Killing Cat Killers, Sort Of

5:45 p.m. Monday, March Whatever, 2009.

In my wife’s office. Laptop on lap.  iTunes playing “Paper Planes” (M.I.A.), “Gold Digger” (Kanye East), “Once in a Lifetime” (Yapping Heads), “My Name is Prince” (I forget the name of the artist), “My Name Is” (by Eminememenemen), and other such songs for people like me who, dagnabit, ain’t dead yet.

Wife cutting photography mat.

Last night she and I watched the movie “Zodiac.”

Later last night I dreamed that I was wanted for murdering three people, which (in my dream) I had to do, because they had magical powers that allowed them to kill cats at a distance.

I mean, how unacceptable is that?

Then they killed our cat.

I’ll spare you the details of how I killed these evil kitty killers. Let’s just say sacks were involved. And a wall.

Too gruesome.

But efficient!

When I awoke this morning, I had a pretty bad crick in my neck. Now I can’t look over my left shoulder.

Hey! I think a bird just banged into Cat’s window!

Okay, so is there anything about life that isn’t intensely bizarre?

"That kinda potty mouth got you banned from twitter."

The fundamentally toxic Christianity
"you're quite the hypocrite Nicky. You're very prejudiced against gays and people of other races."

The fundamentally toxic Christianity
"You were told to chug piss bub as those preachers drain the lizard on academia ..."

The fundamentally toxic Christianity
"I think he read a Bible verse once and thinks that makes him a Christian."

The fundamentally toxic Christianity

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  • Judy

    What a coincidence…I too had a crick in my neck this morning. I sometime have violent dreams, too and I don't necessarily need creepy movies to induce them. Bizarre. Glad you got the cat killers. Sweet dreams!

  • No worries, man. I woke up this morning, shook off the silver doilies and took a quick larva bath before flying into the vortex of polka.

    So in some places the boring old normal still reigns.

  • John … you live in California. If you don't want life to be intensely bizarre then you're in the wrong place.

    It's kind of like friends of mine, living in New Hampshire and whining about how much they hate snow, mud, black flies, and raking leaves (Winter, Mud, Black Fly, and Fall being our four seasons). It comes with the territory.

    (Note to self … this is a bad time to mention John my opinion of cats.)

  • Brenda

    Thank you John, Defender of Cats!

    My cat is "Ole the Terrible, the Cat Who Hates Humans" ("Ole" for short). He is an attack cat who has terrorized this household for a year and a half now, putting holes in my legs and nylons, stealing food off the counter if we're idiotic enough to leave it there, and just generally being obnoxious. And if anybody tries to hurt him, even from a distance—they'll have to answer to me. I'll go after 'em!