Raised Quiverfull: Do You Wish You Could Go Back?

Do you sometimes wish to go “back”?


Coming soon.


The further from the movement I am, the happier I become.  I have never had a desire to return or any feelings of nostalgia about it.

Libby Anne:

Not recently, no. For a while there though I did sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t simply be easier to step back into good-obedient-daughter-mode. I knew how to wear that hat, and I knew I could put it back on and everything would be right again. Except that it wouldn’t, not internally. I knew I’d asked too many questions – and seen too much freedom – to go back.


I’d lie if I said no here. There were good times, of course. I love my family. I loved some of the things about P/QF life. But the good things don’t make up for the bad things in this case. I might wish for feelings or moments back, but never my old life, no.


Only to the time before we left CA. I haven’t been able to visit since we left, and so I have a strong desire to return and perhaps find some closure on that part of my life.


Never. I sometimes miss being able to see my siblings as much as I was able to then, and I still wish that I could somehow please my parents. But I have no wish to go back to living with my parents as a child.


Sometimes when my self-hatred gets the better of me, I find myself wondering if I should just go back to the way things were. Maybe if I just shut my mouth and covered my head obeyed God, things would get better and I wouldn’t have to hurt so often. Those feelings are few and far between now.


The only things I miss about growing up fundamentalist was the large “extended family” it provided. I have been able to recreate this with my own friends, but I don’t have other older adults in my life. I miss having extra sets of “parents,” but I would never go back. I couldn’t go back without losing my soul.


Nope, never.

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About Libby Anne

Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the "purity culture," the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.