When Your Calling Feels Like A Curse

It’s 2am and you cannot sleep. Maybe it’s a tense relationship that is stirring up all your ill feelings. Maybe it’s an issue at work that’s still stressing you out. Or maybe you just need to get something off your chest. This post was originally going to be titled “The Dangers of Blogging,” but then I remembered that I’ve been wakened in the middle of the night many times before I started blogging. It didn’t start with my book project, but this writing sure has gotten me up more times than I care for, all because I had moments of “writer’s burst.” You know, the opposite of writer’s block?

But writing is dangerous. When you dare to express your thoughts and feelings on paper (or in print somewhere in cyberspace), you open yourself up to a number of risks. For one, you risk being misunderstood. This happened to me right after my second blog, which was supposed to uplift all mothers as “Supermom.” Lofty goal. Apparently, a friend who had not read my post very carefully got so personally offended at some of the comments I made that she gave me an earful.  It turned out that her misreading or my mis-wording stepped on her toes–completely unintended. This really lead me to profusely clarify what I was trying to say, and I even made a few edits to be more sensitive to parents like her. I even followed up with A Pick Me Up for Moms post. 

Another thing, blogging puts you at risk for being evaluated. Who needs anyone to evaluate you when you are still recovering from your parents and your boss’ critique of your performance? Surely readers can give you the benefit of the doubt? Surely they know you meant well? Or surely your delivery was crystal clear? But no, it doesn’t work that way. If you want to have a following, you got to let them give you a piece of their mind, too. Respectful dialogue is a two way street in the blogosphere world.

Thirdly, any time you stand for something, such as writing a blog, you open yourself up to be judged. This is different from evaluation in the sense that it’s not about your performance but your character. In the case of my offended friend, I did not feel judged as our friendship was strong and I was responsive to her feelings. Besides, after giving me the earful, she expressed feeling “bad” about it because she realized it was a misunderstanding and she could feel my heart’s intentions. But most readers will not know you personally, especially if you have a large readership. So, if you are not able to connect well through your writing, it will turn people off from you entirely. They only know you through what you write, so essentially your online “character” is your writing work. What if they think that I’m a mean, judgmental, highly opinionated, clueless, unprofessional person?

So if you’re like me, at this point you are asking, what am I still writing for? Can’t I sense danger or do I really enjoy the flogging? To be honest, I was very hesitant when I first dared to venture out in public with this book experiment. That’s why it’s taken a couple of years to finish. I wasn’t sure about taking all the risks that comes with the territory. I’m still not sure. They say the only difference between the master and the apprentice is that the master has failed more times than the apprentice has even tried. Tell that to the leader who’s in serious doubts as to why he took on such a challenging project at work. What about the fitness guru who’s trying not to quit when she’s got ten minutes of grueling exercise left? She knows that whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, but the only thing going through her mind at the moment is just kill me now, I don’t want to be any stronger!

Like them, I wish this “calling” would not feel so much like a curse. Writers have to deal with the nagging feeling–is anybody going to be reading this? Then, when there is a huge number of hits on our blogs, we start questioning–well, there’s only one comment, so am I connecting with anyone out there? Hello? What about you–do you take risks in your life? How do you balance the pleasure with the pain, cost? Thanks for reading. If you like this post, please consider subscribing to my future posts as a follower.