suggest these things to my husband ALL of the time and he just brushes everything to the side or argues on why he CAN’T do it. Starting to lose faith after 3 years…

  • vincentia

    im in dave, i wil try n et back to u

  • Michelle Williams

    I’m in! Can’t wait to start!

  • Jessica

    I’m in

  • Jill

    I am not sure I agree with your 1st step. In
    Order for sex to be a helpful tool in your marriage it has to meet the needs of BOTH people. The need of the man physical, the needs of the woman emotional. I have been married 26 years this year and have recently learned what sex in a marriage truly is. For 24 years it was my duty as a wife and there was NO emotional connection except regret. When the needs of both partners are meet is when it becomes a successful tool.

  • Cuffee

    I’m in! Starts today!!

  • Marcie

    What if one is always willing but the other isn’t? How do you do that? In sex, in prayer, in everything? “/

  • Erin

    Definitely going to star this today! We need a ‘pick-me-up’ badly!

  • Lori Jo Eleazer

    Ok Dave…………I am in! My wonderful husband and I are about to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We already have a very close relationship, but we both want more! Thanks for the challenge!

  • susan

    what if your husband drives truck and isn’t home much during the week? (usually only one supper/night home during the week)

  • Charles

    This actually sounds fun to do. My wife and i have a pretty good marriage now but what’s wrong with more communication. Were going to work on this. Thank you.

  • Shawn Nicholson

    My wife and I have read over this and are going to accept this challenge. Our marriage is good, we have been married 20 years, but we figure why not try to make it better! I will update you as the week goes by. This should be an interesting experiment for sure!

  • SyeJ

    I really want to try this with my husband.God has blessed us with a beautiful marriage and friendship, but I know even great marriages could afford to be taken to the next level:-) Thanks for the challenge! God bless every couple who takes the challenge! We need more great, solid marriages/relationships in our world.

  • Christina R

    Great idea! We do most of this everyday but we need to start turning the electronics off..

  • Jessica

    I am going to do my best and try this! We will see if it helps!!!

  • Elizabeth

    I am not sure I would go with sex everyday because for some that really is not possible. Circumstances are different for everyone. I say to make sure you are giving kisses, hugs, holding their hand just because. Putting your arm around them and pulling them close this does not have to be sex. Men have a hard time with this cause they believe that is what is going to happen. “Oh Sex” that is why many women avoid it cause they want sex but no a wam bam okay I am done. So what kind of sex are we talking about? Ours changed in the beginning we had a very sexual marriage probably too much we loved it though. That is one thing we do not have much of. The reason for the change is cause of chronic illness most do not plan on this. So we have had to adjust to ways that we can be intimate. Our time is important to us. We do have a good marriage and are apart of our marriage ministry in our church. We are going to be doing a serious of sickness in health. The other side of marriage couples don’t plan on. So yes have some kind of sexual contact everyday. You can hold each other longer, have long kisses. Do devotional each day and discuss it. Yes prayer is very important to pray together and to pray over your spouse. While in the car or the moment you feel there is something that needs to prayed about pray then do not question it. Thanks for the challenge also go to conferences retreats at least once a year if you can do tow that would be even better. Whether are marriage is in trouble or not. It needs refreshing. Have a blessed day

  • Teresa V

    Challenge Accepted!!! Agree! Love! Agree!!

  • Elva Salazar

    We are starting the challenge today, praise God! Thank you so much.

  • Franklin

    great

  • Heather

    Tomorrow will be day one! Thanks for this article and I will keep u posted.

  • Maria Landry

    I love what you are doing! Strengthening one of the Blessed Sacraments and gifts given to us by God, Marriage! Thank you for your wisdom, encouragement and advice. Keep up the great work!

  • gessica

    I’m gonna try this! Were going to try this!

  • Candy De Guzman

    I will definitely try this one for this week :) I love reading your articles most esp in your facebook page. It’s helping so much. Thank God for giving the two of you as instruments for soon to be married and married couples.

