An unbearably difficult update

[UPDATE: Tim has passed.]

This just in from the writer of the letter I answered in Christian woman: “She’s pulled the plug on her own son, whom I love and cared for. How do I deal with my anger?”

I wanted to give you all an update about our dear Tim. It has been 23 days since Tim last had his tube feedings or i.v. fluids. For some reason, he is still hanging on. It is the longest we have ever seen someone hold on without nourishment or fluids. I don’t know what God’s plan is in all this. I keep praying that the Lord will take him home and end his suffering. A minister told me something so comforting . . . that Jesus is feeding Tim and he is not suffering. I’m really clinging to that right now, as it’s one of the few things that keeps me from falling into a deep depression.

Late last week, the insurance company stopped hospital coverage, and the doctors sent Tim home with hospice care. Now, his mother and her boyfriend have him lying on a couch. They didn’t even want his hospital bed from our home. The agency for which we work chose not to seek legal action, as his mother is Tim’s next-of-kin, and it’s ultimately her decision as to Tim’s care.

I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, and we are still in desperate need of your prayers. We also care for a young lady, a full-time placement in our home who has autism. She has also been Tim’s sister for the last seven years that she has lived with us. She doesn’t understand where Tim is, and it’s hard to explain to her. If anyone has suggestions as to how we can help her say goodbye to Tim, I would appreciate them. She’s been in a cycle of tantrums and bad behaviors, as her routine of Tim being at our house has been disrupted. We’re trying not to discuss the situation in front of her, as she cries when we cry (very unusual for most children with autism).

It’s been a long, hard unusual situation, and I will do my best to keep you posted. Please continue to pray for us.

We will.

If there’s more to say, those words come in a language I don’t know.

About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • Nathan Stehle via Facebook

    Thank you for sharing this update.

  • Ken Vinsel via Facebook

    will pray, of course

  • Jodee

    My heart is broken for Tim, for you, for your whole family. You are all in my prayers.

  • Marie FishSquirrel Muchnik via Facebook

    Praying

  • http://www.facebook.com/JohnShoreFans John Shore via Facebook

    praying

  • http://www.facebook.com/jos.reyn Jos Reyn via Facebook

    ” We’re trying not to discuss the situation in front of her, as she cries when we cry (very unusual for most children with autism). ” But not unusal if you think of her as someone who cares and to whom you all mean a lot. Blessed thought to be cared about, no?

    • LSS

      Very true that even though not always showing it in the usual ways, autistics are just as capable as other human beings of caring about others.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jill-Joiner/100000809409370 Jill Joiner via Facebook

    Praying for peace for your family.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones via Facebook

    Praying.

  • K.E.

    Truly heartbreaking. Just a thought, if it’s possible, you may want to consider telling Tim that it’s okay to let go. When a friend of mine was comatose and clinging to life, a nurse in the ICU told his family that they would probably have to tell him it was okay to let go. She said it was something she saw often – people hang on for much longer than expected because they do not want to disappoint or leave behind those they love. Once their loved ones told them it was okay to let go, they went peacefully. I experienced the same thing with my grandfather. God bless Tim, the letter writer, and all others involved.

    • tempus_aeterna

      Both of my grandfathers were the same way. They held on a lot longer than anyone expected and then after the last very close family member arrived to say goodbye they passed on.

      To the letter writer, if you have the option, maybe you could go over to Tim’s house with your husband and your ward (the autistic girl) and say goodbye. Maybe allowing all of you to say goodbye would make things easier on you and allow Tim to pass on. Big hugs to all of you, it’s an unbelievably difficult situation.

  • Catharine Phillips via Facebook

    Praying

  • Connie Marshall Thompson via Facebook

    Praying for peace in your family’s heart.

  • Carl Johnson via Facebook

    I pray you find Peace. I weep for your pain and ache.

  • Dave Bowling

    I have no words to express what is in my heart … just glad that a minister was able to give some perspective of God taking care of Tim during this extended time. Just wish I had words to provide assistance for you with the adoptive sister to Tim that has no comprehension or understanding of where he is and what is going on.

