From Megan Hyatt Miller:
While talking with a friend about our adoption recently, she made a comment that adoption just seemed so trendy—all these upper-middle class families running around with their brown babies talking about hundreds of millions of orphans, minus one.
From the outside looking in, it appeared to be the “new thing.” She wasn’t being critical of my family, just making an observation of something she saw happening in the community where we live.
I started to wonder, is adoption just another trendy way to brand yourself as a cool Christian, or is God moving within his church, calling people to respond to the Gospel in large numbers?
Here are a few reason why I believe adoption isn’t just the latest fad, but points to larger movement:
1. There is a difference between a trend and something that is “trendy.”
2. Adoption is not a new idea, but Christians are finally starting to take the biblical mandate to care for orphans seriously.
3. Now, more than ever, Christians place a premium on alleviating the suffering of others.
4. Transracial adoption reminds us of what the Kingdom of God looks like.
5. Those interested in being “cool” are quickly weeded out by the process.
Megan,
Thank you for posting this. My wife and I are right in the middle of a potential placement and we just went through a pretty difficult potential placement that didn’t happen. I have a few comments here: http://subversiveREFORMATION.com/?page_id=180 but I haven’t posted much recently – especially since things are so heavy and up-in-the-air all the time. There is a lot that goes into adoption that either shouldn’t or can’t be adequately communicated online.
No. 5 is huge! The process is incredibly difficult. There is a lot of suffering involved. Between your post and this post: http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?p=10786 this morning I am encouraged to keep pressing on… even when you feel like you’ve got nothing left to give.
The kingdom of God is not full of romanticism or enacted with ease.
Peace,
Travis
And of course, God was the first one to adopt! He adopted us–He adopted me!
Years ago we adopted 2 girls with darker skin than us. We still think it’s pretty cool!
And Miller is right; the process is so long and laborious that “trendy” and “fad” just don’t seem to fit the situation. Some people have biological children for silly reasons as well, but dealing with night feedings, diapers, and incessant crying usually shakes most of that out.
Hopefully Christians will start to adopt all the special needs children. Maybe that will seem fashionable then too.
Everyone I know who has adopted (at I’m pretty sure) has done so after learning they were incapable of physically having children themselves. That doesn’t sound like people trying to be trendy or fadish to me.
I especially like the last part about the process weeding out the would-be trendy folks. To those who think it’s simply ‘cool’, know that it’s also a ton of work and WILL change the way you look at just about everything in this world. Having our haitian daughter has not always been easy, but it has absolutely been worth it.
Kenny – my wife and I have two healthy boys and are completely capable of having more, but firmly believe in the importance of adoption. I hope it’s a trend…
As an adoptive parent (Guatemala) who chose adoption over conception, this resonated with me. Only someone who has never been through the adoption process could think this is something a person could do to be trendy. I think Christ followers in the Western world are finally starting to recognize adoption as a Plan A aspect of the gospel rather than a Plan B option for building a family.
#4 Kenny – We chose adoption before we got married. I have no idea if we could have conceived or not, though we have taken steps to prevent it now. Not a choice for everyone, but it’s what we did.
A couple of thoughts that I have offer are these:
1. Any adoption of a child into a situation that will allow them to be cared for better than the circumstance they are born into with consent of the birth parent(s) is a beautiful thing. I myself am adopted and I know that my family was able to offer more (stability mostly) than my birth mother could give me. I am very thankful for where God has cared for me and formed me as an adopted child both in my faith and in my story as an adopted child in my family. Granted I am white adopted by a white family in America so slightly different than what this post is talking about but it still applies.
2. The “trendy” observation is something that I’ve thought about occasionally especially when we see celebrities adopting children like Madonna or Brad and Angelina. On one hand I wonder what their motivation is and on the other I think about how those children have different opportunities than they would have otherwise, most would probably say better opportunities. In terms of the Christian “trendy,” I would probably have to agree with #5 being an essential part of the process, one that happens and is a rigorous process that the insincere would hopefully be weeded out.
3. This is probably the most important point in my mind. I once was in a small group where we discussed this topic a little bit off of a discussion on procreation. We talked about what it might look like to adopt those in our own communities first. Be that those children in our state or our own country who are our neighbors. The US is in need of parents just as much as Africa or India or other places around the world. Now I am not saying that it is bad to adopt from another country because children are in need all over the world. However, is it the best thing to be taking them out of their culture to replace it with ours? I agree to a point (concerning #4) that the Kingdom of God is transracial, however I don’t think we are to replace cultures. I’m not sure what is “most” kingdom like here. Further questions I pose are: Who do we look towards first, our neighbor or those in extreme poverty? I don’t have answers to these questions but I think further discussion/responses would be good to pursue.
