In a statement released early this morning, Dan “Switcher” LaRue (above), the Hollywood public relations powerhouse responsible for last December’s Duck Dynasty “controversy,” confirmed what industry insiders have been saying for days: that he is the man behind relief organization World Vision’s recent grabbing of national headlines.
“World Vision came to me about a month ago,” said LaRue in his statement. “They knew the work I’d done for A&E’s hit television show Duck Dynasty. Remember that? First Phil Robertson was fired—and then he wasn’t fired? Jesus tap-dancing on Good Morning America wouldn’t have generated so much publicity.
“So of course World Vision wanted some of that same action for themselves. Who can blame them? Not me!
“I saw right away that not only could I do for World Vision what I did for Duck Dynasty, I could do it using the exact same gimmick: the gays. Think of Christianity, and what’s the first thing that pops into your mind? The gays! ‘ The gays are ruining America! The gays want our children! The gays hate Jesus!’
“I had World Vision’s entire media strategy figured out in about twenty minutes. They announce they’ve changed their anti-gay policy; they sit back and watch the media fires roar; they fan those flames just slightly with pictures of starving children; and the moment the fires begin dying out—boom! They change their mind! They’re back to hating the gays!
“As we all know, the plan worked like a charm. How could it not? It’s like shooting ducks in a barrel.
“And this will hardly be the last time we’ll see this. There’s just too much money to be made pitting anti-gay Christians against pro-gay Christians. I hope neither side in that fight wins. I hope they fight forever. Because then guys like me will keep getting richer and richer.”