    All I can offer is a meekly stated God Bless You All! His means and methods are far more than we can comprehend and He will be sufficient for your needs. It breaks my heart that you are going thru this situation … but I have no doubt that all will be well for you – at least that is my prayer for you. Bless y0u for all you have done thus far.

  • Martha Jean-Prunier via Facebook

    Beloved Tim, we hold you in perfect peace and love.

  • Terri Antonovich via Facebook

    Praying

  • erika

    i do not even know what to say. i am holding all of you in light and love.

    erika

  • Carol

    oh my Lord….sending all the love I can in this hard time for you….my Grandma used to say that God doesn’t give you “that kind” of strength until you need it…you need it now, girlio, and lean on it!!

  • Luvjustice

    Sheesh. I am not a Christian nor religious in any way, yet I find myself saying a prayer for Tim and this family. The goodness and pure light that is evident in them deserves anything I can do, and to paraphrase John, if there is something I can do other than pray as she has requested I haven’t yet learned how to do it.

    Regarding the young lady with autism, I have a unique perspective which may offend some but it is all I can offer. In her book, “Animals in Translation,” the noted autism expert Temple Grandin (who herself has autism) draws a comparison between the way animals and autistic people perceive the world. To simplify, they can not filter out stimuli in their environment that doesn’t directly affect them. So the biggest source of stress for both these groups is often OUR failure to acknowledge what they are noticing but we ignore. In other words, this girl probably is more aware of what is going on than you realize, and your effort to deny it in her presence may be the main cause of her frustrated acting-out. As an expert in modifying animal behavior, I would suggest that you stop trying to hide your feelings, but rather try to expose her to them gradually (by talking, “eulogizing”, expressing sadness, watching basketball on tv, maybe drawing or looking at pictures of Tim and putting them away in a special box, etc.) while providing as many positive associations in the environment as possible. Depending on the child, this may be a quiet room with little visual stimulation, possibly providing her with certain tactile stimulation she favors, maybe giving her a favorite food. This is classical conditioning (positive association) which can help keep her toward the calmer end of the behavior spectrum while you intentionally add the unpleasant stimuli of sadness and pain The goal is to moderate her emotional state to maintain it under a threshold. Of course, if she is already close to threshold she may lose it anyway, but there are worse things. It might end up being cathartic for everyone in the end. It can’t be helping the rest of you to be worrying about upsetting her, on top of everything else you’re dealing with.

    Most importantly remember that whatever your do, she will be better off for having you in her life, so there is no wrong answer to your question.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

      Superb. Thank you, Luv.

  • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

    Letter writer: You know I’m with you on this, in every way.

    But could you maybe help us understand something? It’s not the case that Tim has had no fluids, right? Cuz no one can go that long without fluids. We know he’s not getting any IV fluids. But are we right in assuming he must be taking in some fluids? Right? Or … ? Thank you for helping us understand the terrible situation you and yours are in.

  • Heather Gray

    Message Hi John, Though my heart goes out to Tim’s respite care provider and her family, there is nothing I can say that would bring peace or comfort regarding his death – but with regard to the child with autism she also cares for, I can perhaps be of some assistance. Would you please pass this message along to her?

    People with autism can be surprisingly pragmatic about death – it”s the change and confusion that throws them into upheaval. She also sounds extremely sensitive and perceptive – she may be frightened that you’re trying to avoid talking about Tim in front of her, as well as confused by his disappearance. Be honest with her about Tim – tell her what’s going on in very straight forward language, using whatever visual structure you have in place to support the concept of illness and death. Use social stories, read books with her, find videos that may help her understand. Help her establish a new routine in Tim’s honor that may help her feel more grounded and secure.

