Melissa’s Series Part 7: Charting a New Course

Part 7 of Melissa’s story, Unwrapping the Onion, is now posted. This one is titled Charting a New Course. Here is an excerpt:

Despite my fears and doubts, I couldn’t deny that my spouse was happier than I had ever seen him. He was relaxed and involved. He was dressing more and more femininely at home, and the kids didn’t mind at all. They were starting to figure out that their daddy was a bit different than other daddies, but they were happy to have a peaceful parent who loved them and cared for them, talked with them and snuggled them and listened to them. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders, like he no longer had to spend the majority of his time struggling to constantly tread water and keep his head above the surface and stay alive. Instead, all of the energy that had been consumed in that struggle could be spent on parenting and living. The conversation about transition “someday” started to change into transition being a real option in the near future, and I couldn’t come up with a reason our kids should have to go back to having a depressed repressed parent who lived as a male and struggled to survive with the help of anti-depressants instead of a happy relaxed involved parent who lived as female. A guy as feminine as he was turning out to be was going to out of the ordinary anyway. Why was I questioning this at all? To please a god? Who had played this gender joke on us in the first place? A god I wasn’t even sure existed?

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About Libby Anne

Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the "purity culture," the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.

  • Besomyka

    Thanks for making me aware of this series!

  • Rosa

    The posts are so beautiful and then some of the comments make me really angry.

    • Paula G V aka Yukimi

      Indeed. It frustrates me because I lack the writing abilities to make a good answer about their flawed bigoted arguments.

      • Libby Anne

        Feel free to vent here as needed!

      • ScottInOH

        Paula/Yukimi writes

        …I lack the writing abilities to make a good answer about their flawed bigoted arguments.

        Your post below (12:19 am) suggests otherwise. Thanks for looking at the article so others don’t have to.

      • Paula G V aka Yukimi

        Thanks but I’m not very good at stating my thoughts be in paper or in a debate and writing in a foreign language certainly doesn’t increase my confidence :P

  • Paula G V aka Yukimi

    Thanks for the offer for venting :) I just wanted to say that a person just linked an article that Melissa quickly discredited (as she should) but I committed the mistake of starting reading it. How could that man consider himself a doctor or a scientist of any kind? That article was completely biased in the most bigoted ways I can imagine and for a a person who should know about the topic the guy was mixing sexual orientation with gender orientation and with social behaviours, mixing intersexual with transgender people (and citing some awful medical practices that were pretty common in the seventies with intersex babies for supporting his crazy theories based on his Catholic roots) and overall ridiculing people all the way. I just couldn’t read anymore… I guess this gets me more because I’m a medical student but I’m so glad my teachers aren’t like this /Rant over.

    I hope the bigoted anons or at least the lurkers who watch the debating can learn form this story. Peticoat Philosopher, Caravelle, Rosa and others are fighting the bigoted anons better than I could ever so I am hopeful ^^

    • Rosa

      More Petticoat & Caravelle than me, though thanks for saying it – I got so mad I had to go back and delete half of what i wrote to make it polite and it ended up not even making actual sentences half the time.

      • Petticoat Philosopher

        I hear ya, Rosa. I’ve been really struggling to hold back and getting increasingly sloppy about doing so. At this point, I’m starting to just feel like I’m just fanning the flames. I don’t want to feed trolls too much. Good for Melissa for opening up a can of whupass and invoking her right to moderate. Hopefully they’ll either straighten up or take their soap boxes elsewhere.

        For some levity: “this whole blog series sounds like something Satan would write.” lol, I’m sorry, I know that’s not really funny at all, but I couldn’t help guffawing at the idea that Satan has nothing better to do than pose as a soft-spoken mom of 4 cute kids and write a sweet, fairly sentimental blog series about her spouse’s gender dysphoria and how struggling with him is helping to affirm their love. It kind of reminded me of the only part in the movie “Miss Congeniality” (it was on TV and I was bored!) that made me laugh, when Allyson Hannigan’s character talks about the time her mom wouldn’t let her buy red panties because “she said they were the devil’s panties!” LOL!

        When people’s bigotry spills over into utter absurdity, I sometimes just have to laugh.

    • MadGastronomer

      I cannot even get near the comments. Every time I read that hateful troll, I state cussing and frothing at the mouth. There is literally nothing I could possibly say that would be sufficiently polite. I have been Told-with-a-capital-T to stay out of the comments by my sweetie.
      Best of luck to those with more civil tongues than I.

  • Aubergine

    Mad, I was wondering where you had gone to. I hoped that our little misunderstanding did not drive you away!

    As a *very* happily married trans woman (and father!) I thank all of you who have posted supportively in Melissa’s thread.

    • MadGastronomer

      No, my fiancee keeps dragging me away because I start getting too worked up. And I suspect that I’ll get banned if I actually speak my mind. Nothing to do with you, promise!

  • LaurenF

    Two things for Paula/Yukimi:
    If English isn’t your native language (what I’m thinking that last comment means?), I would never have guessed. Nothing in your comments here looks like you’re anything but well fluent. I can understand how that would make you feel less confident in your ability to express yourself, though!
    2. I’m glad you’re a med student, because the world needs more doctors who would write things like you wrote above!
    That is all. :)

    • Paula G V aka Yukimi

      Thanks, you are really really making me blush. Yep, I’m spanish and English is my second language, in fact I hated it until High school because my English teacher preferred to paint her nails to teach us *eyerolls* and someday if I pass my uni exams and the national exams I’ll be a doctor however unlikely it seems right now XP