Some Conservative Christians scoff at the notion of Banned Books. Books aren’t banned in this country, they contend, only challenged. The primary subject matters that raise the hackles of parents of Christian kids in public schools are witches and anything hinting at sexual content.
I knew a girl whose father actually burned the Harry Potter books her grandma sent to her. Put the books in a pile and burned them in front of his children.
I’ll confess that there are books I would love to burn but Harry Potter isn’t on the list.
The reason I’d want to burn these books is the same reason anyone wants to burn books — the content offends me.
-If I were putting books in a burn barrel, I’d start first with the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy: Poorly written soft-porn that contributes to the underlying and very dangerous mythology that a good-loving woman can change a hard-hearted man. Why, oh, why, otherwise educated and smart women read this dookey is beyond me. Excuse my slang, but really?
-The next book I’d toss in is The Secret, the wildly bestselling book that millions worldwide bought in hopes of wooing the Universe into giving them whatever their evil little hearts imagined. I wonder if Oprah has second-guessed her endorsement of The Secret seeing how the Universe seems to have completely ignored her upstart new network. As I recall Oprah said in her endorsement of the book, that the reason she’d had such great success in life is because she had called it out from the great beyond, worked for it, and deserved it because she dared to believe in herself. As part of my research for writing Will Jesus Buy Me a DoubleWide? I read The Secret. It still leaves me feeling icky, like I’ve just eyed through the keyhole a gathering of demon spirits.
-Anything by Preacher Happy Joel Osteen. Have you ever noticed that if you prop up one of his books and walk anywhere in the room, his eyes are following you? Undressing you? Creepy. Faith built upon the pithy-pitch theology of Joel Osteen will wash away like a sandcastle in the first hard wave. When I’m dying don’t send me somebody to tell me how great heaven is and how blessed I am to finally be going home. Send somebody to hold my hand and weep with me over the leaving.
-And the last book I’d add to my banned books burn barrel would be David Murrow’s What Your Husband isn’t Telling You. What’s that you say? Unfamiliar with Mr. Murrow? Really? How can that be possible? David Murrow is the “world’s foremost expert on the subject of men and church” according to the likely self-written bio on the back of his book.
Honestly I don’t have a clue on how you get to be the world’s foremost expert on anything in today’s information age. Perhaps Mr. Murrow ought to make that the subject matter of his next book because this book, about all the things women need to know to make their husbands happy, is simply obscene in conception and execution.
I don’t know any Christian women — conservative or otherwise — who would consider this book a worthy read. Here’s just a few of the author’s mind-numbing insights:
- “Respect is not something your husband is supposed to earn. It’s a gift you give him freely because God commands you to. I challenge you to show respect to your husband regardless of whether he’s good or bad, kind or cruel. See if that does not change the dynamic of your marriage.”
Apparently, the author doesn’t even understand the meaning of the word respect: A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
And, correct me if I am wrong, but doesn’t respecting a cruel person seem like a really dangerous idea? Wouldn’t it just encourage cruelty and meanness in others? Imagine if your five-year-old son stomped on his two-year-old sister’s head. Would you reprimand your daughter for your son’s behavior? Because that’s exactly the sort of convoluted thinking that Mr. Murrow is extolling here.
- Your husband wants you to take charge of the menu. Women, I encourage you to take dominion over the food your husband and children eat. See it as a high calling to provide healthy sustenance to your love ones. I am so happy I don’t have to worry about food — my wife takes care of that in our family.
So you, Mr. Murrow, can be freed to spend your time writing sexist drivel.
-I’ve heard a lot of Christian teachers tell women in bad marriages to look to God for their fulfillment instead of their husbands. This is rock solid teaching I heartily endorse…This simple change in attitude has rescued many marriages and helped many women accept their less-than-perfect husbands.
Why am I not surprised?
In other words, through prayer and submission, your own wife came to accept that you, sir, are an utter ass?
The other thing I’m not surprised by is that David Murrow lives in Alaska. While not necessarily the breeding ground for wackos, it is the place where they go to escape community and accountability. Or just to hide out. And I don’t know any intelligent, thoughtful man who could show his face in the lower 48 after writing this sort of book. What Your Husband Isn’t Tell You is simply Christian porn for men who want to take dominion over their women. Bethany House might as well named this book Fifty Shades of Wrong and sold it along with a leather whip.
Which books would you burn?