The scandalous heterosexual agenda

Every once in a while I run across something I wish I had written.  This is one of those times.  The following is an excerpt from a brilliant blog written by J. Barrett Lee. J. Barrett Lee is a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and the pastor of North Church in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where he lives with his wife and kids. In his off-time (when he has any), he likes to watch Star Trek and Doctor Who, listen to U2 and Bruce Cockburn, and play his guitar or synthesizer.

Satire warning: put on your big-girl panties.

As a baptized, ordained, practicing, Bible-reading, Spirit-filled, Jesus-loving Christian, I just have to say how sick and tired I am of these straight-marriage activists spreading their heterosexual agenda all over my church and country!

Their sinful, detestable practices are unbiblical and unnatural in the eyes of science and God.  It may not be “politically correct” to say so these days, but I refuse to “tolerate” these perverts and their lies anymore…

Don’t take my word for it, here is what the BIBLE says:

Genesis 4

After God made Adam and Eve, they had three sons: Cain, Abel, and Seth.  No daughters.  Yet is specifically says that Cain got married to a woman.  Did you know that Cain, the firstmurderer, was a STRAIGHT?  Heterosexuality and murder have gone hand-in-hand since the earliest days of the human race.

What’s even worse is that Cain got married to a woman even though the Bible very clearly states that there were no human women (other than his mother) in existence at that time.  The conclusion is inescapable: Cain married an ANIMAL.  Heterosexual marriage sits at the top of a slippery slope that leads directly to bestiality.

Not only that, but the Bible tells us how Lamech, an early descendant of Cain the hetero and murderer, took two wives and was a very violent person.  Elsewhere in the Bible, there are other flagrant, unrepentant heteros like Abraham, David, and Solomon who have multiple wives.  Judah, another heterosexual pervert, impregnates a prostitute who turns out to be his own daughter-in-law!  Here again, we see the Bible clearly showing how sin begets sin and straight-marriage leads directly to POLYGAMY and FORNICATION.

Genesis 19

In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Bible is VERY clear in its condemnation of the heterosexual lifestyle.  While the men of Sodom were at his door, Abraham’s nephew Lot (another known heterosexual) offers his virgin daughters to be raped.  After Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, Lot’s daughters, burning with heterosexual lust, get their father DRUNK and have SEX with him so that they will get pregnant.  The Bible is crystal clear on this point as well: Heterosexuality leads to drunkenness and INCEST.  That’s what these straight-marriage activists are pushing for.  DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!!!

Leviticus

The Old Testament book of Leviticus spends significantly more time condemning straight sex than it does dealing with sexual activity between people of the same gender.  Therefore, heterosexuality is obviously a far bigger problem in the eyes of God.

The most direct and clear condemnation of heterosexuality can be found in Leviticus 19:19 -

“Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.” (Lev. 19:19, KJV)

God gave us an orderly and organized universe, therefore he is offended by different kinds of things mixing together.  If God went to such lengths to condemn the mixing of different cattle, seeds, and fabrics, why wouldn’t he also condemn the mixing of genders and their bodily fluids?  Do you think God would be so foolish as to overlook something that big?  Obviously not.  The meaning of this verse is clear: God never intended for people of different genders to mix sexually.

Matthew 5:27-29

Jesus never had a bad thing to say about same-sex relationships.  He obviously didn’t consider them to be much of a problem.  But he had quite a bit to say about the sin of heterosexuality!  In his Sermon on the Mount in Matthew’s gospel, Jesus tells us that even those who secretly harbor heterosexual tendencies are in danger of burning in hell:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

If the heterosexual orientation is so “normal”, as straight-marriage activists claim it is, then why is there no evidence that Jesus ever married a woman?  If the Son of God thought it was worth avoiding, then Christians should too.

 

Click here to keep reading – if you dare.  It is totally worth it!

About Kimberly Knight

Kimberly has a long history of back-pew sitting, Wednesday night supper eatin' and generally trying God’s patience since 1969. She's lucky enough to have made her technology addiction a career and serves as both the Director of Digital Strategy as a southern liberal arts college and Minister of Digital community with Extravagance UCC.

  • Shaun G. Lynch

    You’re intentionally hiding the truth of the worldwide homosexual conspiracy. We all know how it works. Melissa Etheridge gives a free toaster oven to every lesbian who recruits another woman to her sapphic cause. I saw it on TV, so it must be true!

  • J. Barrett Lee

    Don’t miss today’s plainspeak follow-up post:
    http://streetpastor.wordpress.com/2013/11/07/the-real-story-not-satire/

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kimberlyknight/ Kimberly

      and a fine post it is sir!

  • kenofken

    Actually the true measure of the depths of moral degeneracy in the “heterosexual lifestyle” is Octomom, capri pants, shopping mall food court pizza and the idea that perpetual 3-day beards on men are somehow sexy!

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kimberlyknight/ Kimberly

      Amen!

  • melissia

    I laughed :) Thanks for improving my day.

  • justjohn

    my esteemed daughter once proved that milk was the Gateway Drug to heroin, in her senior year of high school. used the exact same logic as the government.

    one of my most proud moments as a father.

    how’s this one, ms. kknight: according to aquinas (of the thomas sort)…

    IF the only way to “natural” way make a new catholic (er, baby) is by having male-ON-female sex to his completion (ahem) THEN the only purpose of sex is to produce another catholic (er, human). he did back this up with his famous “better to rape or do a hooker than to masturbate or have sex with another male” answer. (look it up)

    likewise, why do we not also say:
    IF the only “natural” way to feed a baby is by the birthing mother’s breast, THEN the only use of said breast is for feeding a baby. why? because the men who use the first IF-THEN also liked to (unnaturally) use a woman’s breast for non-baby-feeding purposes. duh.

    aquinas did a boatload of damage to billions of people with his flawed logic that doesn’t pass muster beyond the tip of the nose. incidentally, his teachings were initially ignored by the all-powerful vatican. only to be force-fed by a later pope who cottoned to the idea of literally controlling sex itself (snark). this hubristically flawed logic of “*an* effect = *the* intent” still pervades catholicking to this day as the basis of claiming “disordered” as code for “homos are going to hell faster than good ol’ heteros.”

    i digress. thanks for posting this. just as priceless as the dude *lying* about george washington to prove that “so help me god” was “always” part of the military oaths against lying :)

    • justjohn

      fwiw, i’m a recovered catlicker. bailed when they tried to teach my son that wet dreams were going to send him to hell. thought they got over that… sheesh. onan was murdered by god for deliberately dishonoring his dead brother, not for wanking. or, could that simply be a lesson for the jews (of the time) about the importance of providing a male heir for a dead dude?

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kimberlyknight/ Kimberly

      That is totally awesome (or wicked depending on what part of the country you are from). :)


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