Thanks for this post Megan, this is a good topic to discuss.
“Those interested in being “cool” are quickly weeded out by the process.” – Yes as a couple who is in the process of adopting overseas. The paper work is daunting and the costs are very high. There are other easier and cheaper ways to be cool!
I can’t imagine people not appreciating the weight of the assignment and doing it for shallow reasons. Everyone who I know who has done it attests to the stamina needed.
I have a friend currently adopting two darker children since his kids are nearly out of the house. I asked why, and he said, Isn’t that what Jesus tells us we should do?
Comment #8, your first sentence hits it on the head for me. In my community, I see families lifted up for overseas adoption meanwhile those that have become foster parents of local disadvantaged children slide under the radar.
I think another question to be asked is “Is it seen as more glorious/praise-worthy right now in christianity to adopt overseas vs caring for those with the same need in your community?”
Yes, I wonder why Brad and Angelina did not adopt some US-born foster children?
I love adoption, but I often contemplated the trendy vs. trend question as well. I wonder though what good could be done if the millions of US dollars that are spent to adopt internationally was instead invested in those countries to create jobs,schools, training, and other resources to help keep families in other countries together. Providing childcare would allow many single mothers in other countries or single fathers to keep their children rather than give them up for adoption. Many indigenous churches are doing wonderful things to help their members be foster parents to orphans in their communities.
I think jjobe’s second point (Comment #8) hits the nail on the head: International vs Domestic Adoptions
Two years ago my wife and I embarked on a journey to adopt a child from our local area within the USA. When people found out about it, one of the first questions they would is why we didn’t adopt an international child. Than they would launch into a passion filled speech declaring how adopting a child from a developing country was more “Christian” and “better” then adopting domestically. Usually their argument would run along the lines of: “a child in the USA will be taken care of by the government, but a child overseas will be left on the streets. Therefore, you should adopt an international child.”
This line of think is CRAP and other-four-letter-words-better-left-un-typed!!!
There are babies and children in the USA who are in the same state of poverty as those overseas. In fact, some country – even developing countries – have better orphanages then the USA (note that this is coming from someone who has traveled and worked among the slums of eight different international countries). Just because people in the USA tend to have more money than folks overseas, doesn’t mean that the children of the USA are any better off as most of that money is used for everything else BUT the foster care system (Google the USA foster care system – or better yet, ask a foster parent). To assume that adopting international is ‘better’ then domestic adoption is faulty logic.
Furthermore, we noticed that the majority of adoption resources (books, article, etc) were written for folks adopting from another country. There were very few resources or information about people who adopted domestically. Sometimes all the focus on international adoptions made us feel ‘less than’ since we were ‘just’ adopting domestically. It was like we were the un-cool kids in high school…. so yes, I can understand where Megan’s friend is coming from as it seems to me that there is an unhealthy focus on international adoption.
Bottom line: if God is calling you to adopt, then look both within your city, state, country as well as international. Children from all countries need a loving family – not just international ones.
Leslie #13,
I don’t think that is really an accurate way to look at it. A very small percentage of foreign adoptions happen because parents in poverty hand over their child. There are simply millions and millions of children who are not wanted by the parents and are abandoned, sometimes out of desperation, yes, but adoption is a kind of investment that transforms lives more than institutional childcare and job programs.
Percival #15, A growing amount of research shows that many “orphans” actually have at least one surviving family member or have extended family who would take care of the child given the means and opportunity to do so. I highly recommend Bowie, Fiona, ed. Cross-Cultural Approaches to Adoption. New York: Routledge, 2004, Journal of
Family and Community Ministries 23, no. 2 & 3 (Summer/Fall 2009), and http://www.faithbasedcarefororphans.org.
Our 4th child is adopted.
It was pretty simple. She has cerebral palsy (turns out it’s mild). She was 5 years old, about to age out of her baby-orphanage and be sent to an institution where she’d be bedridden and eventually die. We knew this. We had room. And means. And love.
Why not?
Why does the question have to be “why”? Why can’t the question be, “why not?”
She’s a joy and we love her. Everyone does.
