The Middle-Earth election guide

The Wall Street Journal and John McCain started it by calling Tea Partiers “hobbits.”  Timothy Furnish develops the parallels:

The first leg on this journey is figuring out what the Ring represents in modern political discourse. Since the Tea Party is trying to cast it into the fire, it must be American government spending and debt (which includes deficits, of course). That would make Congressman Paul Ryan Frodo since he knows more about that burden than anyone; and thus Samwise Gamgee must be John Boehner because he helps Frodo and he cries a lot.

Merry and Pippin, the other two major hobbits, would thus have to be Mitch McConnell and Eric Cantor — although the thought of McConnell’s mug on a 1-meter tall hobbit frame is a nightmare on the order of Tolkien’s visions of massive tidal waves and giant spiders.

Who advises the hobbits — as well as the other characters in this conservative’s Middle-Earth? Mainly Limbaugh the Grey, sent by the Valar to contest the will of the Dark Lord by inspiring all Men and Elves via three hours of daily radio programming and special advisory scrolls known as newsletters.

He’s assisted in this role by our world’s Elrond — Charles Krauthammer.

Both urge resistance to the Dark Lord….wait for it…George Soros. (Sorry, making Obama the “Dark Lord” would not only send a thrill up Chris Mathews’ “racism” antenna, it would give BHO far too much credit.) “Soron” hopes to seize the Ring of Debt for himself in order to transform the Middle-west and the rest of America into Mordor with a view — also known as Greece. Soron is, however, a bit distracted at present with this $50 million lawsuit brought by a Witch Queen.

Obama, then, is relegated to the role of Saruman — trying to be in charge, hoping to seize the Ring for himself, but really only doing the Dark Lord’s bidding: undermining capitalism, hosting Haradrim religious dinners at the White House, and playing golf on Sunday mornings.

via PJ Lifestyle » The Middle-Earth Guide to Campaign 2012—Updated.

Soros, Sauron, “Soron”!  That’s perfect.  See the rest of the post, in which Furnish gives roles to Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, and on and on,  to the last dwarf.

Do you have any additions or corrections?  Those of you on the liberal side of things, can you construct something similar from the Democratic point of view?

About Gene Veith

Professor of Literature at Patrick Henry College, the Director of the Cranach Institute at Concordia Theological Seminary, a columnist for World Magazine and TableTalk, and the author of 18 books on different facets of Christianity & Culture.

  • Pete

    Gollum (Greece – maybe Europe) had the ring for awhile, knows what it did to him, and yet desperately wants it back.

  • Pete

    Gollum (Greece – maybe Europe) had the ring for awhile, knows what it did to him, and yet desperately wants it back.

  • Dan Kempin

    “Soron” and Saruman. That is brilliant political satire (and I suspect that the rest was all constructed to deliver that particular punchline.) (Worth it, by the way.)

    “Limbalph,” er, “Gandalph the Rush,” um, well, the name doesn’t work, but the characterization does.

    Beyond that, I think it is just filling in the blanks for fun. Ok, the jab at Boehner crying was funny, if cheap. It doesn’t hang together, though, because there is no Frodo.

  • Dan Kempin

    “Soron” and Saruman. That is brilliant political satire (and I suspect that the rest was all constructed to deliver that particular punchline.) (Worth it, by the way.)

    “Limbalph,” er, “Gandalph the Rush,” um, well, the name doesn’t work, but the characterization does.

    Beyond that, I think it is just filling in the blanks for fun. Ok, the jab at Boehner crying was funny, if cheap. It doesn’t hang together, though, because there is no Frodo.

  • kerner

    But Paul Ryan, as Frodo, the little guy with the noble quest, was the first one assigned a character.

    And the speculation that Rick Perry might be our Boromir was interesting.

    Also, way down in the reader comments, was the suggestion that Scott Walker was treebeard, leading the ents (previously unknown and unexpected conservatives) in a surprise attack on one of Saruman’s (Obama’s) strongholds and winning; now that took some imagination.

  • kerner

    But Paul Ryan, as Frodo, the little guy with the noble quest, was the first one assigned a character.

    And the speculation that Rick Perry might be our Boromir was interesting.

    Also, way down in the reader comments, was the suggestion that Scott Walker was treebeard, leading the ents (previously unknown and unexpected conservatives) in a surprise attack on one of Saruman’s (Obama’s) strongholds and winning; now that took some imagination.

  • http://www.toddstadler.com/ tODD

    But who is Tom Bombadil in this allegorical reading? Who is Tom Bombadil????

  • http://www.toddstadler.com/ tODD

    But who is Tom Bombadil in this allegorical reading? Who is Tom Bombadil????

  • Dan Kempin

    Tom Bombadil . . . Bombadil . . . Bom . . . O Bom . . . Obama?!?

    What? Is President Obama really the jolly one with deep wisdom and old magic? Why, that changes everything. (Though it would explain his cryptic use of the phrase “ring a ding dillo” in debates.) Now we must identify old man willow and learn why his heart is so black. And does that make Nancy Pelosi “Goldberry?” (Or perhaps he is “gold Barry.”)

    Then again, perhaps we should remember that Frodo’s mission was to overthrow the powers of the current age and bring about a new age. . .

    Any takers on that one?

  • Dan Kempin

    Tom Bombadil . . . Bombadil . . . Bom . . . O Bom . . . Obama?!?

    What? Is President Obama really the jolly one with deep wisdom and old magic? Why, that changes everything. (Though it would explain his cryptic use of the phrase “ring a ding dillo” in debates.) Now we must identify old man willow and learn why his heart is so black. And does that make Nancy Pelosi “Goldberry?” (Or perhaps he is “gold Barry.”)

    Then again, perhaps we should remember that Frodo’s mission was to overthrow the powers of the current age and bring about a new age. . .

    Any takers on that one?


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