  • Diane

    Been there, done all of this. My husband doesn’t have time to have a friendship with anyone except the TV. I gently encouraged him to take time away from me & the kids and find a male friend that would challenge him and hold him accountable…..nothing!
    I now work weekends, so I miss church, he goes, but I don’t have a clue about what he has learned from it. His bonding with our children is around the TV.
    We’ve been to the doctor to have tests done, he is physically fine to have sex, but the only way he can reach orgasm is if I do it by hand. There is no adventure, it is always the same, and I am the one who iniciates(sp).
    We have been through marital counseling before, things were good for about 2 years, and have gone back to how they once were.
    I’ve spent 20+ years in my marriage, but I don’t think I have it in me to do this another 20+.
    His idea of fun is dinner/movie, or sitting at home watching TV.
    My idea, hanging with friends, socially; dancing, hiking, camping. We are total opposites. When the kids were little I had them to occupy my time, now that they are leaving home, we find ourselves on different pages.

  • Michelle williams

    My husband and I have been doing this for a couple of days now and we seem closer. However, I’ve been having female problems that I’m gonna have to have surgery to correct, so, we haven’t been able to make love every night. But we decided to continue the challenge after I have my surgery. We also decided to extend communication while we make love because I tend to not communicate to Tonny what pleases me. And we agreed to also incorporate into the no negative talk about the other in public to also in private and we can’t say anything negative about ourselves. I have really low self esteem and that is causing problems in our relationship. If either of us say anything negative about ourselves, then when get called on it, like with negative talk about the other, we have to say three positive things about ourselves.

  • Anita

    I would love to have sex everyday, but we are both truck drivers for other companies, and at this point my husband is not sure if he loves me and we have not had sex or anything in over 5 months, I love him and want to save our marraige, but makes it hard when he wont hardly toch me or even have a date nite with me, as he states he needs his space, so frustered

  • Janet Istre

    I’m in trying for 7 days ( for a start!)

  • lady precious

    Yes!!we will start now!!!

  • Hannah

    Wish I would have had this to read 2months ago before he left. If he comes home we will be doing this.

  • Karlie

    I would LOVE to try this however, my husband has never really been the type to pray WITH me or out loud for that matter. We have been married almost 3 years and our first year was HORRIBLE! We got to the point where it was better and now, well, I’m not sure…

  • Mars

    Every marriage is unique and the guidelines are applicable for most marriages. Every step to change begins with willingness to change. Its important to invest time in knowing your partner, what he/she likes and dislikes and his/her strengths and weaknesses. There is a saying “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”. l can be ignorantly doing what my partner hates in a bid to please him/her. Changing a marriage starts by recognition for a need to change and taking of relevant steps towards the fulfilling the need to change.

  • Yesi

    My church challenged us last year to do that. Specially the prayer part was so awesome, we used to do it before going to sleep n those nights that he was working we did pray for each other over the phone and let me tell you! it was a life changing experience. Our marriage is in a better place, first thanks to Jesus and second the desire from both of us to save the relationship. Give it a try.

  • Lin

    All of this makes sense. It’s devised to stay intimate with on another. Wished I had seen this 15 years ago. When kids come in the marriage, the intimacy is challenging. Stay strong, couples. Thanks Dave!

  • james

    What if i do not live with my wife due to our call of duties that makes it only possible to be with each other for 3days and nights in a month?? I work far away from where my wife stays, please advise

  • A

    I can do all of this except number one. I agree with a previous poster that it needs to benefit both parties. I have a hard time being intimate with someone who purposefully causes hurt and is ridiculously selfish most of the time.

  • Nicole

    you had me at sex everyday.

  • http://facebook Dena McCord

    Think this is a great idea if my husband would be willing to have sex everyday. But I would be willing and the other steps are great too. Anything to salvage our marriage is a great idea to me.

  • cindy valle

    I am in!! I will try, starting today!