    Here are some additional resources: http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/at-home/death-bereavement-and-autism-spectrum-disorders.aspx http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/270043/explaining-death-children-with-autism http://autismcommunity.weebly.com/uploads/4/4/9/8/4498215/coping_with_grief.pdf

    There are also a number of books published on the subject, check Amazon, your local library, or parent support group. Peace be on your journey, you are in my thoughts and prayers. And thank you, John, for helping her.

    Heather Gray Services Coordinator Autism Society of NC

    • LSS

      Hello neighbor, i am in SC.

      Great point about the disruption of change, and especially change that the person has no control over. Actually this tortures everybody, look how the carers feel about being powerless to rescue him! but autistics may feel it and respond to it in a particular way.

      One thing most autistics seem to value is truth and reality, even if we may be receiving/prioritizing a slightly different selection of data than everybody else. we really do yearn to know what is really going on and what is expected of us. So being straight with her about the truth is awfully important.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

      wonderful. thank you, Heather.

  • Kate

    John 4:31-34. Surely God is providing Tim’s nourishment.

  • buckeyebadger

    I have been praying hard for you, your family and Tim since we first learned of this awful situation, and will continue to do so long after Tim has left this world. K.E. has good advice, perhaps Tim is waiting for closure of some sort before he lets go. It may even be from his autistic “sister”. I know firsthand how difficult it is to read what is going on in a child with autism, because my son has it too. But I know that people on the spectrum can be canaries in the coal mine when it comes to emotional explosions. Words aren’t necessary at all – they interpret the “vibes” that highly-charged emotional stimuli provides. So even though you haven’t explained the situation to her, she is feeling it through your anxieties and despair. Luvjustice had some great suggestions for reducing the stimuli to help her cope, but as long as you are miserable, she will be too. Our son “feels” colors and is very attuned to emotions in others. He knows what sadness means – even though he expresses it in unusual ways. He may or may not cry, but it isn’t a gauge at all of how he is feeling. You are all carrying great and powerful sadness, as well as the helplessness of watching someone you love die. It is so much worse because of the circumstances. Remember that Tim is, and always has been, held in the arms of Jesus. You have helped him to feel those arms, and now perhaps you can help him crawl more deeply inside the hug they provide for him – away from the pain of his earthly life. Even though all your attempts at helping him stay with you have been for naught, you have still sent him powerful love every minute he has been with you – and that will carry him across the threshold to his next, pain-free life. If his sister is verbal, ask her what she thinks Tim might be experiencing. You may gain some powerful insights into the world from a very different perspective. She may be able to be the voice Tim needs right now, and the beginning of a future that holds healing for you all. I send all of you my love, and hope that peace awaits you in the days ahead.

    • LSS

      You explained that really well about reading the information that is out there but that people might not know they are transmitting.

  • Connie O

    I prayed tonight for Tim. I can’t begin to know why he is still alive but I pray his suffering ceases. No one deserves to be treated as he is. I will continue to pray and I pray for all who care for Tim that they find peace.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kate-OHare/1192609053 Kate O’Hare via Facebook

    Praying.

  • LSS

    Really glad some commenters could already give the idea that (seemingly “low-functioning”) autistics know more than one might guess… And that many suffer from excess empathy, rather than the reverse. And i do mean suffer from, because the ones who are like that do suffer quite a lot in empathy with others. I don’t think i’m that type, but i know several.

    I would go with more straightforward and less manipulating or managing, just because that’s what i think any of us would want and in our grief we would all need the same human dignity.

    I do recommend art for processing emotions. works for lots of autistics and non-autistics that i know.

    When it comes to Tim, that is where any attempt at advice just runs out… praying for you all.

  • http://www.barnmaven.com Barnmaven

    My prayers go out to the LW and to Tim, and also to the other child in respite care with the LW. My son has autism and I know how very difficult change in schedules and routines can be. My husband just left tonight for a six week job on the road, and you can just *imagine* the fireworks. She will adjust, but I know the transition will be difficult and painful.