Reece’s Rainbow is an excellent resource for connecting special needs orphans with their forever families. They also do partnerships focused on training families in Eastern Europe to keep and care for their “own” special needs children (completely counter-cultural but it’s beginning to happen, praise God!!)
read over these comments, and folks, people ARE starting programs like those mentioned, to create infrastructure that allows children to stay with their biological families – that’s the ideal, no doubt!!! but there’s an entire generation of orphans who need love and families RIGHT NOW. prevent all day long, PLEASE DO, but we also must take care of what’s in front of us. orphans age out of their institutions (if they don’t run away first) only to turn to lives of crime and prostitution because they have no other options. if bringing them into loving families is a trend then for God’s sake everyone jump on the damn bandwagon! sorta gets on my nerves after a while, hearing the church bicker while the ship sinks…
Just as a counterpoint.
Unfortunately those of us not in the USA do not have it so easy. For the past 3-4 years my wife and I were trying to adopt a child from Ethiopia to Australia. After jumping through so many beaurocratic hoops and spending thousands of dollars and having our hopes raised and dashed time and time again, thanks to a recent government decision, it has now become apparent that out chances of having a child placed are now close to zero.
Adoption is a great idea in principle, but in practice the system is cruel, causing intense pain and stress to waiting families, and helping only a tiny fraction of the children our there in need of a home. Although I am in favour of adoption, I would never recommend it to anyone who doesn’t have a strong call and the patience of Job, unless the whole system was changed.
I just returned from Ethiopia a few days ago where we met our son for the first time. It has been nearly 5 years in process and we still had to come home without him. We hope to bring him home soon. No amount of trendiness could make us go through the pain and emotions of such a long journey.
That being said, adoption needs to be something that gets a lot attention, scrutiny and reform on a consistent basis. The complexities of transracial adoption, international adoption, etc. cannot be under-stated and they are all too often glossed over by many. It is a huge responsibility with severe implications. Then again, so is having children through procreation.
Great piece, Megan!
Leskie #16,
I applaud the kind of work people at Faith Based Care are doing (your link), but the sub-Saharan Africa and Haiti situation are not typical of international adoptions (although it may become more so). I don’t think this should turn into an either/or debate on which is better. There are children and families in need everywhere and there is not one solution that fits all circumstances.
One of my daughters was abandoned at birth under a train seat in South Africa. The orphanage simply could not find enough South Africans to adopt the huge number of abandoned babies there. http://www.tlc-usa.org/view.php?page=1
The other website link was incomplete.
The small orphanage we adopted our daughter from practices both family reunion AND foreign adoption.
http://www.tlc.org.za/TLC-DW/returned.html
In my faith community, the trend has been more towards foster care and adoption from the foster care system. Including some that have had at least their first 4 kids(so far) adopted from the local foster care system.
My wife works in “Christian” foster care as a case manager. You see all kinds. Many are very committed to caring for the “orphan”, there are some who see it as a paying business, and there are others who frankly watched some movie and became sentimental, but had absolutely no idea what they were getting into.
The last kind are particularly problematic because some can demonstrate an arrogant “I’m going to rescue these poor people” or “look at me doing my Christian duty” attitude. But for the most part Megan is right, those types find out fairly quickly this is not for them and drop out of the system.
Being the father of two boys adopted from Ethiopia I am somewhat worried by the tendency to view (foreign) adoption as a kind of humanitarian or Christian aid work. In Denmark where I live, adopting parents are warned during adoption process about the dangers of thinking of adoption as aid work. Many Americans, both Christian and others, seem blind to these dangers. In som American churches it very common to say adoption in the sentence as missions trip, missions projects, feeding the poor. All these ministries and projects are probably borne out of a sincere concern for poor, needy and orphans. My wife and I talked to a friend, herself adopted from South Korea, about adoption vs aid work and about the many complements we got from other people for adopting two orphans (like ‘What you are doing is so beautiful’ or noble or Christ like – and often times we couldnt help but feel a little self rightouos on the inside while smiling humbly on the outside saying, We are the ones who have been blessed). She said something like, Be sure to keep aid work and adoption apart when talking to your sons so that they never feel like objects of aid work or ‘projects’. We kept those words in our hearts. Her point being that they might feel that they have to be thankful all their lives for being saved from poverty by the two generous white people. So we try to let our sons know that truly we are the ones who have been blessed. Does that make sense?
Percival #21–I agree completely that the need is so great that all avenues need to be explored. It can’t become an either/or situation but instead both/and. Unfortunately, it saddens me that in my faith community, along with many others, only adoption is seen as a valid option.
Bo #25 Thank you for reminding all of us that adoption must not be seen as aid work.