  • http://facebook blessed 316

    I have been praying for intimacy and connection with my husband for a while now. Yet nothing has happened but resentment over the past year and we have been married for 16 months and just had a baby about 3 months ago. I have been watching Joyce Meyer and in this last week in particular all have been about intimacy but intimacy with God and tapping more into his word. Now I get another tool, this just another sign and wonder from God that marriage is not something to give up or feel lonely in. God has blessed me with a husband even if we have to “learn” how to be married. Thank you, thank you!

  • Mindy

    Step #1 is a great concept. But in our case very difficult. My husband is 54, has high blood pressure and sever erectile dysfunction. Viagra and those products can’t be used due to the high blood pressure. He is married to a woman that would love to have sex daily or every other day. So the sex situation creates stress in our marriage. He knows I am not happy with that part of our lives. He is so frustrated that he can’t be what I want. I read him this challenge and it makes him angry and frustrated. He says there are many men his age and older that have this problem. Even some younger. Many situations in this world where it simply isn’t possible for the daily sex. I do think that cuddling, physical contact ….options such as that should be included in your step #1. at least leaves options for those that simply can’t have sex daily and doesn’t leave them feeling even more frustrated and inept.

  • al

    it would be great if you included a way to share individual helpful hint pages like this one with a friend… you have no SHARE to a friends email

  • RJ Oleary

    What if one spouse had an affair for several years and lied about it? It’s over now… We are together and in love, but, what now? The intimacy factor is damaged forever. The forgiveness is there, the trust is missing.

  • Sherry

    Again, this sounds good if it was possible. My husband has diabetes and the medicine that he is one has left him pretty much impotent. I get very little hugs, a kiss good bye in the morning when he leaves for work, another when he goes to bed. So much for romance. Now what?

  • Bridgette Douglas

    Trust God, your husband will be home and better than before. God said he will give you the desires of your heart. Ask God for a new husband, in the one you have or a new one all together. Let his will be done. Tell God your secret desires and no one else. You will be amazed, don’t give up. God did it for me, and will do it for you.

  • crystal

    Let me first say that I want to try this but my husband just told me that I’m emotionally lazy. He doesn’t feel needed or wanted around here and that he’s to the point he may have to go else where to get it. Now, you know that broke my heart. He tells me I don’t have a sense of humor, he has to always entice me to have sex, and I don’t show him enough affection. He says I tricked him to believe I was one way before we got married. Then, tells me that I’m not use to someone like him and that he’s not my type. I’m so lost. What am I doing wrong?

  • crystal

    Diane I’m going into year two of my marriage and my husband is the one who starts the process as you do and he hates it but I’m not sexual nor do I know how to be sexy that turns him on. He actual makes me feel unsexy, to be honest, when he makes certain comments.

  • http://cupidotips.blogbox.be/ Faye S. Walter

    Something that is hard to figure out is the right moment to call it quits. There are certain situations that are a lot easier to figure out than others. While if you’re mate has cheated on you and you’ve discovered that you will want to in most cases end that relationship. Some people will still try and make their marriage work even after one or both spouses have cheated.

  • sephra

    I would love to do the challenge but my husband and I don’t have sex. I am not able to stand it for there is issues there and he isn’t really able to half the time.so there really hasn’t been much of a point, but able to do the rest of the challenge.

  • cheryl smart

    What if he just doesn’t want to, I tried inviting him to go church with me but he won’t. But I do continue to pray for him and will continue until he see’s what he is missing

  • elle

    Step #1 made me vomit in my mouth a little bit. Have sex even if the idea repulses you…forcing that intimate part of yourself will totally want you to keep going at it. Every time I force myself to let my partner enter me, even though I’m just laying there waiting for it to be done, really makes us feel close. In fact I just like to play the xbox while it happens because at least the trauma won’t be so obvious.

    Sexual intimacy is the most sacred part of yourself that you can give to another. If your partner goes to town on you and knows you don’t want it, then there will be more problems. Emotional scaring, and trauma can occur from doing this and let’s be honest…ain’t nobody got time for that. How can you teach young girls and boys to save themselves for marriage because of the sacredness of intimacy and yet disregard it so much after marriage?