    My son always responds to tears with anxiety. Excessive emotions in me trigger his sensory and anxiety disorder issues. Its so important – and so hard – to try and maintain as much a semblance of calm as I can when things get borked in my own life. I hold all of you in my thoughts and prayers as you struggle with the continuing and devastating issues with Tim. May you all know the comfort and peace of God as you walk through this terrible and dark valley.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chrissy-Massaro-Wesner/100002297829112 Chrissy Massaro Wesner via Facebook

    kind of wish I hadn’t read this one….too painful to imagine as I am a caregiver…unbearable…and absolutely in my prayers.

  • http://Www.soul-full.mysite.com Beth

    Prayers for deep peace for all.

  • Nessie

    I had no words, either… have had none through the entirety of the postings put up about Tim. I am staggered, outraged, and pained that Tim’s next-of -kin has failed him so. As a person with Cerebral Palsy myself, this hits home in a way I can barely express.

    Please tell the letter writer that we love her. And Tim as well.

  • http://allegro63.wordpress.com sdgalloway

    My heart goes out to that young man lying on a couch awaiting death, for those who have loved him so completely, as well as for the people entrusted to his care inadequate as it is. This is not a win win situation.

    All I can think is “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” I don’t know how or when or even where, but I am pretty sure that God is working on the who will help that along.

  • charles m

    Having gone through a similar experience with my dad last year, All I can say is it sucks so monumentally that ones faith is stretched in ways never imagined. For it to be someone passing at such a young age, the tragedy is beyond overwhelming. God is there, and he grieves with the grieving.

  • http://www.poesies.com Gina Cirelli

    I don’t presume to know God’s plan, but perhaps He and Tim still have hope that they can teach his mother and her boyfriend compassion.

    The way I see it, those people, just like my adopted mother, need the prayers the most.

  • Jo Starrs via Facebook

    Sending prayers

  • Andrew Raymond via Facebook

    Sending prayers, and again you said more in a single sentence than I could have with a novel.

  • Roger Wolsey via Facebook

    ((hug))

  • Dawn Pedigo Long via Facebook

    Heart breaking

  • Deena Louise via Facebook

    Tim…..my heart goes out to you. At this point I pray that you please let go. Maybe he is waiting to see the young woman who cared for him so much , just one more time.Obviously, they had a special bond. I am the parent of a severely disabled young man. I must say, I’ve never met ANYONE in the system that is as caring as she is. I only pray that one day, when I can’t care for my son any longer, that he is placed with someone as caring and loving as she is. Sadly, this is NOT the case most of the time.

  • Tracy Smith

    I wish we could give the terminally ill the same dignified deaths that we give our beloved terminally ill pets and not have to watch them slowly starve and dehydrate to death. This is barbaric, in and of itself.

  • Nore Temol Ito via Facebook

    Praying for both family and Tim

  • kate

    this young man isn’t being allowed to die. he is being starved and dehydrated to death. it is one thing to stop extraordinary measures to save a life. it is quite another to cause death through the withdrawal of basic care. nutrition and hydration are NOT treatment. there is a difference. a person who is still alive after 18 days is being slowly starved to death, and the authorities should have been called and allowed to intervene on his behalf. it is doubtful that he can be rescued now. but someone should have had the courage to stand up two weeks ago!

    • Dianne

      Dear Kate , I am a hospice nurse and many people, some very aged and debilitated, survive for many days past 18 days without food or water. These are folks who are no longer responsive to eat and drink. If someone has come home from the hospital fully hydrated with IV fluid, this can prolong the dying process. I am continually surprised by the strength of the human spirit. Peace.

      • Donald Rappe

        Thank you for this information. My mother dehydrated in three days when she became unable to eat or drink, but, she had not been on an IV previously. This must be the difference. She said her last (and only) word to me on this occasion when I put a half spoonful of water into her mouth. I can’t know if it went to her stomach or lungs. She let me know it felt good in her mouth.

