[UPDATE #2: Some ninety minutes after posting the below, all the contact information on the website for Providence Road Baptist Church was removed. But don’t let that stop you from emailing Pastor Charles “Let ’em fry or die” Worley at firstname.lastname@example.org. ]
[UPDATE #3: Monday, 8:15 p.m.: The PRBC website has gone away. Along with its FB page. And Worleys e-mail account. Ka-boom.]
Meet Pastor Charles Worley of Providence Road Baptist Church (“The Home of old time Religion”), located at 3283 Providence Mill Rd, Maiden, NC 28650. In this video excerpt from one of his recent Sunday morning sermons, Pastor Worley offers his thoughtful suggestion for resolving the debate over gay rights.
The good pastor’s idea for “gettin’ rid of all the lesbians and queers” is to build “a great big large fence” around all the gay people, electrify it, and then allow the people penned in by the fence to die.
Pffft. And people thought the gay issue would be difficult to solve.
Of course, Pastor Worley, being a man of the cloth, is hardly inured from compassion. He makes this very clear with his suggestion that we “fly over and drop some food” to the masses of imprisoned gay people. So it’s not like he wants them to just starve to death. That would be cruel. This is, after all, a Christian leader bound by the love of Jesus, not a morally repugnant, astoundingly ignorant, semi-literate, hate-filled meathead who wouldn’t know Jesus Christ from Cujo.
Pastor Worley just wants all gay people to live behind an electric fence until they grow old and die. And who doesn’t want to be fed for free until they die of old age? It’s like social security—but with electricity. And less travel. And food falling on your head.
Pastor Worley also wants to separate all the gay men from all the gay women: he wants to keep two separate electrified pens. Because (one assumes) otherwise some of the gay men might sleep with some of the gay women. And we all know what that would mean: gay babies. And then where would it all end? We only have so much money to spend on fences, airplane fuel and food that bounces. So, in this one instance, separate but equal would have to work.
If you have any thoughts or suggestions about his extremely novel social experiment, please do not hesitate to share them with Pastor Worley, at email@example.com. I’m sure he’d be glad to hear from each and every one of you.
After all, if you can’t count on Christian pastors to be open to new thoughts and ideas, what good are they?