    Instead of sex everyday, how about just some physical contact? A look? a kiss on the forehead? sex is NOT the end all and be all for physical contact. Something special out of the norm.

    I’m going to finish by saying that more than one woman reading this has been a victim of rape or molestation. Making them feel forced to have sex is sickening. If their husbands can’t handle that part of them, then they need to man up or get out. Additionally, telling sexual trauma victims that they must force themselves to have sex just creates more feelings of rape and sexual trauma.

    I hope nobody forces themselves to have sex when they don’t want to because of this article.

  • christopher

    Kara, that’s the biggest part of any type of routine like this. In saving a marriage/relationship/friendship, etc, BOTH sides absolutely MUST be willing to do their part. If one side is not fully committed, these steps will be for nothing. Unfortunately, as a family counselor, one big rule is, in order to make any progress, or save anything worth saving, two people must be fully committed to the process. I wish you lots of luck and love, and will pray for you.

  • Cristie

    Kara,

    I know how you feel. I have been married 25 years and struggled every step of the way. My husband never has time for any of this. He has always put “us” on the back burner. I asked if we could pray together, mind you, my husband is one of the worship leaders at our church…he will not pray with me. We went to counseling last summer and even the counselor told me that, “Y’all don’t have that kind of marriage and are a long way from it.” Really?! We are both born-again Christians and we can’t pray together?! When only one of you tries how do you make it work? When is it time to just accept that it’s not a marriage and walk away? Love and prayers for you.

  • Kathy

    Dear Diane,

    My husband & I have been going thru something similar. I found out the hard way why. It had to do with online porn, a whore & Western Union. PLEASE feel free to contact me by email. I pray this isn’t what’s happening in your marriage.

  • http://Facebook Nancy Leyva

    I’m Definitely In!!

  • Whiffy

    I couldn’t agree more and I want to add to this. I understand it is a “physical” thing for a man, but from the mouth of my husband, “If you are not emotionally connected to me, I cannot enjoy the physical.” So I think the communication, prayer, and understanding each other has to come first, or the sex will only be one sided or a Chore for both, and not a true connection. We have 6 years together, 5 years of marriage and are going STRONG!

  • megan

    What if your husband wont pray with you. My husband for example doesnt really believe that prayer will fix a marriage i do. He also doesnt believe that evrything in the bible is the truth but i do. I pray for god to open his eyes to his wonders. Have been praying for our marriage for quite a while now i trust god to answer my prayers but find myself exhausted and feeling like i am the only one trying. I love my husband and will not give up on our marriage . But i have been so hurt and heart broken over the past year that i am just exhausted. Thank you for the marriage page Dave it really does help and give hope.

  • PR (author and poet)

    To have a better marriage both must focus on their relationship individially with God. By constantly courting God and growing closer in our relationship with him, we both become likeminded and our hearts become 1 with God. Thus, our relationship with each other will stand the test of time. My wife and I have survived the tests of time, children, loss, gain and discontent. 30 years together has taught us that only God is the glue that holds us together! A little toleration from us both helps! Author and Poet, “Pernell Rodocker” (Heartfelt Friends)

  • meg

    my husband won’t have sex with me. Our marriage is going through a really difficult time right now, but he never wants me anymore.

  • Carmen Camacho

    I’m not sure how this would work for me.. My husband works nights and we really don’t spend much time together due to work schedules. The sex part probably we can do, but the praying part I don’t know. He has stop going to church refuses to listen to any one and just tells me he us no good. I have tried to say positive things to him but he replys with sarcasm. Which I’m guilty of that also. He has gotten deeper into porn, drinking and staying out late at nights. I, to be honest feel there is some one else but he says no. He commited adultery twice, and i have forgiven him. I can’t help it that at times I feel responsible because I pushed him to it. He.tells me he loves me to much to hurt me and doesn’t want to continue hurting me but he doesn’t want to let go of his family. We have 3 beautiful children 16, 13 and 6. Not sure what will happen but trusting God. That his will take place.