  • Deena Louise via Facebook

    May I add one more thing…..pleaase don’t judge the mother of this boy too harshly. You have NO idea what she was like before having this child or what it is like to have a disabled child! The young woman respite care worker says she’s a drinker. She may not have been before he was born. Trust me when I say this…..the circumstances with these kids could bring even the best of us to our knees. It has to me MANY times. I don’t drink, but seriously, I might not stop if I started. I love my child in a way that cannot be expressed in any words in any language. it is THAT deep and profound, but I also ACHE for my son in a way that also can’t come close to being expressed. For me , as his mother, it has been agonizing to watch him have unrelenting seizures, have to put him on meds that would put most of us in a coma, endure medical procedures that are at times, barbaric, have people stare at him, call him a freak, ask us to leave public places because his behavior can get bad,to watch him be unable to communicate what he wwants because he can’t speak, etc. The list goes on……It is also incredibly hard to be attacked by him day after day. He leaves bruises on my arms that look as painful as they are ( but no t nearly as painful as what they do to me emotionally). It is hard on my daughter, who has to learn to stay in her room most of the time so he doesn’t pull her hair or hurt her, not because he wants to , but because he can’t stop himself from doing it and doesn’t knwo his own strength. You get the idea. Anyway…I don’t know why I can handle it and she can’t…..I have a lot of help with a great husband . We love our son dearly. I can’t say we’ve had a lot of help. And that is another story. Just saying….don’t judge. Maybe she thinks it’s time he stop suffering. After all……watching your disabled child suffer is as painful as facing his/her death. Keep in mind too when thinking about young Tim and people like Terry Schiavo……they wouldn’t have lived without modern medicine’s interventions. it wouldn’t be possible .So who’s playing God?

    • DR

      This is not the time. Seriously.

  • Original Letter Writer

    Tim has gone home to be with Jesus. I will write more when I can but I’m just so numb right now that the words won’t come.

    • K.E.

      I am praying right now for God to wrap you in His comforting arms. Keep your eyes and ears open… Tim may find a way to let you know he is in Paradise.

    • Melody

      I am so, so sorry for your loss, and for the pain you’ve suffered during this ordeal. I pray for peace and healing to all during this time and that something good will come of this. God bless.

      • erika

        he is with g*d, free and healthy and perfect.

        so sorry for your loss, but so so happy for him.

    • Lymis

      Hang in there. You are in our prayers.

    • Mindy

      Hugs and love to you and your family in your time of loss, and gratitude for all you did for this young man to make his life good. May you ultimately find peace and joy in your many memories of him, and comfort knowing that he is whole.

    • DR

      I don’t have any words. It’s hard to imagine what this has been like for you. I wish I could just hug you for a very long time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/PaxMayne Fredrik Westblom via Facebook

    That sucks. I know he is at peace, but that sucks.

  • Uriik Bergman via Facebook

    Can’t find the comforting word for the family,but pray for strenght and peace for all.

  • Carl Johnson via Facebook

    Am feeling hollow and listless over this.

  • Matt Muecke via Facebook

    God bless you and the beautiful caretakers.

  • Janie

    My heart weeps for all of you. My heart also smiles knowing that he is whole with Jesus. His suffering is gone. I pray that you can take console that when you go to meet our precious Lord, that Tim will be right next to Him with his arms wide open. I will pray for all of you. I don’t know what this feels like and I can’t even imagine. I do know that our God is a gracious and merciful God and your reward will be in heaven….with Tim. God Bless.

  • Ron Viramontes via Facebook

    Deena, I concur with your observation. The suffering on a parent/loved one who dedicates themselves to caring for a totally dependent ward who is either terminal or unprogressively stable can not be understood by any human being who has not faced such challenges. Thank you for voicing your perspective.

    • Melody

      Maybe so, but parents who have their children’s best interests at heart don’t become alcoholics. I get tired of people saying, “You aren’t a parent, you don’t understand.” Yeah? Then why are they parents if they can’t handle the stress? That’s why I’m not one, because I’m wise enough to know that I’m not ready for that kind of pressure. We don’t have the whole story, so while we can’t fairly judge the mother’s character, this particular part is fishy, to say the least.

