I Dare You To Stay Awake Reading This

You, reading this.

Don’t you hate it when you go to a website or blog, expecting something interesting, and instead get some snooze-inducing report of stuff about the “author’s” personal life that you could tell you wouldn’t even care about if you were that person?

Yeah, that’s about to happen to you.

Our time, right now: 9:22 a.m.

My clothes: So wrinkled I look like a giant origami project someone gave up on.

Immediate plans:

1. Go to post office to mail out books of mine purchased by a couple of suckers geniuses.

2. Go to water place where I’ll spend fifteen minutes filling up my eight four-gallon bottles with water that I’m assuming is cleaner than the water that comes out of my tap but really have no idea but doesn’t cost very much so I guess I don’t really care even though it’s kind of a hassle.

3. Ask the Korean guy who owns the water place to translate for me into English some of the headlines of the Korean newspaper he’ll be reading. Be amazed at what Koreans think of as news. (Last time I asked him—and this was the across-the-page headline atop the second section of the paper— it was, “Teenagers: You Cannot Excel at School On Less Than Two Hours of Studying Per Night.”)

4. Go to Trader Joe’s. Buy food. Try not to stop dumbfounded in middle of store out of sheer amazement of how much food can be so easily purchased in this, the greatest country (certainly in that regard) in the world.

5. Go pick up Cat from her office, where she went in to work today.

6. Take Cat out for drink for having to work on a Saturday.

And here you thought my being a famous radio star might in any way make me interesting.

Print Friendly

About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://Sisterfriends-together.org Anita

    You live the life of a rock star John but now might I add a number 7?

    7. Correct the typos in my incredibly fascinating post about my day,

    • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

      Ha! I'll have to check that out. I wrote that post in literally three minutes before we walked out the door. And this is the first thing, right here, that I've ever written on my new iPod. I'm at Starbucks.

      • http://www.whitenoisemetal.com Brian Shields

        Starbucks is also known to put DHMO in all its products

    • http://etaya.wordpress.com Etaya

      Anita: So glad that I am not the only one who noticed errors. I almost got red ink on my monitor trying to correct them.

      John: Check item #1 on your list and please correct it.

  • http://www.whitenoisemetal.com Brian Shields

    2. Be careful, all that stuff contains DHMO which is fatal if inhaled.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Don't see typos! Using iPod is odd. Fingers feel huge.

    • http://Sisterfriends-together.org Anita

      John, I never stopped to consider that under 2 you actually meant to say "Go go to water place" given that you're so cool you probably would go-go. My mistake. My bad.

      • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

        No, ur right! Mistake! Changed! Thx!

  • Zoomer

    Actually I LOVE to read the quotidian details of other people's lives.

    Aren't you impressed by my use of the word quotidian? No? Oh well.

    The thing about Life is, usually if you're not doing boring but mildly pleasant stuff you're having a hard time. Sorry, but that's the way it really is. The exciting and fun stuff doesn't happen all that often, in the grand scheme of things.

    • http://blueberrypancakesfordinner.wordpress.com blueberrypancakesfor

      i had to look it up.

      but i will use it tomorrow and impress the DH.

  • http://susanne430.blogspot.com/ susanne430

    Enjoyed this especially the Korean headline!

  • http://blueberrypancakesfordinner.wordpress.com blueberrypancakesfor

    i love the mundane. i find it comforting.

    What did you get at TJ's?

    Yesterday, I picked up some Hollandaise

    so tonight we are having

    Chorizo eggs Benedict.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Hey, don't ask me to tell you what I brought at TJ's.

    Because I'll do it.

    Oh, I'll do it.

    • Patty

      Hey! For those of us living anywhere but Cali, TJ's is TJMAXX, which is a whole other shopping trip. Don't make me green with envy!

    • A’isha

      Tell, please, tell…make me jealous! It’s a 5-freaking-hour drive to the closest TJs!

  • http://blueberrypancakesfordinner.wordpress.com blueberrypancakesfor

    i told YOU what i got at TJ's…

  • Gina Powers

    Ummm….famous radidio star? Move over, beyotch……;).

    Good job on #6, and

    did you take my last FB posting on your wall down for some personal reason? Told myself I wasn't gonna ask, but dammit, the BPD kicked in.

    Ok, I'll bite–what'd ya get at TJ's? We East Coast-ers are such dorks that we have no TJ's here….

  • http://none Don Rappe

    Wow, 32 gallons of water. I almost went out for 3 this afternoon but put it off. It's really hot here (Southmost Texas.) Since this is John's blog, I still need a big word. Some people here call this time of year canicula.

  • Kim

    I LOVE Trader Joe's. I resisted regularly shopping there for years 'cuz of some highish prices, but finally surrendered to their unbelievably seductive displays promising better health and longevity and cool stuff like that. Plus their hummus is to die for!

  • Anna

    Oooh, awesome. I might be getting a book in the mail!


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X