  • tl born

    Ridiculous. If it’s that difficult get a divorce. How many years of your life are you willing to waste because you’re too afraid and weak to be single?

  • Melissa

    You’ve already failed the challenge. You couldn’t even type one simple paragraph without negatively bashing your spouse. Perhaps you should look at yourself, before pointing out all of their flaws?!?

  • Melissa

    That’s quite an injustice to your husband. Especially if you did have sex before you married him. If you always were up front and honest about never ever having sex, that’s one thing. But if you entered into a relationship that you had either led the other partner to believe sex would come after marriage or you were already having sex before marriage and then cut it off, afterwards, then you’re so wrong in so many ways. Refusing your spouse sex is, in my eyes, telling them you’d rather them go get it elsewhere. Not a single man that I know of is willing to go his entire adult life, sexless. And while sex may not be the be all end all, it is absolutely vital for a truly healthy marriage.

    1 Corinthians 7:3-5 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

  • M.B.

    Mindy, I would highly recommend you and your husband find a good surgical urologist. I can tell you that there is help out there for your husband. Drugs like Viagra only help around 1 and 3 men. Believe it or not, there are many other things your husband can try, including injections, vacuum therapy, and surgical implantation of a penile prosthesis. I know that might sound crazy or weird, but it is true, and many many men and their partners have experienced the joy of intercourse again this way. There is lots of clinical data and studies out there behind this. One way to find out more is here: http://americanmedicalsystems.com/conditions_treatments_detail_objectname_mens_ed.html

    Read up on the various treatments and then you can find a physician here: http://www.amsphysicianlocator.com/

    Good luck and God bless!

  • Jason

    Im tagging my wife in this when i share it. Im willing to try it. Thanks for sharing this.

  • April

    Defiantly feel the same way, I feel like 2013 was the worst year for us as well.

  • Olga

    We are on day five. Our intimacy has been great. we have attempted to follow all the steps stated for the challenge. I am the wife and I am feeling like a love sick puppy dog. I do not get the same vibe from my husband. Perhaps it’s confusion, but I thought he would be chasing me in a since while doing this exercise. That’s not the case.

  • stephanie Griffin

    I am willing to accept a 7 day challenge but after 7 days what do i do if nothing has changed outside of praying and trusting God

  • Susan

    I disagree with Christopher. The ONLY person you can change in a relationship is the one who looks back at you n the mirror. ANY attempt to try to change the other is pure nagging and will likely be met with defensively and with resistance. Each person in a relationship is at different stages. We have had our ups and downs after 25 years together, and five years go it hit a the lowest of lows. Three years ago I made the choice to change me, and implement stuff like what is in this article. It took a long time for my husband to respond positively, but I knew that when he did it was from a place in his heart that was pure, and not because he felt he had to. At this point, we both agree that our relationship is better than it has ever been. Does he do ALL he things I think he should to make me “happy?” No. But that’s not his job. I need to be happy regardless.

  • http://Yahoo Agnes Nandwere

    am happy for this and hope it going to help especially with today’s breaking marriages.

    Thanks.

  • benjay

    I’m definately gona give this a try.looking 4ward 2 the praying 2gether part

  • Dame

    The damage is not forever if you chose it not to be.

    I too have been cheated on and when you forgive you can either stay or leave but if you stay you need to work with your partner and re build the trust :) It is about choice and if you want it to work. It can be re built in all areas and God is a great healer of both hearts. The one broken from the hurtful acts and the broken one doing the hurting.

    Hope things are working out.