      • Michael M

        Nobody chooses to become an alcoholic, Melody. I have counseled a number of parents with addictions, and the number one regret that each one of them has expressed is the harm they have done their children. A large percentage of addicts have underlying physical and/or mental illness and use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate, and are simply not able to see the dark road they walking down until it is too late. Saying that alcoholism is evidence that the mother does not “have their children’s best interests at heart” is simply wrong. I have known enough good people who have done terrible things that this (sadly) does not sound fishy to me at all.

        • Melody

          I’m sorry, but I disagree. People do choose parenthood. They choose to take their newborn home while others give them up. Alcoholism causes people to misplace their priorities all the time. How many stories do we hear about children being taken from alcoholic parents because they aren’t being provided for? That’s the harsh reality, as much as we wish it were more often the way you described.

      • K.E.

        Melody, people don’t “choose” to become alcoholics. Alcoholism is a disease, like any other mental illness. It’s an addiction. People choose what they are going to do ABOUT their alcoholism, but becoming an alcoholic itself is not a personal choice that one makes, any more than becoming depressed or having any other sort of mental illness is a choice.

        I’m not trying to defend Tim’s mother, because I feel that the humane, motherly thing to do would have been to keep him alive for as long as possible if he was happy (which he sounds like he was) and in good health (which, until the infection, it sounds like he was). He was in great care and brought a lot of apparent love and joy into the world, and I think it’s an absolute tragedy that this happened the way it did.

        But with that said, I have no idea what kind of journey the mother of a special needs child goes through, given that I am not parenting a special needs child myself. There are two sides to every story, and Tim’s mother’s decision to give him palliative care and let him die is one that we will probably never be able to understand.

        My point is that this complex tale of alcoholism, the stress of a special needs child, and whatever other factors there may have been contributing don’t allow us to judge Tim’s mother as a singularly evil or negligent person. We exist in an incredible spectrum of shades of grey, none of us is black or white. At the end of the day, all we really know for certain is that Tim was absolutely loved by the letter writer, that he blessed her life in an amazing way, and now he is with Jesus experiencing a wholeness and peace that none of us have yet known.

        • Melody

          Fair enough. It is difficult, but you’re right: what they do with it matters. I’m just saying that if someone lets alcohol make their choices, then that’s what gets priority, not the child. It’s too late for poor Tim, but I do hope his mother will find the help she needs. I think what she did was in extremely poor judgment, but I don’t wish any more suffering.

          • Jo Hargis

            I don’t think any of us has a right to judge another, especially if we haven’t walked in their shoes. My father was an alcoholic, sober for the last 26 years of his life. He was extremely active in AA and spent every one of those years very dedicated to helping others go through that journey to recovery. Several people came up to me at his funeral and told me that literally, he had saved their lives, that they would not be on this earth if not for his resolve not to give up on them. As a spectator, I can tell you it’s a very, very complex disease, lots of social factors, some mental health factors, sometimes medical factors, and certainly an addiction factor. Perhaps even some genetic factors, as every male in my family from my generation backwards has had alcohol problems. I hear this often in other families. I can tell you that my belief is that the greater a person’s pain, the more they are focused on their own pain in an attempt to relieve it, and this is how the peripheral people in their lives fall by the wayside. It’s never their intention that that happen. It’s much like child abuse; one has to break the cycle so that future generations don’t learn those same patterns.

            I have not been aware of this story, so I don’t know much about it; just thought I’d offer my own insights into the alcohol aspect of it.

            Blessings to all involved.

      • Allie

        First of all, you don’t know what you can handle until it happens. There’s no way to find out if you can handle the stress of being a parent without being a parent. By which time it is rather too late to change your mind. Second, many parents who are perfectly able to handle the stress of parenting an ordinary child might be overwhelmed by having a severely disabled child. No one plans that. Were you aware that in some hospitals, before you are allowed to see your disabled child, they make you sign paperwork saying that you understand you will not be allowed to give the child up for adoption after seeing him?

