Waving Into The Dark

It’s 11 a.m. and I’m in a doctor’s office, listening on my iPod to M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” (which just shuffled to Talking Head’s “Once in a Lifetime”—but never mind).  My wife Cat is back where the Medical Stuff happens, getting a biopsy.

They’ll snip a piece out of her, examine it, think about it.

Cancer, maybe! What the fuck is that about? (Sorry, sensitive-types: I sometimes curse. I’m confident that, of all things, God takes seriously context.)

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the day Cat and I signed the papers making us Official Owners of the first house we ever bought. It’s a three-story townhouse. There’s a walking path near it. Last night, while I waited on the same spot on that path that we both used to stand while basically stalking the house we so desperately wanted and eventually purchased, she left me to go inside the house. She turned on virtually every light in the place. Then she went up to the third story, the entirety of which is our bedroom, and came to one of the windows. Facing toward where she knew I was out in the dark looking up at her, she smiled her huge smile, and waved.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • "Once in a Lifetime"? That's some profound synchronicity

    And you may tell yourself

    This is not my beautiful house!

    And you may tell yourself

    This is not my beautiful wife!

    Just remember John, there is water at the bottom of the ocean… and lots of us keeping you two in our hearts.

  • God is faithful, John! May you and Cat's spirits be lifted and assured that HE IS IN CONTROL and has a plan for everything.


  • Sam


    God's peace and love to you both.

  • Keeping you and Cat in my prayers today John.

  • sendig prayers and love to you guys!

    That is a wonderful image you have given us here John!

  • Such difficult news. I wish you both (but especially Cat) all the best.

  • You guys are killing me. Thank you.

  • Erp

    My thoughts are with you and your wife. Remember that medical science has advanced a lot and many cancers that use to be death sentences no longer are. Not much comfort at this time, I know, but a little thing to remember.

  • It's always darkest before the dawn john, but the dawn is coming. (Yes, that is from batman- but it's a hugely important piece of advice) And while it's important to trudge through the dark- dont lose sight of Cat, and spend as much time with her in the light as you can.

    Mostly keep the communication open. This is not a time for neither of you to know what the other is feeling. It makes a difference.

    Oh, and feel free to get second opinions with doctors. You should always trust your doctor. And not just because he has a degree. We're all human.

  • Jessica

    You are breaking my heart for you guys.

  • FreetoBe

    What a beautiful picture you paint with your words. Praying for you and Cat.

  • Greta Sheppard

    am feeling your pain….but rest on this…..that many things which appear as cancer turn out to be benign.

    God is hovering over you and Cat . . . lean on Him . . . acknowledge Him….you will see He is directing your path!

  • Lucy

    Remember…He is always with you! He is holding you and Cat in His loving arms…..no matter what the outcome. Praying for you both.


  • Eric Edelhausen

    What a beautiful picture you paint with your words. Praying for you and Cat.; What a beautiful picture you paint with your words. Praying for you and Cat.;;

  • yeu@nn

    Felt like I was there, when I read what you wrote about Cat going into the house and turning on all the lights. And perhaps you memorised every little step she took, and of course, her wave.

    Somehow it feels like a picture of a better and sweeter day to come… perhaps it's prophetic? That one day she'll be in a far better and more beautiful home, where there is no more night, and every room a light. And she'll be waving out to you standing out there in the dark night… to welcome you home forever.

    Meanwhile… i'm praying for your wife's safety and health. really hope God will keep her safe and sound…