  • Teresa

    I want to try this! The problem is sex and it ain’t my problem it’s all his! I feel less than every time I read an article that says “men are up for this” and it’s just not true. My H. Doesn’t seem interested at all. A couple years ago after being rejected I left it to him how often we had sex and some months it’s once a week, but there have been times it’s once a month. Everything else is awesome. Please address this problem. I know you can’t imagine a man that doesn’t want sex often, but it hurts women like myself every time. I would love to have the problem of “fighting him off”

  • migfredys valladares

    I’ve always wanted to do this challenge but my husband is not a Christian, doesn’t even go to church. Everyone at church thinks I am a single mom. He’s a good guy but we’ve had the worst year ever to the point that my 15yr old son left my house because of his ocd behavior. I still love him but have lost all the respect for him since my son left to his father’s house. I have been married for almost 14yrs, and wouldn’t want a divorce but I’m just very disappointed in everything.

  • sylvia

    Really needed to know this my marriage is not working out we have no communication. We have been married 30 years

  • Cheyenne

    ok I get what your trying to say on #1 but im sorry, you have it all wrong. a marriage is not about sex. love is not about sex. if someone was paralyzed from the waste down and could never have sex again, they should still be able to have a healthy marriage with someone who accepts them for THEM. not their ability to have sex. sorry but that point I can already tell is going to upset a lot of people who just cannot have sex.. but I do agree that you should absolutely try. no doubt. but it’s not a make it or break it. there are lots of other ways to be intimate.

  • B

    These ideas really do help your marriage. I know #1 seems difficult to some of you because you don’t feel as emotionally connected to your husband as you’d like. I went to a marriage conference where they discussed that for men they feel more emotionally bonded after sex (because of the hormones released) whereas women want the bond first. That really helped me to reconsider when the moment would arise. Also, The Power Of a Praying Wife helped me a lot with this topic.

  • P

    I must say I totally agree with you regarding number. Even if you do have sex every day for seven days, the husband will more than likely expect it to continue. And when the wife’s emotional needs are not being met, sex every day or rather any day does not only become a chore but also brings resentment. Sex becomes repulsive. Intimacy as the number 1 I can agree with. But not having sex. Contrary to what most men believe, romance and/or intimacy does not have to be or end up as a sexual act. Women’s greatest need is emotional not sexual. And yes I am a Christian and stand firm on this.

  • Kaylynn Nelson-Landmark

    What do you do if your husband is the one not wanting to have sex but MAYBE once a week?

  • cathy clutter

    im willing to give this a try, problem is my husband wks away,gone for months at a time. makes it really hard for the intimacy in our marriage, but im willing to give anything a try to improve that part of our marriage, I pray daily…..so I will give this a try…….

  • victoria

    As embarrassing and humiliating as this is too admit over the last several years i have become awful to my husband….hate is the most amazing and selfless man i have ever known and he gives everything he has too make me happy and make our life better. But truly honestly i am undeserving, I. Nag and fought and talk ugly and i hate my self for it.i am definitely going to try this maybe even double this up to 2weeks or even triple it. Thank you God for creating the person who thought this up.

  • unknown

    When I started reading this I was excited, thinking maybe I could convince my husband to do this challenge with me, but then I read step 1 and started feeling depressed all over again! My husband won’t even touch me, nor hold me at night! How do I begin at step 1? We are newlyweds of 2 yrs.

  • Denise

    Elizabeth thank you for bringing up a different perspective to some of the steps in this challenge. I to have been chronically ill for awhile and having a healthy sex life has not been my #1 priority. I however have been blessed with a husband of 29yrs who has loved me unconditionally. Granted I’m sure he would enjoy step one but he is fully aware for me it is simply impossible. I thank God every day for him & I try daily to be present in our relationship.

  • Christa

    I have been having a hard time with this lately…. I was taken advantage of when younger (date-rape and statutory rape). I really started to realize how unhealthy our sex life was once I started regularly attending church. I have asked my husband multiple times not to have sex with me after he drinks (first off because of the memories it brings back and secondly because I have a very difficult time saying no or even stop – it has never done any good for me anyway, and not to mention, I’m normally asleep when he starts pulling my clothes off). I asked him again the other night and so what’d he do the next day? He stopped at the bar before coming home to eat dinner because “I don’t want to do anything with him anyway.”