        Having said that, it’s possible to be an alcoholic without being a mean alcoholic. I don’t understand this lady’s motivation for not wanting her child to be comfortably medicated and in his own bed as he passed away. And 23 days without any care would seem to be a pretty strong indicator that he wasn’t “failing” physically, as she claimed, but was strong as an ox. It all sounds an awful lot like she murdered him because she was tired of having a disabled son.

      • Melissa Chamberlin

        Melody, Addiction to any substance is not a choice. The choice is to not do anything about it. If you look at the stats, only about 10% of all addicts achieve sobriety for a long time. Those are not real good odds. It is important that we not judge this at ALL. This is a sad situation that has not had a good outcome, but we only understand this from one woman’s perspective. It is natural for us to want to blame someone, so that we can direct our anger at something. Truth be known, there is no one to direct our anger toward, so we must grieve with sadness. Compassion is so necessary.

  • Deb

    Deena is correct. It feels barbaric to deny food and water, but even a respite worker cannot judge what it is like to parent a child with severe needs. I have been praying for the family of the girl who wrote the letter, for Tim, And for his mother. I am finishing my Masters’ degree in Special Ed. Forget the Army, working with Special Needs kids is the toughest job you’ll ever love…

    I second the bruises. However, I am hoping Deena and her family are getting some help.

    • DR

      There is a time and a place to voice your support for this mother. This is not. the. place. nor. the. time. For God’s sake.

  • Andrew Raymond via Facebook

    Straight into The Lord’s embrace, without a doubt. How can I find myself crying so much for someone I never knew?

  • Wendy

    Praying for all involved.

  • Anne Reid Oppermann via Facebook

    This woman has a huge heart; I thank God that she was such a loving presence in Tim’s life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Blaine-Williams/100001220897612 Blaine Williams via Facebook

    So sorry for this child. Obviously, something is wrong with the system if family can abuse through neglect a child but no one can rescue him because the system has locked him behind the family’s closed doors.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jill-Joiner/100000809409370 Jill Joiner via Facebook

    Peace at last precious one. Take comfort in the fact you loved him with all you had.

  • Connie Marshall Thompson via Facebook

    So very sad Tim’s mother unable to love him or feel empathy. Sad all around. May Tim and those who loved him find solace now. I pray they do.

  • Allie

    Praying for the peace that passes understanding for you and your family.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones via Facebook

    Peace be with this family.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kimberly-McGarry/100000675387583 Kimberly McGarry via Facebook

    Rest in peace, Tim. And may peace be with all those who loved him.

  • Lori Doyle Eaton via Facebook

    Rest in Peace Tim..your story has touched the lives of many, your life was not in vain!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joanne-Elliott/100001065501295 Joanne Elliott via Facebook

    Rest in Peace Tim. A very touching, disturbing account.

  • John

    Oh Hon, my heart and prayers have been with you. Healing white light prayers of peace and love are with you as God wraps you in his loving arms . We will never forget and are changed for Tim’s life and the joy he presenced in this world. Peace, love joy.

  • Edward Sturtevant

    I experienced the same thing with my Dad. When we took him off the feeding tube etc.., I expected him to go quickly, but he held on. After a week, I screamed at the Dr’s, Hospice, & my own Priest that we treat our dogs better than people. How could they let this continue?? They told me that it was the only option. The pain was immense for us as we watched him starve to death, & his organs start to fail. Our once viral father dying like this?? Our only consulation was that heaven was waiting for him, & he was being fast tracked for the angel program. The day he died, the rain poured down as all of heaven shed a tear for him. You will never be at peace with the earthly process, but he is at peace in the Heavenly one. You are not alone, just one of the unfortunate to have to witness it. My heart & prayers go out to you!!

  • Donald Rappe

    Rest in peace,Tim, and may perpetual light shine upon you.


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