Join My Facebook Fan Club, or the Hairy Shut-In Gets Hurt

Good morning, all!

Speaking of which, what time is it? I used to know—but then the government made us go on (or is it off?) Daylight Saving Time.

Hmmm. Government. Savings.

Oh, no. It’ll probably be dark in fifteen minutes.

Anyway, hello! I’m back from my blogcation!

I shudder to think of the suffering caused you by my absence. Well, maybe not shudder. But I am vibrating like a giant, flesh-covered cell phone.

Ew. Sorry. Gross image. Unless you’re an actual human cell. Then you’re probably pretty pro-flesh.

Okay, right. I need coffee.

Back again! How are you? Well, that’s enough about you. Let’s talk now about something critical, which is you joining my Facebook fan page. If you haven’t yet given yourself a Facebook page, do so now (here)—and then, once you’re a Facebooker, join my fan page! Then I’ll ask to be friends with you! Then you’ll accept my invitation! Then we’ll be e-buds! Then I’ll start totally annoying you with my funny little jokes on your Facebook page! Then you’ll block me! Then … well … then things’ll get ugly. So let’s not go there. Yet.

(Seriously: If you haven’t yet joined Facebook, take it from me, the most resolutely anti-social person since Hermit the Crab: Facebook rocks. It’s free; it’s utterly unobtrusive; it’s a wonderful way to stay in touch with and make new friends, and it totally lets you annoy people by leaving funny jokes and comments on their page. I joined only days ago, and you can’t believe the number of people who already wish I hadn’t. It’s pretty much the greatest thing since carrier pigeons.)

The reasons for which you must right now join my Facebook fan page (as opposed to my regular Facebook page) are two: #1. I’ve asked you and everyone else in the world to do so, right here in this most public of forums. If a lot of people don’t now do that, I will have been officially and irrevocably publicly embarrassed. That happens to me enough in real space and time without it also happening to me in cyberspace and time, thankyaverymuch. #2: I am at this very moment wanting some Publishing Muck-a-Mucks to think I’m Quite Popular. A Facebook fan page replete with, say, 100 Actual Fans will help make that case. A Facebook “fan club” with four members in it will help make the case that they should move past me on to some other author, whom I will then be forced to hunt down so that I can thoroughly egg his or her car.

And in today’s hungry world, do you think it’s right to make me waste eggs? Of course it isn’t.

If you’re a fan of my writing, won’t you please consider joining my Facebook fan club?

Do it for yourself.

Do it for the children.

(Oh! The cool thing about the fan page is it allows me to write my “fans” all at once. Then if there’s an event I’d like people to know about, or any kind of Career News, or anything I’d like to write to my peeps without having to post a whole blog thing about it, I can. Awesomeness.)

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • you had me at "or the Hairy Shut-In Gets Hurt"

    I actually did think, "wha…haha"

  • funny thing… I actually thought of you this a.m….wondered how long you would lay about….it was heartwarming to see Suddenly Christian in my inbox…as for Face Book….I hate small talk….

    and sometimes my thoughts shouldn't become public domain. However, my kids have been after me to go on Facebook….will see… welcome back…

  • Judy

    Glad you're back, even if it's just to beg for fans. Which you don't have to do. It is video time, though. 🙂

  • Cibola

    Yay!! You've joined Facebook!! I joined about a year ago, and I've been keeping in touch with my kids, their friends, my nieces and nephews, and ONE friend from my actual age group!! It's great. I've picked up a couple of cool new words…excuse me…sweet new words to throw around.

    I'm going to go join your fan group right now!!

  • arlywn

    I joined. And as of 3 sometihng in the afternoon- you had yet to add me to your friends list! whats up with that nonsense?

  • Joined and waiting for response with baited breath. So glad you are back and welcome to the age of Facebook, where we no longer go out for coffee with our friends we just message them. LOVE IT!!! And I was scared of the egging I was gonna get if I didn't.

    BTW I am gonna have nightmares that will haunt me for years. Flesh covered cell phone (urgh)

  • OK. I joined. I want you to feel popular. I like your writing. But one more “fleshy cell phone” remark, Mister, and I’ll un-join. Ugh.

  • Done! Glad you're back.

  • Okay, I'm in. Only I use my real name on Facebook, so … ummm, … well, I guess that's about it.

    I loved the daylight saving comment, by the way. And I had to have brain surgeons remove the part of my brain that contained the memory of the flesh-covered cell phone joke. Oops. I wonder if I can get a discount on a re-do.

    Anyway, … I promise not to ban you. After all, it's better to be friends with the ruler of the world than not, right?

  • Ric: Thanks, friend. And seek help.

    Diane: I wonder what it is about a, like, meat-covered cell phone that's so entirely repelling? It's just the grossest thing.

    Greta: Do it. Do it for your children.

    Judy: I WILL! I'll make a video tomorrow.

    Cibola: Excellent! See you over there!

    Arlywyn: I didn't know you have a FB page. Anyway, we're all caught up now, yes?? Lovely, lovely…

    Christiane: Try—oh, try!—not to dream of cell phones covered in Spam. Just try.

    Skerrib: I poked around on your FB page a bit today. Will visit again soon. Interesting. Cool profile pic of you and … I guess that's your husband on your back?

    Wickle: Ah, ha! So I wonder which "fan" is YOU???!!! I'll go check out my fans again, and I'll just KNOW, I know.

  • FreetoBe

    I was your #19 friend yesterday…..thanks for the invite! Been on facebook since my kids talked me into it. I keep up with them that way.

    New prez today! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Aw man… people have been encouraging me to join Facebook for a while but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Maybe you're the straw that breaks the camel's back, and it's time for me to just jump in and do it.

    Poor camel. Don't you feel guilty?

  • No. That camel had to go. Bad knees. No teeth. Camel mange. Time to put it down.

    So one time at this humongous—I mean, 10,000 people in audience—Christmas pagent thing at the monolithically (sp??) huge Glass Cathedral in Los Angeles, a camel soaked me in camel snot. I had an aisle seat, and the camel was basically waiting to go on, it SNEEZED on my head. The whole side of my face and top of my head was instantly soaked.

    Turned out to make good hair gel. But still.

  • Judy

    Laughing out loud at camel snot making good hair gel! I can just imagine your reaction to being sneezed on by a camel.

  • Judy

    Did anyone offer you a squeegy?

  • Holy camel snot.

    So do you let Kat take the aisle now?

  • No, I still take the aisle seat. I'm 6' 2", so I'm Joe Aisle whenever I can be. I'll tell you what, though: If I hear it's a LIVE show, featuring a camel that makes an appearane from the back of the house, I'm suddenly Joe Middle Aisle, for sure. Not that it comes up all that often. But I definitely now check the small print in the program of any live show I see.

    No squeegy offered. When it happened, I didn't even MOVE it was so shocking. I didn't even know the camel was THERE, right behind and beside me. No idea. They were dead quiet. I was just peacefully watching the show, when I heard this violent, near-deafening SOUND—and the moment I heard it, I was soaked. I looked to my left, and there was this freakin' CAMEL staring at me, lookin like, "Oh. Sorry. Did I get you?"

    Anyway. The whole thing was just too … weird. And wet. And so not in a good way.

  • Hahaha…um, if that's my husband in my profile pic then I have issues more serious than even I know.

    Oh and with regard to the time change–not sure how you were coming at it, but we actually just went OFF DST. Which to me is a fabulous thing. Going back on in the spring is the miserable part.

  • Judy

    So gross and so funny.