    This 7-day challenge won’t work for us anyway – i’m the only one who wants to work on creating a decent marriage and home for our children. IMHO, Melissa was quick to judge with her comment. I don’t normally comment on articles, but felt compelled to after such a judgemental reply. I wonder if she’s been in a bad position with a man before? A husband she can’t trust?

  • Kristy

    Kara,

    I know your comment was a while ago but I just wanted to encourage you not to give up. In I Peter it talks about the huge, positive effect a woman can have on her husband through simple, day to day life. If you can commit yourself to your husband (while expecting nothing in return) you will be amazed by what develops. Not only can you be a blessing to him, but if you are expecting nothing, everything he gives is a blessing seen in a new way. And knowing that you are truly serving someone you love, is incredibly rewarding. I know the wait is difficult. My husband took six years. But, now he is a fully active member of our church and a wonderfully devoted husband and father.

    Kristy

  • Ash

    Then the sex is the only thing you can’t do. You can talk on the phone and pray on the phone and not say anything negative, find a different way to connect intimately than sex. Make the time you have together count and make the night you do have a priority.

  • Christy Spencer

    I would love to try this because I know my marriage needs something but don’t see how we could do this because my husband leaves for at 3 am and I don’t get off till 12midnigh. And I’m only off every other weekend.

  • Cortney

    My husband a I take on this challenge every few months to strengthen our already strong relationship. It works like a charm, and we couldn’t be happier! Thank you for this idea/challenge its a great way to get that communication and spark back into our lives :)

  • Marc

    I’m n but what if your other has no intrest in sex or any type of affection what so ever, what do you do?

  • Msdenise

    I take offense to saying “your husbands are already onboard” for #1. It’s not always the wife who’s not putting out.

  • diane diresto

    My husband and I started this last week. Our relationship is right on track. I feel amazing. I feel like I have a secret. Just do it!

  • sspeerstra@alaska.edu

    Kara, stop suggesting things and just start doing them. Make love to your husband every night and stay super positive no matter how hard it is. Men are not always the receptive to change and women are always more emotional. Keep the faith.

  • Shelly

    What am I supposed to do when my husband doesn’t believe in God? I love him, but we are arguing all the time. He has even told me over and over to divorce him then. He wants sex all the time and we get into big arguments when he doesn’t get it – he literally stomps around the next day like a little kid all grouchy. I’m sorry but I just don’t want to have sex when he crudely refers to everything in a sexual manner or just tells me , “So are we gonna have sex or not? If not I’m going to bed because I have to wake up early.” Or better yet, we have barely been speaking all day and then he turns to me to say, “Yes, I wanna nibble the nipples.” I’m sorry, that doesn’t do it for me. Then when we’re done arguing he tells me very calmly that he didn’t sign up for a sexless marriage so if it is going to be like this all the time we need to just get a divorce. I supported him and ended my career for him, to follow him to his job and now that I’m unemployed he tells me to leave? Money and sex are the most important things to him it seems, and his family is always on the back burner. At times he is so mean and hateful that I wonder how I can go on with him. In the movie, God’s Not Dead she told him they were unevenly yolked and left him. My husband and I are very unevenly yolked, but I wonder, am I supposed to endure it in order for him to maybe someday be saved? The good days are really good, but the bad days and SUPER bad – we both agree on this. It’s just that the bad days WAY outweigh the good… I’m confused.

  • lea manley

    My husband is home every night (unlike my first husband) & I just feel completely disconnected. …we talk, but its about the kids or work, etc…..we dont have sex unless I harass him…..I feel like the more he is “stagnant” in his efforts the more I withdraw. ….I am a woman, therefore have certain needs. In the past I would have cheated or just simple end it. I love my husband but weve only been together for 3 years and its more like we’re just cohabiting and going through the motions more & more as time passes….ive ALWAYS had a heart for God and he doesnt…..im afraid its too late.

    sincerely concerned wife,

    lea

  • Jennifer

    I would love to try this but I think my marriage is to far gone. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and about 3 years ago he decided I wasn’t enough for him. He went out and got himself another girlfriend. Since then they have had a child together. I have held on for one reason. Faith!!!! I love my husband God put him in my life for a reason, but now I am having doubts as to whether its worth fighting for anymore.

  • jaxie

    “Your husbands are already in” ???? Not every husband wants to have sex daily

    ……. sometimes a man has issues such as impotency or chronic illness. This article really minimizes impact on this issue for wives. I know many men also have issues like this with their wives and daily sex isnt even on the table as an option. Sometimes having a strong healthy marriage just cannot include sex and those of us who love our spouce regard less and want a good marriage shouldn’t be made to feel badly…..

  • jaxie

    I am totally ther with you and I want you to know you are not alone. My husband is wonderful and caring. He was diagnosed with low testosterone but refuses to get treatment. We have sex once every 6 months when I can’t take it anymore. Its very upsetting to me that he doesn’t make an attempt to try to get help. But I love him for better or for worse. Never expected this though!

  • Scott

    I pray this works for my wife and I. She sent this to me Saturday morning and I read it Monday night. Why? Because I thought I was too busy. Epic fight!!! There needs to be changes, I need to change. I hope and pray this challenge works. I also hope my wife is willing to forgive me and give us another shot. This may be the answer I’ve been praying for.

  • Julie

    I don’t want to have set with my husband….ever….period. He cheated. I’m here. For my kids. Trying. Not attracted to him, but here.

  • CLC

    My husband and I do not have sex anymore–his choice, not mine. We’ve been going to therapy for it and have made very little progress. We also don’t pray together. In fact, he isn’t a Christian. I feel like I can follow steps 3 and 4, but the first 2 would be impossible for us.

  • Camille

    What if your husband is the one that doesn’t feel up to sex. Before we were married he was all for it all the time. After the wedding things slowly changed. He still kisses me every morning before he leaves for work and kisses me when he comes home from work every night. We talk and laugh and enjoy each other’s company, we just don’t have sex more than once or twice a month. When we do it is wonderful and we both enjoy it very much. I would love to have lots more sex with my husband. He works hard in construction and I know he is tired when he gets home but I still miss the intimacy. We are middle aged and have been married less than 2 years.

  • anonymous

    This day in time people take things so lightly especially marriage. Marriage is a sacred covenant that shouldn’t be broken and shouldnt be taken lightly. There have been many times in my marriage that I wanted to give up, but God said keep on. I dont have the perfect marriage and me and God are still working on me. Marriage is not what you can get.out of it, it’s abiut being loving and patient and kind and being as one not two. Pray over your spouses.I promise it works in God’s timing, ps…. ive been married for 5 years

  • Shelley

    My husband and I have been married for 17 years, and sure we’ve had our ups and downs. We have never even once thought about divorce. We love each other more and more every day! But we work on our marriage every day. We date! We sneak off for the weekend! We steal kisses and flirt! We never let our day to day routine become mundane. If you want your marriage to be strong, never let it get weak in the first place. Never take each other for granted, never criticize your spouse in public, realize that your spouse and yourself will have stumbles, but be there to help them up. Never let them feel they are alone! Love with all your heart and soul every minute of every day!

  • Shelley

    Make time! If your marriage is important, find the time. Even if it’s 5 minutes for snuggling. Because that could lead to more…..:-)

  • michelle

    I highly recommend the book The 5 Love languages! !! I thought our marriage was done and had given up. I knew I wasn’t perfect so I knew I had to change myself before he would change.

  • linda

    i would love to try this but my husband is impotent, has chronic pain and depression, and is emotionally distant. i miss the closeness and intimacy. im devoted to him and have been for 48 years. i am grateful for every day i have to love him and believe for miracles. i cant do anything less.. God has given me special grace. <3

  • Ben

    What if your spouse doesn’t want to save the marriage? Divorce is in process, not yet final.

  • dave willis

    I’m praying for you both. I’d encourage you to visit http://www.SaveMyMarriage.com


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